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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Unknown Speaker  0:13  

time to shine today podcast versus squad. This is Scott Ferguson and we are at episode 277 With my awesome sauce friend Linda Shively. We’re going to talk about slaying and eliminating your joy stealing dragons. And you couldn’t ask for anybody better to really talk about this as Linda went through a major tragedy in life. She lost her young daughter and but she found joy in the darkness. But I’m going to let her really tell this story. It’s amazing. It moved me it had some Kleenex out and just so looking forward to bring you this awesome sauce conversation with my good friend Linda Shively. So without further ado, here she comes. Linda Shively that slay our joy stealing dragons and level up time to shine today podcast firstly squad This is Scott Ferguson and we are all about slain and taming the joy stealing dragons in your life. I got my really good friend from the Left Coast out there in San Fran erielle into Shively and she’s an award winning speaker presenting from places like Walmart all the way to Carnegie Hall, you have to check out her LinkedIn profile. You have to check out her website as well which is fantastic. This woman is very very credentialed and Linda has been studying brain in mind function for over 30 years and the little knowledge that I get podcasts that I drop out about NLP neuro linguistic programming and whatnot. I cannot wait to dig in a little bit with my good friend Linda here in you know after leaving her abusive marriage in two weeks lady later having her daughter passed away. She reinvented who she was now she helps others to do the same. So she’s very much a reinvention architect and I love that about Linda and Linda, thank you so much for coming on. Please introduce yourself to time to shine today podcast. Firstly squat. But first, what’s your favorite color and why?

Unknown Speaker  2:13  

Well, my favorite color is purple. Yeah, that’s why I’m wearing it today.

Unknown Speaker  2:19  

And you got the the purple flowers in the background and I love it. It’s Royal and regal fits you perfectly. excitedly is kind of like a royal name. I love it. So let’s dig into a little bit about taming these dragons, Linda and kind of give us maybe your stories. I I know my squad wants to hear it. That that’s out there. And if you could kind of give the story and and we’ll break out the tissues if need be.

Unknown Speaker  2:44  

Thanks, Scott. Back in December of 2005, I had to make a really tough decision. I had to figure out how to escape an abusive marriage with my severely handicapped three year old daughter Jessica. Jessica was a bright eyed, happy little girl. She had so much joy. She loved her friends at preschool. She loved reading, she loved playing with stickers and zooming around in her power chair because she had strength in her index finger to navigate that. And I say power chair and you’re like wait, what? Well, she had a condition called spinal muscular atrophy. It’s a progressive neuromuscular disorder that affected her ability to crawl, walk, swallow and even breathe. But she loved life. And she didn’t know anything was wrong with her and kept me going. Even though her diagnosis was so challenging to receive. And she loved interacting with other people. She just had this joy that she would bring to the world and I got so much joy from her. My marriage, on the other hand, keeps me on high alert. I never knew when he was going to explode. I never knew what was gonna happen. I thought, well, if I do what he wants, everything will be fine. But that didn’t work ever does, right? ever does. And I didn’t know how to get out. I had this child that needed tremendous care. What was I gonna do? How was it gonna go? How was I possibly going to do this on my own? One day. I made the decision. I told her nurse after we got home from preschool. I’m gonna put Jessica down for a nap. You pack up her medical equipment. I’ll pack her clothes and her toys as soon as she wakes up. We’re going to escape. After a flurry of activity Jessica wakes up. We look at the van and we leave. Okay. Exactly two weeks later. Two days after Christmas, I hope Jessica in my arms, she takes her last breath and dies. Sorry. And from that moment on, I struggled to see any kind of future for myself. I was lost, I didn’t know what to do. And I finally realized there was one missing component, one missing key that I hadn’t had. And when it’s missing, just nothing seems to work. And that was joy. And when I had it, I loved it. Everything worked. Everything seemed to work. Right. And, and so that’s why I talked about what you mentioned earlier, the joy stealing dragons, because I realized that when people don’t have joy, their life doesn’t work. And when they have it, it can. And I’m not talking about old plaster on a smile, and everything is wonderful. Like, you know, happiness, joy. I’m talking about that deep, true joy that underlies everything, right? No matter what has happened, no matter what tragedies you’ve had, no matter what life experiences have happened to you. That joy can still be there. And that’s, that’s my story. That’s my journey. That’s why I talk about joy.

