They think they’re being patient. They think they’re figuring things out. They think they need more time, more clarity, more confidence. But no, they’re choosing to stay exactly where they are. I was working with a talent coach, just think Ari Gold from the show Entourage, I’m blessed to have as a client.

He’s sharp, connected, knows the Hollywood industry inside and out, but kept saying, “I’m just waiting for the right time to make a move,” ’cause he was making a huge move. I finally stopped him and I said, “You’re not waiting, you’re deciding not to go.” Because every day you wait, you’re reinforcing the version of you that hesitates.

Every day you delay, you’re training your mind to stay comfortable instead of decisive. High performers don’t wait, squad. They don’t wait for clarity. They create clarity through action. They don’t need the full roadmap. They need the next step, and they take it. And here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear.

Waiting isn’t neutral. It’s a vote for the life you’re currently living. So if you don’t like where you’re at, stop negotiating with yourself, make [00:02:00] a move, because the second you act, you shift from reacting to life to creating it. And squad, talking about a creator She, the, my good friend, Dr. T her full name is Dr.

Patricia Timmerman Barbosa Da Silva, but we’re gonna go with Dr. T today. And today’s, and she’s our guest, a creator, a disruptor, and somebody who refuses to let people stay in a s- stuck in a life they didn’t choose. Dr. T is the founder of Advocate to Create, or A2C, a movement built around one mission, helping people stop living on autopilot and start intentionally creating the life they actually want.

She’s a doctor, an advocate, and an author, which I will have a two book giveaway at the end, so make sure you stay tuned. And she’s, who has taken real wor- world adversity and turned it into a framework for purpose, alignment, and execution. Her work challenges people to shift from survival mode to take ownership and step into creation mode, where growth, impact, and fulfillment actually live.

She’s a, she’s built a platform, a message, and a movement that’s reaching people globally, pushing them to stop waiting and start [00:03:00] building. Her philosophy hits hard. You don’t sit around hoping life changes, you create it. So Varsity Squad, break out your notebooks ’cause you’re gonna need them for this interview with my good friend, Dr.

T. And Dr. T, thank you so much for coming on. Please introduce yourself to the Time to Shine Today podcast, Varsity Squad. But first, what’s your favorite color and why? 

Dr. T: Ooh, okay. So an interesting thing. But first and foremost, thank you so much for having me. You’re welcome. I’m so excited. So you’re wearing purple.

When I was young, I always said my favorite color’s purple ’cause my dad’s favorite color was blue and I love purple, and I used to say that purple was the female blue- … and so I could. 

COACH FERGIE: I love it. I love it. Yeah. And it’s royal and regal, and- Oh … and it’s a mix between red and blue. So I’m just seeing, I don’t really know you that well, Dr.

T, but I’m sure that you have the blue cool side, but when the red side comes out, especially, those- And I mean- … South American ladies. 

Dr. T: Look at the colors in my book. 

COACH FERGIE: I love it. I love 

Dr. T: it. They’re all red and blue- … for sure. Hence the purple, yes. 

COACH FERGIE: [00:04:00] Those, those South American ladies, they can get fiery.

I have a lot of them. We were talking BJJ off the mic, and I was like, “I have a lot of the Portuguese w- ladies that are friends,” and it’s funny when they get a little riled up. So the- They 

Dr. T: get very passionate. 

COACH FERGIE: Yes, there’s the word. Passionate, yes. Passionate. Love it. You help people shift from kind of a survival mode to creation mode.

But be honest with me real quick here on the first question. What’s one survival mode that you’ve had to laugh at yourself for still catching yourself doing? 

Dr. T: Oh my God overexplaining. 

COACH FERGIE: I love it. That’s transparent because you want them to get it so much that you just keep going, and they probably already get it.

You keep 

Dr. T: going. And again, my husband is like, “I got it.” And, right? So one of the things that I said, o- one of the questions that I pose in the book, which is a great boundary-setting question, is, “What do I need from you to give you what you need?” And so the overexplaining, I said, “What I need from you is tell me exactly what you got so I can give you what you need, which is to stop [00:05:00] overexplaining.”

So when he understands something, he’s like, “I understand that you meant A, B, C, and D.” Good. I don’t need to continue. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. Yeah. So I gotta know your roots. Like, how, like, how did we get started to the level? ‘Cause you’re highly sought after. I immensely respect you in the coaching world and whatnot, but, like, how…

what’s the roots? Like, where did we get started? 

Dr. T: Oof. Yikes. Wow, that’s a great question. I was… i’m Jewish Brazilian, and in, in Judaism, the, the professions that are accepted is you’re an attorney, you work in banking, or you’re a medical doctor. My sister is an attorney. My brother works in banking.

And I was supposed to be the medical doctor, right? So my- And your husband’s a lawyer, right? And my husband is a lawyer. Right? But I had always been guided in that direction. And I say that once I went into mental health, which was just a pit stop- … right? It was a master’s before going back to medical school.

