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Speech Transcript

L. Scott Ferguson: [00:00:00] Time to shine today. Podcast Varsity Squad. This is Scott Ferguson. We’re back with a 2. 0 interview with somebody, again, I immensely respect, an author of his second book now, Sustain Your Game. And whether it’s the page, the stage or the mic, that’s how my boy Alan always opens up his podcast. , he’s always on point.

, I had the privilege again of interviewing him back, I believe it’s episode 264. And since then he’s authored his second book, Sustain Your Game, , covering managing stress, avoiding stagnation and beating burnout. My guy Allen here is a man with humble curiosity, lives a life consistently filling his own bucket while selling the elevator, sending the elevator down and helping others fill theirs, which is fantastic.

The plus equals minus just stands out with my coaching and my clients on a daily basis. He reminds us quite constantly that, , a candle loses nothing while lighted another candle, right? And my boy. , Alan, he harmonizes his busy schedule, rocking stages while being a proud, fantastic father to Lila, Jack, and Luke, while monitoring [00:01:00] daddery.

, he’s a man has, has intellectual curiosity, is always progressing and growing and pouring into others. And he’s a living adjective. Are you ready to get Steinated? So you ready to rock here, Alan? Thank you so much for coming back, brother. But I have to know, what is the superpower that you have?

Alan Stein Jr.: Before I tell you my superpower, that might be the most unique and original intro of all time. I got to take you on the road with me, man. That’s

L. Scott Ferguson: awesome. I’ll open for you any day, brother.

Alan Stein Jr.: I’ll tell you that, dude. You’ve got the gift of gab and you’ve got some great vocabulary, so that was really cool.

L. Scott Ferguson: What’s the superpower you got that really not that many people know about? I care.

Alan Stein Jr.: , I actually care. I care about my work. I care about my craft. I care about those I serve. I care about certainly family and friends and those close to me, but , I just care about people in general. I care about doing a good job.

I care about putting out content that others find helpful. , I care about showing up for a show like this, wanting to do the best I’m capable of because I owe [00:02:00] that to you and to your audience and I respect you and your audience. And so I think my superpower is simply that I. I

L. Scott Ferguson: care. I love it. I love it.

And it just goes right along with kind of your outline and model of how you’ve really authored both of your books, man. You, you give away a lot that a lot of people would charge for, , for free in 264 pages or whatnot. Right. And so like, I really want to take people kind of through the book without making them want to, , grab it and I’m going to have a three book giveaway squad.

If you wait to the end where time to shine today, we’ll, , send the books out to you. But like, , we broke it down into, , managing stress, avoiding stagnation , impeding the burnout. With the managing stress, You’ve mentioned meditation quite a bit throughout the book and like you I was a guy that rolled their eyes It’s like no way man, But now I’m not into consistently as many days as you have but for the past I don’t know 16 months I probably missed 12 days.

I think of a 10 minute [00:03:00] meditation in the morning. I loved dr Jody right like dispensers just kind of gets me Really ready to step into the future while staying present. What meditation are you using, Alan, to really level up and get your morning started the right way after you make your bed.

Alan Stein Jr.: After I make my bed, that’s always number one, , for close to four years, I used the Headspace app and I used to use a guided meditation. Been about a year since I’ve used it, and I actually don’t do any guided meditations at present. I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where I can now kind of guide myself and sit in stillness several times throughout the day just to kind of recalibrate and check in.

So, , one thing I’ve noticed, I’ve always been very intentional and very disciplined in my morning and my evening routines. But if you look over the last year, three years, five years, 10 years, what I actually do in my morning and evening routine constantly changes. And, and this is one of them. The last time we spoke, I mean, I was unbelievably religious about doing my headspace meditation every day, [00:04:00] and now I’m not so much now.

I still value quietness. I still value stillness. I still value breath work and, and, and. Other meditative qualities, but I don’t actually follow the app the way that I used to. And that’s just part of the journey. I may get back to it at some

L. Scott Ferguson: point. No, I love that you said that. I mean, because you put the reps in and headspace, it’s like when you, , got your black belt and so do, right.

It’s like you, you put the reps in, right. And so it becomes to the point now where let’s say you’re working arm bars, you put the reps and now you just kind of do them in your sleep in a sense. Right. So you’re just, it became part of your process with that. Cause I found that Like one of the hardest things I ever had to do was my coach had me sit in a room, Alan, and by myself, no TV, no sleeping, no books, no nothing.