Unknown Speaker  6:25  

Do you think that you pulled because Jessica was such a happy child, she didn’t really realize what she made me realize I understood her her handicap at the time. But that that strength that she had, do you think some of that kind of like, immersed into you while you’re building your joy?

Unknown Speaker  6:44  

Oh, definitely. Definitely. You know, and I think we fed off each other. I was happy being with her. She was happy being with me. So that and I know, she still lives with me. And so as I as I carry that, even though she’s not physically present, sure he’s here. And so my mission is to continue to share that joy.

Unknown Speaker  7:09  

Yes, thank you the joy that she showed everybody at preschool in zooming around in her chair and whatnot. So what was that switch? Then it kind of said, Okay, I’m going to tame this dragon. I’m going to experience real joy in my life. And squat, I’m so glad that she said, real joy, because you know, I teach that you need to have power poses and smiling and stuff like that to help physiologically change you. But there’s so many other aspects that go into real joy and real joy feeling. So what was that tipping point to use? Malcolm Gladwell here, you know, what was the tipping point that said, Listen, I’m going to take these strengths that Jessica passed on to me. And the strengths that I already had in the resilience and the persistence that I have to help others.

Unknown Speaker  8:00  

There, I would love to say there was just one moment that poof everything.

Unknown Speaker  8:04  

Right, but never lived up to that, oh,

Unknown Speaker  8:08  

the realization that a friend of mine, when Jessica was first diagnosed, she had sent me. She told me, she’s like, You can’t change what happens to you. You can only change how you deal with it. And I kept going back to that, and it’s like, yeah, I can’t change the she died, I can’t change that she’s not still on this planet. I can change how I approach it, I can change how I talk about or how I share her. And I don’t think I know anybody who doesn’t know about Jessica. And if it is, it’s because I just met them. And even that, they they learn about her real quick, because it’s so much of who I am and so much of what I can share and help people with. I think when I realized that sharing that joy gave me more joy. Yeah, it it’s a win win in that

Unknown Speaker  9:11  

regard. I love that and how may I ask this? Like? Is it fair to say that kind of what another way that you kind of said it is like what’s happened to you is not what’s happening to you?

Unknown Speaker  9:28  

Yeah, okay. It’s all about the meaning that we give to the stories that we tell ourselves Yes. Because a story is just a story. Like what happened? Okay. So something dropped something broke something, you know, what’s the meaning behind that? Sure. Oh, you know, is it like the the heirloom that that crashed and broke and you’re sad because now you don’t have that remembrance of, you know, or is it Well, it broke and I had it while I had it. Now it’s gone. Right? You know, I had I had a gratitude journal. So I’m all about gratitude. Right there. Yeah. And I had a backpack stolen out of my car. The gratitude journal was in the backpack. It was the gratitude journal I had started soon after Jessica died and had lasted for quite a while, because it’s a real thick one. Sure. And it was like, what? What’s it? You know, I’ve done so much work, and it was still upsetting to me, right? How do I grapple with that? What do I tell myself about this story? And it’s like, well, I had said, I was almost done with that journal. Well, I didn’t realize what that meant. Sure. Right. And it’s like, okay, it’s gone. What do I do with that? And I could have been miserable. And woe is me that I lost it. Or it was like, now I can start a new journal. Now that I can start from here, right, and move forward. And that piece? Yes, I can’t go back and revisit that. But it served its purpose, right. And so any, anything that happens, it’s like, what’s the story that you tell yourself and