It found me. Oh, wow. It’s not that I found it. And the funny… So in my- at NYU, my major was political science, ’cause I’m [00:06:00] very passionate about politics and about social justices and having a voice. Because when I moved here, I lost my voice when I didn’t speak any English. I was 14. Okay. And so I thought that having a voice is so important, and politics is a way to have voice.

Sure. But I realized mental health, I- it just, it chose me. I didn’t choose it. And it, that’s where it started. You’re able to, in an individual level, in a community level, in a global level, hence the reason the name of my firm is Advocate 2 Create, is advocate for people to find their voices.

COACH FERGIE: Oh, my gosh. That’s awesome. Yeah. And so I gotta ask you, then okay, I grew up in Blue- around Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, which is the second-biggest Jewish community in America behind New York, right? So all of my girlfriends were JAPs, or Jewish American Princesses, right? And all that stuff. And they all had that road to take, right?

That you were talking about. W- what did your family think when you didn’t go one of those three occupations and you stepped into mental [00:07:00] health? 

Dr. T: So my grandpa, who is named in my dissertation, who’s named in my book, and the only individual that’s named in, within the content of it, I remember when I told him, because I graduated, I got my master’s, and then I was studying for the MCAT to take, and I started noticing as I would talk to people, like- Damn, I’m in love with the mind, not the brain. I work with both because- Oh … our physiology and our biology are so intertwined. I remember once I was emotionally blocked and I’m sparring in jujitsu. And when I’m sparring, two minutes into the five minutes spar, I started bursting crying, not because I got hurt, but because I was physically exhausted and it allowed the blockage to come away.

COACH FERGIE: Yes. 

Dr. T: So there’s a relationship between the two, but I realized I’m in love with the mind. And so I went for the PhD, and my grandpa turns to me and says, “You know what, Mamale? The PhD suffices.” 

COACH FERGIE: Nice. Nice. Yeah. So he had your back in a way, right? 

Dr. T: He had my back. It wasn’t easy. 

COACH FERGIE: Yeah. 

Dr. T: But [00:08:00] I fought for what I, what chose me.

I recognized it and I didn’t try… Because that’s one of the things when you’re talking about waiting, is sometimes we wanna force the theory that we think is for us- … and don’t realize that we’re trying to force a piece that doesn’t fit. Maybe let’s shift gears a little bit and see what life is giving to us.

Going back to jujitsu, if you fight against something that isn’t working, it’s not gonna work. Nope. 

When you let go is when you’re able to find other movements- … and who knows, maybe get a submission. 

COACH FERGIE: I absolutely… And I love that jujitsu is life, right? I love that we’re- Yeah

taking it this way, meaning what happens in life happens on the mat. It just does. Yeah. And, like, how you released and let go and it really cleared your mind, I’ve did that three times, right? And I have no problem saying it and it… And people at first were like fir- ‘Cause I’m like 6’1″, I’m like 250 pound, pretty well put together big dude, right?

They’re like, “What a crazy…” But I was like, I know that there’s a cleansing that happens with it. And what we were joking [00:09:00] about off mic with Pohada on Fridays, I’m going against top tier guys that are way younger that absolutely destroy me, right? And I try to… And I still to this day will try to muscle things, right?

Instead of like- Yeah … going where it takes me, right? And that’s… and thank you for the transparency on that. That’s beautiful, right? 

Dr. T: So- But I love what you just said, and if I can interrupt just for a 

COACH FERGIE: second. Yeah, please. No, you’re not interrupting. 

Dr. T: No. One of the things that I notice as a blue belt, right?

Again, hub is black belt. I’m a blue belt, but whenever I’m going through- Yeah, 

COACH FERGIE: don’t mess with hubby. I love it. 

Dr. T: But whenever I get stuck in a movement is because I start thinking. When I just let my body do it, it goes and it flows. And it’s the same in life, right? When we get stuck and we start overthinking things.

Because in the continuum of thought, we know underthinking isn’t good. We’re not thinking enough about things. Then we have thinking, which is somewhere in the middle that’s perfect, but then we go into that overthinking, which is more- … dangerous than thinking itself- Yes We believe in it [00:10:00] too much and it undoes all of- Yeah

the actual posi- like, good thinking. 

COACH FERGIE: Yes. Yeah. You’re listening to yourself more than talking to yourself, right? Yeah. A lot of people will listen, a lot of those things that are said are lies, right? From their past and stuff, right? 

Dr. T: It’s- I love that you said that. 

COACH FERGIE: Yeah. 

Dr. T: I- yeah … but it’s so true.

So I’m gonna go into two quick things. Please. One is I need to quote what my client told me yesterday because, and I need to send this to him afterwards when we talk. But it was a lot of thought management, trigger management, due to the past experiences. Sure. So we tend to react to things as opposed to respond, right?

When something happens, there’s a visceral reaction that comes from our past experiences. Using the IAP, intention, action, perception, being intentional with self, using all of the strategies that we use in slowing down from a trigger and actually be able to process it and respond as opposed to react, he said that’s one of his cognitive [00:11:00] filters.