And that was pro for five minutes. And that was probably the hardest thing earlier in my life that I’ve ever had to do with being able to stay present with myself and really get to know myself because, , I’m a Christian, , and God speaks to me through the silence. I believe silence is God’s voice and just really getting [00:05:00] to it.

But no, I appreciate that you’re able to level up your game to that, to be able to do it on your own and sit in stillness because a lot of people can’t and including myself. I can do it, but it’s still a challenge for me, and that’s why I really that

Alan Stein Jr.: I really struggle with that as well. And for me, that was and I’m not saying this to judge anyone else.

That was a personal red flag for me. I struggled the same way you just described with such great vulnerability. It was hard for me to sit in stillness for just a couple of minutes without some type of external stimulation without, , staring at my phone or reading a book or listening to music like just the quietness was very disturbing to me.

Yeah. And that then an alarm bell went off and I thought there’s something not right here. I should be able to sit in stillness. Now, , I don’t have any desire to be a Tibetan monk and, , sit cross legged at the top of a mountain for, for eight hours at a time, but I should be able to sit in stillness for five minutes with nothing but my thoughts.

And now, thankfully I can do that even for longer than five minutes. But yeah, when I first started that headspace [00:06:00] journey, I really struggled with that. But, but I leaned into that struggle and I thought, , this is a red flag. This is not something that, that I’m pleased with about myself, so I need to do something to change it.

L. Scott Ferguson: I love it. And, and that, that’s transparent and I really appreciate you, , sharing that as well. , you mentioned this, Stu Singer said that because a lot of people have anxiety and that’s part of, , that that leads to where meditation can help you. With that, right? But he said that the replay that the stress and say anxiety live in the replay in the prequel.

Can you unpack what he kind of meant by that? Because I mean, you didn’t really gloss over it because there was reading before and after, but I really wanted to dig in your thoughts on and what you were getting from Stu on that.

Alan Stein Jr.: For the most part, with minimal exception, there’s not very much stress in the actual present moment.

Most of our stress comes from replaying something from the past. Or feeling anxious about a perceived future, what we think is going to happen in the future. And, , I’m going to say something that many [00:07:00] people think is, is rather controversial, but if you allow me to elaborate, that is stress as a choice.

Now, the events that happen in our lives, the events, the circumstances, what people say, what people do, we don’t have any control over that. Like that part is not the choice. The environment is going to do what the environment is going to do. But how we respond is ultimately what creates our stress level and how we respond is absolutely a choice here.

Here’s how I can prove it. Let’s just say you come visit me here in the Washington DC area, which is notorious for having awful traffic. And you and I are both sitting in traffic and I choose. To get frustrated. I choose to white knuckle the steering wheel, honk my horn, give people the finger, get agitated.

Like why is, why are all of these people in my way? I’m trying to make a lunch appointment and you on the other hand choose to take a deep breath. Either enjoy some stillness or maybe listen to a podcast or maybe call a friend. , you, your [00:08:00] response is I don’t control the cars around me, but I’m going to accept this as my reality and I’m going to choose a response that’s better for me.

So even though we’re both being hit with the exact same external stimuli, you’re choosing. A lower stressed response than I’m choosing and that’s when that lightbulb finally went off for me, which sadly took four decades. I realized I’m the one in the power. I have all of the control. I have the keys to the car.

And so it doesn’t matter what happens in the external world. I can choose a response that will move me forward, make my situation better and lower my stress. Now, one last caveat. I know this was a mouthful just so anyone watching or listening doesn’t think I’ve completely lost my mind or being in touch with reality.

I’m not saying that everything that happens is my preference. Most of what happens is not my preference, but I’ve learned that it’s not the universe’s job to conspire to meet all of my preferences. I understand [00:09:00] that plenty of things are going to happen in this world that aren’t my preference, but I still get to choose how I respond to those things.

And it’s been my experience that when I accept reality, instead of trying to fight against reality, which is a fight you will lose. 100 percent of the time, it actually lowers my stress level. So case in point five years ago, when I would get stuck in traffic, I would get very flustered and frustrated. Now, when I get stuck in traffic, I just accept that’s the way the world’s unfolding today.

And I’m going to choose a response that’s low stress and move forward.