Unknown Speaker  11:22  

the meanings? The stories, right, yeah. And we say, I was, again, I, with my clients, I’m basically regurgitating everything that I’ve been taught by just fantastic mentors and coaches, you know, the overlap your happiness, meaning like, if if you were to come here, and I set up a speaking engagement, like, I’m going to see Fergie, and, you know, we’re going to rock the stage. And we’re going, I’m going to South Florida, where it’s warm, and all this and that and then, but that ends, like you’re going to get on a plane back, you know, so, or anything that’s bad happens to you is going to ends everything’s finite. So we teach and what you’re teaching, I’m just saying in the different ways to overlap your happiness, always have something that is going to give you joy and happiness, whether me I love complimenting people, you know, that’s the meat, I’ll say something, I know that when I light them up, it makes me light up. And that’s the way I love that you’re kind of overlap and happiness and whatnot. So when you’re coaching people, and you’re bringing them in, maybe for we’ll say a discovery period. Is there any secret sauce that you can share with us that you use Linda that maybe helped them find their blind spot?

Unknown Speaker  12:32  

Great question when when someone is unaware of what’s really going on, asking why that’s happening, what’s beneath that and just continuing that process of why and layering that can sometimes be illuminated? Because usually the first response that 99% of people say is I don’t know. I don’t know. Right? Well, if you didn’t know, what would it be? Right? And just getting them to think about it again, and catching them and calling him out on it, then, you know, you probably do know, and it’s like, oh, yeah, well then and then the story comes out? Sure. Whatever, whatever.

Unknown Speaker  13:22  

You do that by asking some awesome questions to, you know, make them think in making lofty so while you’re in maybe in the discovery, thinking about higher? Is there any good question that you wish they would ask you, but never do? Hmm.

Unknown Speaker  13:46  

Great question.

Unknown Speaker  13:47  

This is time to shine today.

Unknown Speaker  13:52  

When what question, that would be a fabulous question. What is it? What is it that what what should I be asking you? Right? Probably, the question to ask me would be, why is it so critical to get to that root cause? Wow.

Unknown Speaker  14:16  

What would your answer be if you don’t mind sharing?

Unknown Speaker  14:20  

Once you get to the root, then you can actually address that. And then that that ripples to everything else.

Unknown Speaker  14:30  

Wow. That route once you get down and dig deep and find that why I heard you really dig in for their why once they get to their roots, and you can start the game plan to level up. I love that, Linda, that’s fantastic. So this kind of a two part question, but what are your strengths and how much do you appreciate them?

Unknown Speaker  14:52  

One of my strengths is the ability to hold space and really listen to people and Get people to share what it is that is happening to them. I, I have had some amazing experiences with my clients that they get to places they get to places. I’ve never told anyone this before. I’ve never shared this, and my ability to allow that. And so frequently, we don’t have people or many of my clients don’t have people that will actually listen. Like really, really listen and get them. Right. without judgment. Right. How much do you appreciate that? By yourself? Oh, I love it. Yeah. I love it.

Unknown Speaker  15:45  

Okay, how about your limitations? What limitations do you feel like you impose on yourself?

Unknown Speaker  15:51  

Oh, I I’m, I’m one of my worst critics. Okay, which is why I talked about the joy stealer dragons because they’re, they’re the dragons that I need to continually tame for myself.

Unknown Speaker  16:04  

I love it. And it’s funny is that they never fully go away. It’s kind of like that movie where you see somebody that’s maybe you’re thinking passed on, and they come back in a different scene or on down the road, but just maybe even in a different form? You find that that’s a great question, you find it happening, that the problems that you overcame with your joy and your protocol that you use to get there, come back in different forms.

Unknown Speaker  16:30  

I love that you say that I talked about it in several different ways, either the layers of the onion, where you peel off a layer, and then there’s another layer underneath, or as if you’re going up a mountain. And so if the problem is on one side of the mountain, you keep going higher. So you might revisit the problem, but it’s not at the same level. Right? Right, you’re at a different place. So so what what I managed now, the challenges that I come up against now are very different than what they were years ago. Right. And, and it’s it’s like a higher level of you know, it, it’s, it just shifts.

Unknown Speaker  17:16  

Sure. I love that you said shifts, because a lot of people say pivot nowadays, like I’m gonna pivot and I grew up with shift within my coaching business. I guess now I say ship it, right.