I usually ask my clients to think, what purpose does this serve, when something comes to my mind- … and I just wanna say it, what purpose does this serve? Love it. And his has been, what’s the consequence? And the quote that he made that I want to credit him, but I can’t say names because of confidentiality, is, “I think, do I want to live five year five minutes in the future or 20 years in the past?”

COACH FERGIE: Oh my gosh. Thank you- … for saying that. Yes. Yeah. Excuse me. A lot of my clients that I’m blessed to coach here in South Florida that make the trip for one of my masterminds and whatnot, I like to put them in their car, right? And have them sit in the driver’s seat, and I’ll sit in the passenger seat while they’re in there.

And I’m like, “Look at that rear view mirror. That’s small for a reason. That’s your past, right? It’s a great place to learn from, and it’s a great place to visit for the good times, but we can’t stay there. As a coach, I don’t have the doctor or the alphabet after my name to really help you there. But this windshield, it’s big, it’s huge, it’s scary.

Where are we going?” And since [00:12:00] 2011, in cars, and now they have them on, your phone, is the GPS, right? So that’s what I am as, as a coach. That’s what I really have to get through to them, that, that we’re going someplace, but there’s gonna be changes, ebbs, flows. And like you said with jujitsu, we gotta roll with it.

We have to let it happen. Yeah. And so- Yeah … that, that’s beautiful. So k- kinda like you went through some times, but what was the moment in your life where you realized, you couldn’t live in the past or more with negative stuff on you, and you stopped, like, surviving and started thriving?

What was that clicking moment for you? It’s interesting because I’m… Like, I had a recent moment, because there are moments in life when you notice some things are holding you- Yeah … even as you proceed, life 

is- And they’ll circle back to you, too. 

Dr. T: And they’ll circle back to you. Sometimes they don’t leave you alone.

So remember when I talked about overthinking? At the end of the year, I did an activity with my clients and myself, which was what I want to b- [00:13:00] leave behind in 2025 and what I want to bring with me to 2026. And what I l- wanted to leave behind was over-explaining. What I wanted to bring with me was thinking about me in relationships as much as I do others.

COACH FERGIE: Ooh, love it. 

Dr. T: And the reason that I’m bringing this up is it allowed me to set a boundary in a recent space. I tend to hold on to relationships. Okay. I tend to often look at what is it that I did that, m- very intention, action, perception, right? Sure. Maybe the way that it was perceived, I need to validate it because it was my behavior that was perceived that way- Ah

even though it wasn’t the intention. However, because you’re just talking about letting go of negativity- … and there was a relationship where I think that became, since I’m taking responsibility, I’m giving you all the responsibility. And because I felt I needed to save that relationship, I allowed myself to take a bunch of it until I found my boundary, [00:14:00] right?

Yeah. There is reciprocity in every relationship. 

COACH FERGIE: Love this. I 

Dr. T: cannot be the one that’s responsible 100% for it. If I am always the one that something is being done to- … and never someone that something is being done by- … it becomes problematic. Gotcha. And when I set my boundary, I understand it doesn’t matter what I do because you’re in a space where you can’t receive anything else.

I’m letting go of this relationship for now. Love that. Yeah, th- so you mentioned responsibility four times, right? What is your definition of responsibility? 

I think that’s a great question. Responsibility to me is, there are two parts for it. Yeah. One are responsibilities of my actions and understanding that even if unintended, my action may have caused- Oh, my gosh.

So good … harm to somebody else. 

COACH FERGIE: Yes. 

Dr. T: Yes. Even if their response might be disproportionate to what I thought a response were to be, it’s, as opposed to becoming reactive, [00:15:00] it’s maybe taking a moment and understanding, like, how come it was received this way? I apologize that my actions led to this trigger or led to this moment.

And understanding more, having curiosity. The other side of the responsibility is looking beyond myself and understanding that this is how I perceived something, but that does not mean- … that’s the only way it was intended. 

COACH FERGIE: I love that. It responsibility for myself is the ability to respond, right?

‘Cause you said, “Don’t react, respond.” It’s rooted right in the word, responsibility, right? Yeah. Responsibility. And I didn’t come up with that. My coach had passed that on to me, and I was like- Good coach … “Dude that’s so true.” Just take two seconds, step back, put on your empathy glasses, and kinda see what you’re gonna say, if it’s gonna add to the conversation, right?

Yeah. In a good direction. So you talk ab- okay let’s say, let’s get a little real here. What’s the hidden cost of staying in a [00:16:00] survival mode that- I- instead of looking to thrive. What do you think is the hidden cost long-term? 

Dr. T: It’s when you are in survivor mode, you are constantly reacting, so you don’t have a moment to pause and really understand what is going on, how come I’m reacting this way, and everybody seems like an enemy.

So in survivor mode, your body, the relationship between the body and the mind, your body is constantly contr- constantly contracted. You’re already expecting that everything that’s gonna come will require a defense mechanism. Wow. So good. So I’m on defense mode. 