L. Scott Ferguson: Love it, man. That’s where I kind of throw in a John Gordon book or something, bro. Something that’s just kind of, you can pick up and listen to, it’s just going to kind of ease you, ease you through. And , it’s, it’s great that you, , said that because.

, we’ve said before, and I’ve said quite a bit is, , so many people have a foot in the future, a foot in the past, and they piss all over the present, right? And so a lot of my clients that I’m lucky and blessed to have here in Palm Beach, , I go out to their car with them. And I like to, when I want to see how they keep their car, because I can tell a little bit about a person about how they [00:10:00] do keep their car.

And secondly, , I put them in the driver’s seat and see, it’d be like that rear view mirror right there, man, it’s small for a reason. , because that’s that’s your past. That’s a great place to visit and learn from, but let’s not live there. Windshield’s big and scary, right? Stress, , it’s there, but you can’t go anywhere.

Like you were saying, alluding to being in the present until you buckle your seatbelt, if you choose to hit the ignition, put it in gear and go. And ever since 2011, every single one of these cars has this really cool thing called a GPS on. Right. And that’s where the coach myself comes in is I’ll help you get there, but you got to do the work and take the action and be able to respond and not react to everything.

Cause the reaction, I think sitting in stress is reaction versus really responding to it. I love it. That’s beautiful. I want to

Alan Stein Jr.: unpack that concept. I love that idea of looking back and looking forward. So here’s the way that I choose to approach it. I do think it is important to learn from the past. And I do think it is important to prepare for the future.

I just don’t live in either one of those spaces. I [00:11:00] choose to spend the vast majority of my time, focus and energy in the present moment. Now looking at the past, it’s important for folks to know you cannot change the facts of the past or the events of the past. But you can change your relationship to them.

, there have been things in the past that have happened that at the time I thought was the worst thing that ever happened to me until you fast forward over time. And now I look back and go, man, that was the best thing that ever happened to me because it put me on a new course or put me on a new path.

So you can change your relationship to what happened in the past. You can take a trauma that you had when you were younger. And even though you can’t change the events of it, You can change the power that that may have had over you or your relationship to that trauma and use it to make your life better in the present.

Now, when we look at the future, it’s so important for folks to realize that the future doesn’t really exist. I mean, the future only exists in our mind and in language, like you can never be in the [00:12:00] future. , when you get to the future, it’s now the present, like you can’t be in the future. So at best, the future is always hypothetical.

It’s just a guess. I mean, , you and I are fairly intelligent people and neither one of us can predict with great accuracy. What tomorrow is going to look like. Exactly. Or the next day or the next day. So the future is always hypothetical. So if the future is hypothetical, why not tell yourself a better story?

Why assume that things aren’t going to work out or that something’s not going to be in your best interest. You’re just making that up. That’s just a story you’re telling yourself. So part of the journey I’m on right now is I’m trying to tell myself that everything is going to work out in my favor. And if it doesn’t.

I’ll address it in the present moment, but there’s no sense in telling myself before I even shoot that I’m gonna miss, why not tell myself I’m gonna make it. And then if I miss, I’ll worry about that when it happens.

L. Scott Ferguson: Love it. Yeah, it’s just living in the present, man. [00:13:00] It’s taken because of What I did in the military, just moving through life, I would always project forward with a fear instead of, , being excited about it.

And it’s taken me till I was in my forties. I’m 51 now, but it took me until I was in my forties to really understand that the future is like you said, hypothetical, that’s beautiful, man. So you can talk a lot about the performance gap, man. And I’m just really curious. What’s your proudest moment of your life?

It’s been filling a performance

Alan Stein Jr.: gap. So for context, for those that aren’t familiar with the term or performance gap is the gap between what we know and what we do. So we all know there are certain things and behaviors and skill sets and mindsets and attitudes we should have. And then many times there’s a gap between knowing that and what we actually do.

And, and having a performance gap, it means you’re human. Just like all of us. I mean, this is stuff that I teach and preach from page and [00:14:00] stage, and I still have performance gaps. I’m not executing every single detail that I intellectually know. Now, I’ve narrowed so many performance gaps, and I’ve gotten better in so many different areas, and I’m very proud of that progress.

But even someone that teaches this for a living, I have the humility to acknowledge that I still have performance gaps and, and that’s okay. And to be honest, I’m going to have them for the rest of my life. Like there will always be a little bit of daylight between the man that I am and the man that I’m trying to become.