Unknown Speaker  17:31  

Right. Pivot that has a different it does I try to get

Unknown Speaker  17:36  

different, like that’s kind of completely changing where shifting is adjusting? Oh,

Unknown Speaker  17:45  

you like your flow into a situation like when you say you’re kind of going up that mountain, you’re actually making progress. And you got to adapt to different situations because winners adapt. They don’t make excuses. I love that. So have you seen the movie Back to the Future? Yes, I have. Okay, let’s get that DeLorean with Marty McFly. Let’s go back to the double deuce to 20 year old Linda. What kind of knowledge nuggets would you be dropping on the 22 year old Linda to maybe help her shortner learning curve level up and blast through maybe just a little bit quicker? Let’s say making changes, but what you know now what knowledge nuggets would you give her? Trust your gut? Thank you. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  18:22  

that would be that would be number one on the list. Okay. And, and one other knowledge nuggets? I’m believing yourself?

Unknown Speaker  18:33  

Yes. And don’t be afraid to ask and

Unknown Speaker  18:37  

ask for help. You know, yeah. Because all of it is, you know, get support. And because I I fully believe that everybody needs a coach and coaches especially need coaches. Oh,

Unknown Speaker  18:53  

yeah. And yes, thank you. And

Unknown Speaker  18:57  

we’re sometimes more than one for different different aspects of life. Exactly.

Unknown Speaker  19:01  

And my squad knows, you know, I have a a mindset coach. I have a body coach. And then I also have a spiritual coach. You know, I’m a Christian so I kind of go that Robert, I don’t care where anyone goes this give the Creator their love, and let them go with it. And I love that you said basically, which I have to make an introduction between you and my good friend, Leah Woodford from smartphones. She’s all ladies and it’s just an awesome company. And she told me before said Get your asking here. Don’t be afraid. So like you said trust. You trust your gut leaving yourself and get your asking God love, love. Love that. So how do you want your dash remembered Linda that little line in between your incarnation date and your expiration date your life date and death date? How do you want Linda’s day? Dash remember?

Unknown Speaker  19:50  

Did I bring joy and compassion to the world? Wow.

Unknown Speaker  19:57  

You know what though? I use a lot of have sports metaphors like you’re somebody that literally is going to slide across home plate bumped and bruised, but you’re going to score and you’re going to help other people score as well. And I love I love that you’re such a go giver. Oh my gosh, this is phenomenal. So what keeps you up at night Linda?

Unknown Speaker  20:18  

Honestly, sometimes social media which

Unknown Speaker  20:25  

these things right here, if you’re watching YouTube, the the blue blockers, and I get there too, so I do wear them at night, my lady make sure I do. So.

Unknown Speaker  20:34  

But seriously, what keeps me up at night, if I’m not having a deep conversation with somebody, because those are what I really love, but things, thinking about how I’m going to help people how I’m going to improve what I’m going to do, like, I have that client in mind, it’s like what, you know, I’m VIP day coming up with somebody and it’s like, what are we going to do? How am I going to make it even more special? I’ve been there and it’s like, you know, just figuring out those nuggets. You know, how can I serve my community even more powerfully, and you know, get get my true joy Life Group. Even more value than they’re already in?

Unknown Speaker  21:11  

Love that. So what do you think people misunderstand about you the most?

Unknown Speaker  21:18  

Hmm.

Unknown Speaker  21:22  

It depends on who it is. Okay. People that don’t know me may think I’m shy. Okay. And people who know me know that I don’t shut up.

Unknown Speaker  21:38  

You’re just getting, I’m in barn.

Unknown Speaker  21:43  

I’m an introverted extrovert loving. So like, because I love speaking on stages. I love speaking to people, I share the information that I learned because I’m passionate about it. And when I get excited about things, I love to share it. When I get when I’m getting to know somebody, I often listen and so I’ll sit back and I’ll just be quiet and so people won’t know like Who is she? Right? So

Unknown Speaker  22:10  

what if we take out of this equation your computer tablet cell phone all those social media gadgets if we take all those out? What are three things Linda can’t live without

Unknown Speaker  22:25  

my friends and family connection love it. Okay. Yeah. The Well, obviously, I mean, the basics of food and water and shelter. Yeah, let’s take those. Take taking those out. You can eat chicken

Unknown Speaker  22:36  

wings, and I’m a chicken wings snob. I’m skinny

Unknown Speaker  22:50  

hugs.