COACH FERGIE: Yeah. 

Dr. T: The- Yeah … being allow- allowing yourself to come out of survivor mode is if I’m seeing life with sunglasses on, everything is dark.

And everything that I see, people have negative intent. Versus being able to put my sunglasses on off, and seeing things from a different point of view, right? Yes. Reacting, responding. So that’s, I think, one of the biggest things with survivor mode is everything is instantaneous and you don’t have time to [00:17:00] think.

My processing therapy with clients, like this client that just said, the quote that I gave from him, he was able to go from reacting to seeing things like in slow motion by- … using all the tactics and being intentional. So now I see the trigger coming, I understand why it’s impacting me and how come this is my defense mechanism, and I’m able to choose if I want the defense mechanism to kick in- 

COACH FERGIE: Love 

Dr. T: that

or not. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. Y- that you have the choice. That, that’s- You 

Dr. T: have the 

COACH FERGIE: choice. You, did you hear that, squad? That you do have the choice if you step back and, again, take responsibility and respond and not listen to react, but listen to internalize and respond to what someone might be saying. They might be going down a, a route that you’re not happy with, which we get a lot of that now, unfortunately, on either side of politics, either side of religion, all that kind of stuff.

So that’s a great point you’re making. So Dr. T, when you’re starting to work with a prospect, maybe not quite a client yet, but you’re in a discovery conversation [00:18:00] what is your- secret sauce, if you don’t mind sharing, to maybe help them shine a light on that initial blind spot that you’re really gonna start y- leaning into?

Dr. T: First and foremost, when I’m talking to somebody, the first thing that I say, “When you come into therapy, you gotta like the person you’re talking to, and I may not be it.” Me too. 

Yes. Yeah. If you don’t have… And I give my own examples of the therapies that I’ve gone through and when I liked and disliked.

I always say try three times. I think first time might give you one thing, second another thing, third time gives you a pattern. Identifying- Yeah. Wow … your own defense mechanisms. For me, I knew two therapists weren’t for me because by the third time, I went into my high school self, and everything they would say, I would contradict.

COACH FERGIE: Wow. 

Dr. T: That’s when I know, okay, this is not for me. And then the other one is when we’re talking, depending on what it is, I say a little bit how I do things. So I introduce the IAP model, so for example, with if it is a couple. And I say, “Intention is internal to us. Perception is internal to the [00:19:00] receiver, observer.

The only thing external is action.” 

COACH FERGIE: That’s… Oh. –

Dr. T: And asked, “Why didn’t you follow me?” And he said you created space. So because you left and you created space, if you were me, I would want you to respect that space.” My action- Yes … was subject to interpretation. 

COACH FERGIE: I l- 

Dr. T: And- 

COACH FERGIE: I love this. You and I are like, you’re my sister from another mister, just with more education, right?

With that stuff, ’cause that’s everything you’re saying is spot on. When you are maybe still in a discovery conversation, is there any good question that you wish they would ask you but never do?

Dr. T: Ooh, that’s a good question. If there’s specific question I would like I think I, I would want people to just understand what is your goal? I want them to understand what is my goal? What do I wanna get out of therapy? 

COACH FERGIE: Yes. 

Dr. T: Yep. Because as you said, like when you talked [00:20:00] about the car, the way that I think about it, there’s one of the worksheets, which is a bonus worksheet that I put in the book, I call it Me in 3D.

Okay. Who I was, who I am, who I wanna become. I have the acronym MAC, what ab- things about myself that I wanna maintain, things I wanna amplify, and things that I wanna change. And this is just part one. There’s also part two. And I say identifying who I wanna become is where I wanna get, so the address that I’m putting in the GPS.

COACH FERGIE: Okay. 

Dr. T: Once we identify the what, we can figure out how to get there. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. That’s awesome. 

Dr. T: Yeah. And I am sitting with you, but you are the one driving, just the same way that you were talking about I’m sitting with you, you’re the one driving, and my job is to get out of a job.

COACH FERGIE: Yes. I wanna be fired. I would love to be fired in three months, but sometimes some clients will become a crutch to them, and then you gotta challenge them a little bit, 

Dr. T: and I think there’s a… and there is something interesting, ’cause there, even culturally speaking, like to some clients, the sessions are part of their mental health hygiene.

Yeah. And then to some, it’s symptomatic. I give you all of [00:21:00] the instruments that you need to deal with. Because things will continue to happen. When you come to therapy, things don’t stop happening. But it’s just, it’s the same- Life 

COACH FERGIE: goes. It just keeps going, right? 

Dr. T: Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Like, when you get a new either change your belt or get a new stripe, now you have all of the, “Ooh, I need to maintain all that I learn as I continue learning more.” In jujitsu, it’s very similar in therapy. I remember this one client stop- graduated. And then a couple years later, came back, and when we were talking, I asked, “So you continued doing the things that we talked about?”

She’s like, “No, I was doing so well, so I stopped doing it.” And I said, “Riddle me this.” Riddle me this. Something is working. 