And I am totally fine with that. I don’t. I don’t ever want to arrive. I don’t ever want to reach that mountaintop. I love the pursuit. I love trying to get better in these different areas. And, and what’s interesting is that performance gaps can be somewhat compartmentalized. So for me, as an example, I’ve always identified as being an athlete and working out physical fitness, eating healthy has always come rather fluid to me personally.

Like it’s, it’s just part of [00:15:00] my makeup and that’s by design, but there are other areas of my life, like financially where that was not the case, currently I’ve course corrected, but if you look at some of the financial decisions that I made in my twenties, I made some really poor ones. I did not have the same type of discipline.

In my financial life that I had in my physical fitness life, I had massive performance gaps. Now, none of it was from lack of knowledge. I knew that I shouldn’t be saving money and investing money and, and, and, but I just wasn’t doing any of those things the same. Someone listening to this knows they should work out knows they should eat healthy, but maybe they aren’t.

So I don’t say any of that with an ounce of judgment because I’ve been there. I have had performance gaps that you could literally drive a tractor trailer through. Thankfully, you I’ve course corrected and I make much better financial decisions today than I did 20 years ago. And I’m in a much better position financially today than I was 20 years ago, but it took a lot of work.

So wherever someone [00:16:00] might be experiencing a performance gap, just know that it’s never too late to start changing that gap and to give yourself some grace and some compassion and self love and don’t beat yourself up. With, with shame and guilt being self critical, we all have different areas of our life that we struggle, and we all have different areas of our life where we excel, and that is part of the human condition.

L. Scott Ferguson: I love that you give yourself, well, you, you say it quite a bit, grace and space, right? Space to grow and forgiveness of yourself. Cause that’s the, I was right there with you, brother. I got, , a letter from the IRS in 2009 when the market just went poopy, , that sent me back for a while.

And a lot of times I find that, , I can feel a lot of the performance gaps by. Including the correct people in that part of my life, because I mean, I’m a great, , broker. I’m a, I feel I’m a good coach and a budding speaker, but when it comes to finances, I can have somebody else that I trust.

Maybe handle part of that performance gap where it’s missing [00:17:00] as well. And like you say, a lot of times building the right tribe, the right team around you is the way to go, man.

Alan Stein Jr.: If I, if I can share, I’m having a moment of vulnerability and I want to share something about this, giving yourself some grace and some, some space.

So a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I routed dinner with a couple of other couples and we’re having this conversation and, and somebody’s name came up that we both knew. And. I said some less than flattering things about this person. I said some things that that were a little disparaging. I mean, it wasn’t anything grotesque, but I didn’t I didn’t speak of them in a very good light.

And, , the rest of the conversation just kind of went on. And later that night. I just felt kind of icky. I felt kind of bad. I felt bad that I said something behind someone’s back that in all honesty, I would not have said to their face. And it really was an unsettling feeling. And, and it’s because that’s not the type of person I want to be.

, I’m allowed to have my opinions of other people. I’m allowed to think what I want to think. [00:18:00] But according to my own core values, I do not want to be the type of person that talks behind someone’s back and says something behind their back that I wouldn’t say to their face. So, , I actually texted my friend later that night and said, Hey, man, I want to own up to the fact that I said something kind of disparaging about someone we both know.

And that’s just not a good look. I was not my best self in that moment, and I just want to apologize to you. And even though that person will never know that I said it, , I feel bad about that. And, and, and he was, he didn’t even think twice about it. But I felt a little bit better having made somewhat of an amends for that.

But the most important part was. I acknowledge that I did something that was not my best self. I owned it. I did my best to make amends. And now that’s going to sit with me. I’m going to really use that moving forward. And, and while I’m sure I will still say or do something boneheaded at some point, like I learned a lesson from that.

And that is not the type of person that I want to be. So it would not have helped. For me to incessantly, , scrutinize or criticize [00:19:00] myself for that or add shame or guilt. To be honest, I haven’t thought about it since the day it happened. It just popped in my mind and I wanted to share, but that’s part of the process.

We are always going to do things that aren’t our business. Our best selves and that’s okay. Give yourself space to do that, but then also have that same compassion for others, ? And yeah, so for me, I try to live a life based on principles, based on core values, based on standards. Not a life based on feelings and emotions.