Unknown Speaker  22:51  

Yeah. Love it. I think you should just say connection. Connection connection. Yeah, that’s beautiful. I love it. Yeah, I love it. I love it. So then what is your definition of a life well lived.

Unknown Speaker  23:03  

a life well lived is a life where you are on purpose. Doing things to help other people and taking care of yourself. I love it. And I think that’s the piece that a lot of people leave out is they don’t take care of themselves.

Unknown Speaker  23:22  

Right. And I love like, like Steve Farber, who’s somebody that I admire a lot he wrote the book radical leap and a couple of things correct coach he’s like, he said do what you love in the service of people that love what you do. People will know if you love what you do. period but you do what you love in the service of others. I love that. Time to shine today podcast varsity squad. We are back with Rockstar coach speaker all around beautiful lady Linda Shively and Linda you and I could you and I know could speak an hour and pretty much every single question I’m going to ask you but you have five seconds to answer with no explanations you right a level up. And she gave us a thumbs up if you’re just listening. I love it. All right, Linda, what is the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received? Trust your gut. share one of your personal habits that contributes to your success. Gratitude. Beautiful other than your website Linda shively.com and also my site time to shine today. Calm my shameless plug what site does Linda go to the Level Up

Unknown Speaker  24:28  

ted.com

Unknown Speaker  24:29  

Beautiful. You see me walking down the street and now the Fergie looks like us doldrums just not feeling it? What book are you handed me

Unknown Speaker  24:44  

I know this is a lightning round

Unknown Speaker  24:46  

but I don’t know. Do no worries. No worries.

Unknown Speaker  24:50  

I have a different book that I was going to talk about but

Unknown Speaker  24:53  

what’s your most commonly used emoji? Oh the smiley face beautiful. In Don’t lie to me on this one. But if you can stay one age physically for the rest of your life, keep the net knowledge you’ve garnered and continue to gain knowledge. What age physically would you stay for the rest of your life? 35 Thank you for putting a three on that. I’d be 50 next week and I would love to be 32 again. Love it. Love it. Nicknames growing up.

Unknown Speaker  25:22  

No nicknames. No

Unknown Speaker  25:22  

nicknames. What was your New Year’s resolution?

Unknown Speaker  25:27  

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions

Unknown Speaker  25:29  

enough. chess or checkers. Chess beautiful favorite charity and our organization like to give your time or money to

Unknown Speaker  25:36  

spinal cure SMA

Unknown Speaker  25:40  

love it. Danny put that to show notes. We just had.org Yes. Okay. Beautiful. And last question. You can elaborate on this a little bit, Linda. But what is the best decade of music 60s 70s 80s or 90s 80s? Thank you for saying that big hair don’t care. If you and I got to hang out sometime we will have a blast. We run so parallel. We just speak a different language. You know it. It’s like a different dialect, same language, different dialects and things. It’s just beautiful. Beautiful. So Linda, how can we find you?

Unknown Speaker  26:14  

The best way to find me is my website, Linda shively.com. Okay, and and Scott, I have a fabulous resource for people love it. If they want to know which of the joy stealing dragons, we didn’t really talk about them. But which of them is most active and what to do about them to tame them. Go to my joy driven life.com forward slash shine. And you’ll get a quick quiz that you can take and get the results of those quizzes to figure out what to do about those dragons.

Unknown Speaker  26:47  

What are what are you seeing with the dragons? Which one if you had to rank which dragon steals the most joy? What do you think it is?

Unknown Speaker  26:57  

Overwhelmed Ophelia?

Unknown Speaker  26:58  

Okay, talk about that.

Unknown Speaker  27:01  

Around though philia keeps you constantly busy. She wants you to have your To Do Lists packed and your schedule packed and never get done the things that actually need to get done. Right, you’re always behind and always feeling like there’s more to do. And she wants you to be busy as if it’s like a badge of honor.