COACH FERGIE: Stealing 

Dr. T: all my quotes. Because it’s working, I’m gonna stop doing it. 

COACH FERGIE: Yep. Thank you. Tha- my clients are required for my protocol in the morning, and I always start them off with, I set up a Google Doc form that goes to an app.

It’s a… it says, “What are you grateful for today?” And then I get them into, what are you grateful for, your intention for the day, and then something you [00:22:00] learned yesterday, and someone you served. And by the end of eight weeks, they’ve got basically a journal that they put out. But what they don’t understand, I know that you can attest that there’s science to this, but it’s if you were to say…

they ask me, “Why do I have to do this?” And I’m, and I told them, “You’ll never stop doing it if you always continue wanting to level up.” And, be like, they’re like, “Why am I doing this?” I’m like let’s say you, Dr. T, had a Tesla,” right? And I’ve never seen one before, never heard of it, right? And you’re like, “Fergie, man I got a Tesla.”

And I’m like, “What’s that?” You’re like, “Come over, check it out.” So I check it out, I’m looking at it, and I’m like… “Oh, this is a really cool car.” I see your emotion to it. I get emotional to it. When I drive home, how many Teslas do you think I’ll see? Prob- the reticular activating system, RAS, goes firing because- Yeah

you’re actually doing it. So when you start your day with that- I love it … you’re firing the reticular activating system to look for the gratitude, to look to help people, look to learn for, learn something. And then that, but the thing is it keeps them on and they just keep, they stay with me. And which I’m blessed. Don’t get me wrong, [00:23:00] ’cause, blessed to not be cheap either, to coach them. But at the same time, it’s they start seeing it and they get it. And the best part is to have clients, Dr. T, that you haven’t worked with in five years and you’ll ask, “Hey, let’s see your latest morning protocol,” and they have it.

That’s the best. 

Dr. T: Yeah. It’s beautiful. But I love what you were saying, ’cause it’s funny when you said, “Oh, she like, she has her little like letters behind.” I’m like, you didn’t even need the letters behind your name, ’cause what you’re doing- … is amazing. ‘Cause yeah, like I have a, call it a mini giorno in the morning is what you’re grateful for.

I want to feel blank- Yes … therefore I will. Love that. So what am I gonna create- Action … to bring the- Action … action. Yeah. Then I have I want to accomplish the, these things today. What I don’t accomplish today, I give myself permission to do it by. Because I don’t want it to become a burden. I want… And then at night, what are the things, so I have a- Morning and a night routine.

But there was something that you said, and something came to my mind, but it just left. Ah, no. I can’t believe it. We’re talking about the, the clients. Okay, the, [00:24:00] the routine. Th- there’s a, Milan therapy talks about first order change, second order change. First order change is a changing behavior.

Second order change is a changing belief. Got it. So when I would have my clients power posing there’s a great- You’re like the- … TED Talk by Dr. Amy Co- Stand up. … cody, yeah. Yeah. And Amy Cuddy. And when you power pose, you’re manipulating your body to do what? When our shoulders concave, there is a higher level of cortisol and a- Yes

lesser level of testosterone. When you open up your chest, she says in the study for about two minutes, I can do it for 10 seconds and I’m already feeling it. That’s right. But it’s the inverse. You’re forcing your body to- Yes … increase testosterone and decrease cortisol. Yes. And I love y- the studies of epi- epigenetics, the studies of neuroplasticity, is how to manipulate my body- Yes

to manipulate my mind when my mind is talking too 

COACH FERGIE: much. Love that. Yes. Yes. 100% and it’s all based and bred out of action, right? Yeah. So that, and that’s what you’re taking. So I have to ask you, h- have you seen the movie Back to [00:25:00] the Future? 

Dr. T: Yes. 

COACH FERGIE: Okay, let’s get in that DeLorean with Marty McFly. Let’s go back to the double deuce, to 22-year-old Dr.

Patricia. You probably weren’t a doctor quite yet, but 22-year-old Patricia. What knowledge nuggets might you drop on her to maybe not change much, ’cause your life has been pretty blessed, right? But that might help her shorten her learning curve or blast through a little quicker. What might you say to her at 22?

Dr. T: I think is the put yourself first, not first, see value yourself in relationships as much as you value others. And who, in that, I remember this, this was the time when I was with the yo-yo of my life. That’s what I call it, is- Yeah. … the relationship went like it. And after that relationship is when I started the Me in 3D and I started thinking, “Who is the partner I want to be?”

Yes. Not who’s the partner I want, but who’s the partner- Yes … I want to be, by understanding who is the partner I do not want to be. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. 

Dr. T: Yes. And I don’t want to be walking on eggshells, so I want to foster a [00:26:00] relationship where I don’t do that, and if I notice I’m doing that, that’s my own eternal red flag to say, “Hey, this is what’s happening.”