So for me, it was a, it was a powerful lesson

L. Scott Ferguson: learned. No, I appreciate you really acknowledging that it wasn’t about me. It was, I’m kidding, but no, but , it’s funny. Cause I used to kind of go down that road because to me, it was never about collaboration is about competition. And my mentor pulled me aside and said, listen, dude, , Fergie, listen, , great minds talk about ideas, mediocre minds talk about events.

Simple minds talk about other people and generally when they’re not there. What I’m saying? So I, I catch myself and I [00:20:00] have a bad habit of calling people out when they do it. And luckily I’m kind of 6’1 240 and I can get away with a few things that I’m saying to people like, dude, they’re not here.

Shut your mouth, , and then I got, I got to get better at that. Let people have their opinion without expressing mind, , about something, .

Alan Stein Jr.: Well, also, and what I have to remember, there’s two other threads I want to pull on. One, let’s just say in a hypothetical. It’s you, me and several other people out and somebody’s name comes up, even if other people are choosing to say something, maybe less than flattering about that person.

I don’t control what they do. I just control what I do. And just because other people are piling it on. It doesn’t mean that I have to. So I don’t need to feel like, Hey, I have to be one of the cool kids. So I’m going to continue to gossip as well. So for me, it’s, it’s, It’s I’m in control of what I say, and I want to be much more disciplined with that.

And that’s important. The other thing is, it also gives me compassion and another hypothetical. Let’s just say that right now you [00:21:00] say, , Hey, Alan, I was talking to so and so the other day, and he said something, , about you kind of messed up. Okay. Well, I’m going to give him the grace that he may have made a mistake the same way that I made a mistake.

 That he may have said something behind my back that was less than flattering. And one, he has the right to think that. And two, he has the right to say it, but maybe he had a moment where he wasn’t his best self the same way I did. So I’m not going to get all bent out of shape if I hear someone says something about me that’s, that’s a little disparaging.

One, they’re allowed to think that. Two, Maybe they shouldn’t have said it, but that’s all of them. That’s part of their journey. So for me, I’m just trying to, to lean into progress, not get stifled by perfection and live my life according to these values. And, and, , I know it sounds like I’m making a big deal out of something that literally was very trivial and lasted maybe 15 seconds, but to me, the fact that I felt icky later that night is an alarm bell that that is.

Not the [00:22:00] type of person I want to be. And that’s

L. Scott Ferguson: leaning into progress, bro. What I’m saying? It’s like, I… You do pretty well on social. , social media and stuff like that. And like, my… Part of me is like, I’m always saying I’ve made two New Year’s resolutions ever since 2009 when I kind of lost everything and moved forward.

One, make someone smile every day. And two, unless I’ve hurt you. Disrespect you judge you owe you. I don’t care what you think about me, but I’m also have that fear about the, , my coaches like Fergie or you’re rocking stages like I don’t put my sizzle reels out anywhere. Nothing I mean I unless it’s a professional organization so that’s my next step of not really caring about what people think in a sense and being judged because there is a part of me that I’m leaning into to get better and like you and I can agree on inch by inch.

By the yard, it’s hard. So it’s gotta be baby steps. , for myself, but as we move into avoiding stagnation. Or what you, I believe you called it pivot and avoiding stagnation, , , stagnation, you wrote, , is not an issue of where you are, but rather [00:23:00] about how you feel where you are.

Hopefully I got that right. Right. And then the habits can, if you consistently do them become identity and that balance is kind of junk where harmony is. kind of harmonizing your life a little bit better to get through it. So can you unpack what your thoughts are? I guess with, when it comes to burnout, cause you’ve seen burnout at the highest level, , when it comes to sports, bro, what I’m saying?

And maybe share a story of how maybe you saw it, whether yourself or somebody else and how you helped them get through it with, with regards to burnout. Cause that’s where people, they, they hit that wall. ,

Alan Stein Jr.: let’s address stagnation for most people when they feel stagnant or they feel like they’re plateauing, they’re talking about their outputs.

They’re talking about their productivity or their achievements like they started the flatline in their results. And that’s never a good feeling for any of us. But it’s been my experience that our inputs. Directly correlate to our outputs. So for me, anytime I feel like my [00:24:00] outputs are starting to stagnate, the very first thing I do is shake up my inputs and my primary inputs are what I’m reading, watching and listening to and the people that I’m spending the most time with.

So I start to change and switch up what I’m reading, watching and listening to, , if you keep reading, watching and listening to the same thing. Then you’re gonna keep putting out the same thing. , if you’re constantly subjecting yourself to new information, new ideas, new thoughts, creative and innovative concepts and frameworks, , equally important.