Unknown Speaker  27:22  

Right? Now, I was told that, you know, when you die, your inbox will not be empty, you know? So it’s like, I make sure I prioritize everything and make as many people shine as I can. But I know that when I lay my head down, for the most part, I’ve did what I could and I gotta get that sleep. How do you prioritize sleep in your life?

Unknown Speaker  27:45  

Yesterday I went to bed early, good because I was tired because you’re coming on my show.

Unknown Speaker  27:54  

Any good speaking engagements coming up?

Unknown Speaker  27:57  

Only my own within my community. Okay, nothing outside of the community, this community. So it’s a true joy life community. And if you actually, you can find it on Facebook. It’s called true joy. If you search for that it’s hot pink with all sorts of happy people and look for it. I love having happy people. Well, people who are looking to have more joy in their life, they’re wanting to tap into their true joy and like I talked about, it’s not so much the fake plaster on a smile shirt, that deep true connection. I occasionally will pop into that community and do hotseat coaching with people or I’ll throw in some tidbits that are interesting. And then for my paid clients, we have a private community where we meet on a regular basis beautiful you have access to a lot more information

Unknown Speaker  28:57  

love you say laugh your way to joy. I laugh every morning. Just I do I mean I luckily have to rescue cats and a rescue people that just give me reasons to. So it’s a lot of fun. So leave us if you don’t mind, Linda with one last Knowledge Nugget you want us to take with us internalize and take action.

Unknown Speaker  29:18  

Do something for yourself today. And realize that if you’re doubting yourself if you’re not feeling good enough that you’re not the only one and to realize that you can shift that.

Unknown Speaker  29:34  

Yes. Thank you so much in squad. I literally have two pages of notes just from talking if you’re watching on YouTube, just from talking to my good friend Linda, who you know her beautiful angel Jessica taught her so much in her short, short lifestyle but she still Linda struggled to kind of see a future and one thing that she noticed that was missing is joy. Real joy not the fake bullshit stuff that you plaster on, and walk around and act but really feeling the joy all the way through your bones. You know, she can tell you that you can choose what happens to you. But you can’t always choose what happens to you but how you deal with it. So what’s happened to you? isn’t really what’s happening to you. So sometimes we say, you know, I use analogy a lot, that small rearview mirror that small for a reason, the dashboards big you can learn from that history, but it’s not a place to really be lived in. Alright, squad, she wants you to really overlap your joy to find things daily, on the minute on the second, if you can, that you’re truly grateful for like my good friend, Linda says, did a gratitude journal start you utilizing it. And if you want to go to her site, and really check it out, I love that she puts on your laugh, your way to joy, the psychology of being stuck, she covers all those bases. You know, a great coach Linda says, we’ll help you find your why. And the why is critical to get you going and to really find those roots because once you can find the root cause you can start to attach joy, like she would say, to really blast through and tame those dragons. You know, she her strength really is the ability to hold space and listen, just listen with your ears. She listens with all our senses. And like we like to say, listen with our neck that we’re really into it and listening to her clients. And that’s why they’re successful as they go through our program. She wants you to trust your gut. Believe in yourself and get your asking here when you don’t know some don’t be afraid to ask. She’s gonna be remembered as someone that brought joy and compassion. She lives on purpose in the service of others. And she wants you to do something special for yourself today. And remember you’re not alone. She has an awesome a group on facebook. We’ll put it in the show notes a true joy. It’s pink and it’s a lot of people are laughing I’m literally looking at right now. When she had me when she said I brought it up. So you so so much for coming on. You’ve earned your varsity letter here at time to shine today. We love your guts. You level up your health, you level up your wealth, and we cannot wait to collaborate with you in the future. I have so many ideas.

Unknown Speaker  32:05  

I’m so excited. Thanks so much for having me by now.

Unknown Speaker  32:09  

Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. proudly brought to you by Sutter in New Jersey real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com Flash gust if you’d like this up, so please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see our recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine

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