So I would likely just have her do the Me in 3D right at that moment. Nice. I love that. I love it. And how about how do you want your dash remembered? That little line in between your incarnation date and your expiration date, your life date and death date, right? Hopefully, it’s way down the line, doc, but how do you want your dash remembered?

I think personally, just That I’ve done something to help? Yeah. Yeah. 

Yeah. 

COACH FERGIE: I think a lot of your why is being useful. I really do. I think that you are somebody … Probably your friends probably come to you, right? Yeah. They’re like, “I’ll talk to Patricia.” I am that guy with my buddies, ‘ and it was the best thing ever, but I think that really jump-started my mindset trajectory on an upward bound to where people will come to me just because I’m the guy that is

I’m never not happy. Don’t get me wrong. I get pissed. Don’t [00:27:00] get me wrong. I got my moments, but it takes a lot for me to be unhappy for a whole day. Just ’cause of stuff I saw and I know that life is bam, can be done, … And I love that- Yeah … that you’re in that. 

Dr. T: So- So there are two things that one is from what you were talking about earlier that I wanna tap into.

COACH FERGIE: Yeah. 

Dr. T: Both actionable, and one from what you just said, so I’m gonna start with that one. 

COACH FERGIE: Yeah. 

Dr. T: I also have my moments, right? No way. And I think that ev- all people do. But to get me out of myself- 

COACH FERGIE: yeah … 

Dr. T: it’s only happened twice. 

COACH FERGIE: Okay. 

Dr. T: But it’s the … There is a mantra. So the concept of mantra, when I use it with clients, is the repetition of the state of mind I want to be in.

So one of my mantras is, “Better some than none,” because for a long time I was an all or nothing person. Wow. 

And I noticed all or nothing wasn’t serving me, so I would say, “Better some than none.” Yeah. And now I can choose. But one of them, that goes to what you were saying, is, “Continuous bad mood is a choice.”

COACH FERGIE: Yes. Yes. 

Dr. T: I have the right to be in a bad mood when something worthy of bad mood from my point of view happens. 

COACH FERGIE: Sure. 

Dr. T: [00:28:00] How long I stay in it, that’s when … And it helps me differentiate between I’m having an anxiety moment- … versus I’m in a bad mood. When I say, “Continuous bad mood is a choice,” what do I choose to do now to get me out of it?

COACH FERGIE: Love that. That you … Yeah. K- keep going, please. 

Dr. T: The other thing you were talking about at one point about all the overthinking of all of our thoughts. I’ve been talking to my clients a lot about the difference between passive and active participation of your thoughts. 

COACH FERGIE: Okay. 

Dr. T: When we’re passively participating in our thoughts, we’re just listening to our internal thoughts and what everything.

So I’m listening to the fight that I had or want to have with this individual. I’m listening to all my intrusive thoughts. When you become an active participant is when you start asking, “What purpose does this serve me?” 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. “

Dr. T: Are these factually correct?” 

COACH FERGIE: Yes. 

Dr. T: Or am I going, what supports what I am actually thinking?

COACH FERGIE: Love it. 

Dr. T: So that’s becoming a, an active participant. 

COACH FERGIE: I love that you’re [00:29:00] active in it, that the action I think is our word for today, for you and I, right? And I have my clients do … they have their affirmations. If they put the energy behind them, it can work, but I- I’m a big believer in questions.

Like I believe that our brains have evolved to the point where we are problem solvers, and that if you ask a question in the form of an affirmation, like, “How do I… How is it that I feel so good, great, terrific? How is it that I’m a go-giver? How is it, this?” That your mind will work to answer the question, right?

Versus saying, “I’m a go-giver,” or, “I’m this, I’m that.” Which is fine, I love it, but I’ve found that phrasing their affirmation into a question for themselves, I’ve found a lot more kind of forward progress with them. What do you think of that? 

Dr. T: I like that. I think posing a question, like when I say, “What purpose does this serve?”

I need to answer it. So if I say what was it? A bad mood, continuous bad mood is a choice. What do I want to choose now? Because it does require an [00:30:00] action. I love the affirmations. I talk about cognitive filters. Yeah. So I notice my anxiety comes in time distortion. Is that things present to be a lot more urgent than they actually are.

COACH FERGIE: Gotcha. 

Dr. T: And becoming aware of that, one of the cognitive filters that have hit me, and then I ask clients, and they identify their own, is when I feel the urgency, I ask, “How urgent is this urgency?” And when I ask that question, I pause. My brain… So- 

COACH FERGIE: Yeah … 

Dr. T: neuroplasticity, what it has taught us is that when our- Love 

COACH FERGIE: it, neuroplasticity.

Dr. T: Yep … when our mind talks, our brain is just typing it away. It’s like, “Give me the novel.” Typing it away. Yeah. And typing it away. Our brain does not fact-check our mind. Is when we pause and ask a question “How urgent is my urgency?” It goes like, “Er.” 

COACH FERGIE: Yep. 

Dr. T: And now I get my brain- Yes … to type what I want my mind to see.