I choose to read, watch and listen to stuff that opposes my current viewpoint. Like I subject myself to people that have beliefs that are very different than mine. And that’s okay. I still listen with an open mind and an open heart doesn’t mean I agree with them. And it doesn’t necessarily mean I change my point of view.

It just means I’m open to hearing varying perspectives and approaches. And anytime I can shake up what I’m reading, watching and listening to, or who I’m investing my time with inevitably, it starts to [00:25:00] spark and jumpstart better results. And I break through some of that stagnation and plateauing and, and ultimately.

As you said, it’s, it’s not, , where you are, it’s how you feel about where you are. See, I don’t really worry about where I am at the moment. I focus more on making sure I’m going in the right direction. And as long as my arrow is pointed forward or pointed up, whichever word you want to use, then I feel good about making progress.

, I feel good about knowing. I’m a slightly better version of myself today than I was a year ago, or five years ago, or 10 years ago. And I choose to get much more inspired by that forward momentum and progress, then get stifled by a lack of perfection, because I’m certainly far from perfect. So for me, it’s all about making that progress and even systematic incremental progress.

By definition means you aren’t stagnating. I mean, you are getting better now. It might be inch by inch. Like you said, you were still getting better. And, and, and I think it’s important to take notice of that.

L. Scott Ferguson: I love it. [00:26:00] So let me ask you something like our good buddy, , at, at my lab, , he says you have your two mentals and things you have your mental and then your environmental, how guarded are you?

With your environment and how in, in, I want people to know what someone like you’d like squad. Alan’s on the road a lot. He’s again, he’s a father to three fantastic children. They’re went into dance boxing. I mean, across the plethora of things, like, how do you keep your environment? You’d like a better term stable, , something to where, , you’re consistently again, leaning into progress.

Alan Stein Jr.: When it comes to performance, environment is everything. And we have our physical environment, like the way you choose to set up your office or set up, , your, what’s on your your laptop or, or in your hotel room. But we also have our relational environment, the people we choose to hang out with.

We have our mental and emotional environments, what we’re reading, watching and listening to and subjecting ourselves to. And I think. If you were [00:27:00] to ask me for a series of words that I would use to describe myself, and then certainly words that I would hope those that know me best would use to describe me.

I think one of those words would be intentional. I am very intentional about most things in my life. I don’t leave most things up to chance. Now, with that, the downside is, I love structure. I love routine. I am very predictable. I mean, I can become borderline robotic with my systems and processes. So I’m not saying it’s the best way.

It’s a way that gives me comfort, but I’m very intentional about my environment. And, , for me in most areas of my life I identify as being somewhat of a minimalist. I mean, even if you were to walk around my apartment right now, I mean, it looks like I moved in two days ago. And that’s not the case.

Like I have very few possessions by choice. In fact, most of the quote unquote clutter in my entire where you’re at is behind me to add some visual visual aesthetics to those watching [00:28:00] on video. But, but yeah, for me. I try to keep things very simple. Hence the reason I’ve got a neon sign that says success simplified.

, I, I believe complexity undermines execution. So for me having a minimalist environment, only things that are required, only things that are necessary, only things that are meaningful only things that are in alignment. With what I’m trying to do is they’re in alignment with my systems and processes.

That’s really the only stuff that I have, like even my refrigerator, like I go to Whole Foods every two or three days and I buy enough food to eat for two or three days. So if you catch me on the third day and you look at my refrigerator, there’s literally nothing in there because I have to go shopping again.

And, but that’s my preference. Once again, I’m not saying. Everyone’s refrigerator should look like mine. Everyone should work through whatever operating system works best for them. But for me, my environment, I am so intentional about being somewhat minimalistic in everything I do. But that’s what

L. Scott Ferguson: works for me.

I love [00:29:00] it. I love it. See, I am, but Susan’s not, Susan loves to have stuff everywhere. Me, I have my office, my man cave, whatnot. And, and, but we, we work it out together. And that’s, that’s one thing, , it’s that I love that woman for, but, , so like, so your systems and processes you’re on the road, probably 30 weeks a year, sometimes, , with, with, with your speaking, if not more.

So. Like, how does that change to avoid burnout and and or stagnation to like when you’re traveling? Do you have a process like because you are very like myself, very routine oriented, especially by beginning my day, I’m getting better at the end of my day. I’m working through your 321 that you’ve given us for my end of day, but , for your processes on your road, if anybody that’s out there that’s budding speaker, maybe you could pay it forward a little bit or send the elevator down and what you’re doing to still look the way you do the energy that you do while you’re on the road this much.

Alan Stein Jr.: [00:30:00] Well, for me, yes, I absolutely systems and processes are what gives me comfort. I love routine and I love structure. So. I make sure that I can quickly figure out what things I have control over and what things I don’t. So, for example, I live here in the Washington, D. C. area. We have three primary airports.

We have we have Reagan National in D. C. We have BWI and we have Dulles. All of which are about the same distance from my place. I choose to fly Southwest because I’m loyal to that brand. They have plenty of flights. They’re low cost. They’re easy. I’m not big on flight status. Easy for me. BWI is a hub for Southwest.

So as far as my routines and systems, I fly Southwest 90 percent of the time. So I’m very comfortable with their boarding process with with with everything that you need to do for Southwest. I fly out of BWI 90 percent of the time I park in the exact same general area of the same parking garage every single time.

The [00:31:00] reason I do that is sometimes I’ll go on a three city speaking. Tour, if you will. And I’ll come back and I’ll land at midnight a week later. I don’t want to try and remember where I parked my car. So I know it’s always in the same place. That gives me some mental and emotional comfort and security.

And I know it sounds, a little bit OCD, but that’s, that works for me. Then when I, when I’m traveling, I know what things I have control over and what things I don’t, so for me, I usually pack a series of healthy snacks in my backpack. Because I don’t know if there’s going to be healthy food at the airport or where I’m going.

So I’ve got those as backups, , I’m in control of like the hotel room when it’s time to sleep. And I can use the blackout curtains and I can put a little piece of tape over that little red light that’s on the TV or on the air conditioner. Like I can, I can assimilate my environment. So that it’s as comfortable as it can be to my process and routine.

And I try to mimic what I do at home. And same thing [00:32:00] from a fitness standpoint. I mean, I stay in a variety of different hotels. Some of them have really nice gyms. Some of them not so much, but because that’s my background. I can get in a great workout. Even if there’s no equipment, I can do a series of body weight exercises and still get a good workout.

So I’m not really worried about whether or not it’s an elite fitness center. I have this example. I have the expertise to still make sure I can do something and my pre speaking routine. Doesn’t really waver. It doesn’t matter what time zone I’m in, what group I’m speaking to or what hotel chain I’m staying at.

I have a very regimented pre speaking routine, the same way an athlete would have a pre game

L. Scott Ferguson: routine. I, I, you actually have… Showed some of that in your social, which actually a couple of things that you’ve did, I actually implemented into my game, , which is awesome. A couple of things I implemented into my traveling is one, I tried to find a jujitsu academy somewhere near that.

If they have it, great. If not, like you said, the, the prison workout works just fine. And also, I also find a like a like a, [00:33:00] I’m big on rescuing dogs, a huge. So I try to find a local. Rescue that during my downtime, I can get my mind off travel, do some productive volunteer my time, but I’ll say that I’m doing it on behalf of the people that I’m speaking for, right?

So if I’m speaking for Omni, I’m like, Hey, , I’m speaking for Omni right now. I have some time to kill. So I’m pumping the company up while I’m pushing forward. And that just kind of keeps things new for me. If I can find that Jiu Jitsu Academy and find someplace I can volunteer for it, it takes away for myself.

The monotony of the travel and stuff. I love it. So as , I got you about for another 20 minutes or so. So let’s get into the, the beating the burnout. Okay. That you talked to, and you said that a burnout is a long term effect of misalignment. Your activities do not match your values. That’s hit me hard.

 What I’m saying? Because you’ll start to add things in to your protocol that really are not matching your values. And then is that kind of what. which can make you tired, burnt out. Is that kind of where [00:34:00] you were going with that a little bit?

Alan Stein Jr.: Alan? Yeah, most people when they hear burnout, they think of kind of mental and physical exhaustion, kind of burning the candle at both ends, working a ton of hours, and that absolutely can lead to physiological burnout.

But most psychological burnout stems from exactly what you just said. Misalignment. So you have the work that you’re doing and then you have the sacrifices and the commitment and the hours that you’re putting in. And if those two things aren’t congruent, that’s when you have an issue. , if you start to lose connection with the purpose behind the work that you do, if you no longer find enjoyment in the work you do, if you no longer find curiosity or fascination in the work that you do, then working 18 hour days You’re going to have an issue.