So going back to the survivor mode, if I’m always in survivor mode, I’m always seeing everything as dangerous. My b- my mind is [00:31:00] telling my brain, “Everything is dangerous. Everything is dangerous. Everything is dangerous.” So you’re in a constant reactivity mode. When you’re able to shift that mind frame- Which 

COACH FERGIE: jacks up cortisol, right?

Dr. T: Yes. And… 

COACH FERGIE: Yeah. Yes. 

Dr. T: Yes. Love 

COACH FERGIE: it. Okay. 

Dr. T: So to be able to shift it and use it when needed, but not involuntarily- … recreates that pause, then you’re able to respond. Yeah. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. Love it. A- and squad sorry we’re taking you a little long, but this is so good, and I know that you have the, as many notes as I do out there.

Time to Shine Today podcast, Varsity Squad, we are back. And Dr. T, since you live so close, we’re gonna get you in the studio and, we’re gonna talk maybe even longer than we’re able to today.

But, like, when we meet, some of these questions might come up, and you might, you and I might talk about in 15, 20 minutes. But today you got five seconds- Ooh … with no explanations, and I promise you they can all be answered that way. You ready to level up? 

Dr. T: Go. Let’s go. All right. Let’s 

COACH FERGIE: go. Here we go. All right, Dr.

T, what is the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received? 

Dr. T: [00:32:00] Received? Chill, pause, think. 

COACH FERGIE: Love that. Share one of your personal habits that contributes to your success. 

Dr. T: Being thankful 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. And if you saw me somewhere, you’re like, “Fergie looks like he’s in his doldrums,” like is there any book that you read that really helped you flip the switch into a better mindset?

Dr. T: W- 

COACH FERGIE: Other than yours. 

Dr. T: Books that are extraordinary relationships. 

COACH FERGIE: Okay. Do you remember who that’s by? 

Dr. T: That, I don’t remember who that’s by- No … but he talks about Murray Bowen’s, Okay … who is the father of family therapy- 

COACH FERGIE: Got 

it … 

Dr. T: his project. So if you’re- Okay … and it’s, and like it’s from a while back, but definitely 

COACH FERGIE: worth the read.

Got it. Find that book and we’ll put it in the show notes, right? Thanks. Awesome. Your most commonly used emoji, if any, when you text. 

Dr. T: A smile. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. Nicknames growing up? 

Dr. T: Oh, I have so many. Ti, Quija, Lepache, Pachulatu, Pachuca. There’s just a few. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. That’s awesome. [00:33:00] Any hidden talent or superpower that you have that nobody knows about until now?

Dr. T: Oh, I’m an amazing tap dancer. 

COACH FERGIE: Wow, that’s awesome. Chess, checkers, or Monopoly? 

Dr. T: Checkers 

COACH FERGIE: Okay. Go-to ice cream flavor 

Dr. T: Oh, passion fruit 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. And there’s a sandwich called the Pachuca. B- build that sandwich. What are we eating? What’s on that sandwich? 

Dr. T: Oh, pesto for sure. There you 

COACH FERGIE: go. 

Dr. T: Some sliced tomatoes a little bit of grilled chicken.

There you go. I would definitely add some spinach to it. And I’m trying to see if there’s anything… Oh caramelized onions. 

COACH FERGIE: Love it. We melting cheese on it at all? 

Dr. T: I recently 

COACH FERGIE: found out- It doesn’t need it with the pesto … I’m lactose 

Dr. T: intolerant. 

COACH FERGIE: Oh, really? 

Dr. T: Yeah. 

COACH FERGIE: Gotcha. Gotcha. Favorite charity and/or organization you like to give your time and/or money to?

Dr. T: No More Tears. 

COACH FERGIE: What’s that? 

Dr. T: No More Tears. It was created by Samee [00:34:00] Ali and she was a Bollywood actress, came here and helps- Oh, man … she started with helping immigrant- Yeah … victims- Yes … of domestic violence, and today is like- Yes … anyone that l- being, the LGBTQ children, any vulnerable- Yeah … people, she’s there.

COACH FERGIE: I’m, I should be ashamed of myself. I know exactly what that is. Sorry about that. Yeah. That’s awesome. Last question, you can elaborate on this one a little bit, but what’s the best decade of music? So the ’60s, ’70s, ’80s or ’90s? Of music? Or 2000? 

Dr. T: I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s- Okay … so that’s my jam.

Me too. I 

COACH FERGIE: love 

Dr. T: it. 

COACH FERGIE: So much happened in- Yeah … the ’80s especially, but that’s, that, that’s awesome. Dr. T, how can we find you, my friend? 

Dr. T: Advocatetwocreate.com. By the way, the two is the number two, so advocate, the number two, create.com. Okay. That’s my website. That’s, right there, it’s me and Michelle who works with me.

She’s wonderful. I love her. You can see the book there. Yeah. The audiobook, which just came out and super excited about. Yay. I’m actually starting to work on the second [00:35:00] one. 

COACH FERGIE: That’s excellent. And the, so also you are found on quite a few of the socials with Instagram as well, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Dr. T: LinkedIn, 

COACH FERGIE: yes. So we’re all there. And also your book, Why Are We Fighting? Actionable Strategies for Effective Communication, which came out it looks like September, a couple years ago, right? 

Dr. T: 2024. 

COACH FERGIE: Okay. Talk to us. 

Dr. T: All right. So the Why Are We Fighting? It, I talk about the IAP model, intention, action, perception.

COACH FERGIE: Okay. 

Dr. T: And I give actionable strategies. So the first two chapters, which are small, are about the theory itself. I give a lot of anecdotes a lot of ways that things take place and then I talk about all the actionable strategies. And when I say actionable, like for example, the three columns of communication.

Is column one is venting, not to the person, but all the tangents, all the things that I know are gonna derail the conversation, I vent it out, and I talk about different ways of venting. Column two, [00:36:00] what is the, you’re deciphering the message. What’s the message I want the person to receive? And I ask questions.

Column three- Knowing that individual, what’s the best delivery method to actually get your message across? So it asks you to filter through all the tangents. And then- Sh- the powerful questions you ask yourself before you take action. Absolutely. Oh, yes. So that’s for the person doing the action. Love that.

The person receiving it, rule of three interpretations. There is data of what happened. The reaction, immediate thought that comes from the automatic thought from a behavior, and then we react based on that. I ask you to pause, identify two other interpretations of the same data, and choose the one that serves you best.

COACH FERGIE: Love that. 

Dr. T: So those are just two examples of actionable strategies, all of which have worksheets- 

COACH FERGIE: Oh, wow … 

Dr. T: of how you can apply this. It’s all 

COACH FERGIE: in the book, right? 

Dr. T: It’s all in the book. Even the audiobook, I have for everybody who purchases 

COACH FERGIE: the audiobook- A link to go through and use the worksheets? 

Dr. T: The 

COACH FERGIE: PDF 

Dr. T: Love [00:37:00] it.

Yeah. 

COACH FERGIE: Good for you. This is awesome. And squad, I am going to do a two-book giveaway. The first two people that put in, I don’t care what social media site it is, just put it in the comments. I’ll… You can text it to 561-440-3830. Just put in Dr. T. Just put in Dr. T. I’ll know that you’ve listened this long.

Put that in, and on Time to Shine today’s dime, I’m going to mail you the book. And Doc, thank you for staying a little bit longer, but if you could, please leave us a knowledge nugget that we can take with us, internalize, and take action on. 

Dr. T: Okay. So whenever something happens and you get frustrated by it or it triggers you, I want you to pause and give it the benefit of the doubt.

Identify is there a different way that the same thing was meant to be received? Or even if I talk to somebody and I notice their reaction is not what I expected- … pause and just check, “Hey, how did you receive this? ‘Cause this was [00:38:00] my intention.” So essentially, I guess the word here is pause. 

COACH FERGIE: Power of the pause.

Love that. 

Dr. T: Yes. 

COACH FERGIE: I- and squad I literally have two pages, or actually two and a half pages of notes, that Dr. T has lived a, a pretty well-rounded life, good times, bad times, but she was in love with the mind more than the brain, and she did have her s- her support from the family to go to– her Jewish family, to kinda go down that road.

She wants us to, respond in lieu of reacting. Slow down, listen, and then respond. Okay, again, responsibility is the ability to respond, so take responsibility for your actions. Even if you are well-meaning in your actions, know that they could harm others. So be very careful of how you’re phrasing stuff, talking to people.

Don’t not say it, that’s not what Doc said, but just be very cognitive of where you are. Like, her superpower to me, I believe, is curiosity, just like mine. And she reminded us that when you’re in survival r- mode, we’re always reacting. There’s no way for us to respond. [00:39:00] And she’s such a great listener.

I can see her, she doesn’t just listen with her ears, she’s listening with her whole body, and I call it l- listening with your neck. She’s really leaning in with her clients and finding out which direction they can take them to help them heal or level up. And she said something that some is better than none, and I love that.

I used to say that, 10% of something is better than 100% of nothing. But i- if some is better than none is beautiful. This woman does things for the intention, not the attention. You don’t see her out there leaning on Lambos down in Miami, doing all this stuff, saying, “Look at me.” No, she’s there to serve you.

She’s planting trees she’s never gonna sit in the shade of with what she’s doing. And lastly, she reminded us to pause, squad. Pause. There’s a power in that pause, in seeing if what someone is saying to you and identifying if you should receive it differently. It m- they might not even be saying anything to hurt you.

They might just w- want to explain something. So really pause before you [00:40:00] react. Pause and respond, and that’s what my good friend does. Dr. T, you level up your health, you level up your wealth. You’ve earned your varsity squad letter here at Time to Shine today. Thank you so much for coming on. I cannot wait to meet you since we live so close, face to face, and get you in the radio studio as well.

I absolutely love your guts. 

Dr. T: Thank you so much. Love being here. 

COACH FERGIE: Yay! Talk soon.