Now, if you still feel very deeply connected, you’re fascinated by your work, you enjoy your work. I’m not encouraging people to work 18 hours a day, but you can certainly do that and not be at risk at burnout. If you still feel very connected to why you do what you [00:35:00] do. And, and to me, That’s when the red flag goes off.

When you’re working long hours are putting in a tremendous amount of effort, and you’re just thinking, what is this for? I don’t even like this anymore. That’s what causes burnout. So that’s when you have to start tweaking, , either side of that equation. And for me, the best way to do that is to try to reconnect to a purpose or reconnect to enjoyment or reconnect the fascination.

, and that was part of my personal journey. I mean, when I started to get burned out in the basketball training space, started asking myself all of those same questions. After plenty of internal reflection and introspection, I decided that the best thing for me was to pivot out of that space and to pursue a, a speaking career, because that’s what I was curious, curious about and fascinated by.

That’s what I enjoyed doing. And that’s something that I found a greater purpose in at that time in my life.

L. Scott Ferguson: That’s was ballsy. I think about you a lot with that because again, squad out there, like he was working with names is, , Kevin Durant, Steph Curry [00:36:00] in, in the list is, is long and distinguished.

And I’m like, man, he’s stepping away from this. Cause I know you were, you’ve got them in their younger days during their moldable times and whatnot, very impressionable times and for you to step out of that, it was like. I, I didn’t see why you did it in a sense at first, but then I’m like saying, wow, like he’s out there touching even more, , people when you’re on the stage and I started getting that and I’m starting to get it a little bit more as I get out there.

So this is a huge kudos to you for doing that, bro. Cause that is a very, very ballsy move what you did, because you were probably doing pretty good where you were, but then getting to the point now it’s, it, man, that’s just, it, it’s super ballsy. So with. How about enjoying the, the growth part, not just the gains, , what, , what I could go on and on about that.

I tell man, I did like a 30 minute knowledge nugget podcast. It was only supposed to be seven minutes about enjoying the [00:37:00] journey. Right. But like, I want to get your take on really the process and the journey and really enjoying that and really finding the joy in that.

Alan Stein Jr.: I find that if you’re tethered to results and you’re tethered to outcomes, and that’s the only joy that you get.

Life becomes very inconsistent. Life is going to ebb and flow. For me, it’s about enjoying, and I know it sounds so cliché, it sounds almost hokey and corny, but it’s enjoying the journey. It’s enjoying the process. It’s enjoying the pursuit. It’s enjoying the work. See, I found that… One of the keys to lasting fulfillment is just loving the work, and if you can learn to love the work that you’ve already won in advance, like whatever happens during the quote unquote game is almost irrelevant because you love to practice.

You love to work out. Same thing for me from a speaking standpoint, like, yes, I love being on stage and nothing fills my bucket more than sharing with an engaged audience and watching them smile or watching them nod their [00:38:00] head or. Watching them look down to write down a note of something that I said, like it’s the best feeling in the world, but that’s not the only part that I love.

Like I love the craft. I love the work. I love the due diligence in the rehearsal and getting ready for those things. So I love the work so much that when I step on stage, that’s just the cherry on top. Like that’s, , my happiness and fulfillment in my vocation does not hinge on whether or not I get a standing ovation.

It’s nice to get one and it feels good. Yeah, I’d lie if I said I don’t like the validation, but it’s not required and I don’t need it. So if you can learn to love the work, this is a conversation I have with my kids all the time. If you only like playing basketball games, this isn’t going to be very long term for you.

You got to love the practices. You got to love the workouts. You got to love the film sessions. You got to love getting in the weight room. When you can learn to love all of the process, then yeah, the game just becomes a reward for all of the work that you’ve done.

L. Scott Ferguson: I love that you [00:39:00] share it in your book as well.

Part of that process, that growth part is watching comedians, , watching people with their presentations, , how they, the eye contact, like what you say, you try to focus on those three or four people out there that are locked into you. That kind of builds that confidence in a sense while you’re up there, man.

So, , What is your definition then, Alan, of a life well lived?

Alan Stein Jr.: It’s living in alignment with your core values. It’s staying connected to a purpose greater than yourself. It’s doing things you enjoy with people you enjoy. , it’s kind of a culmination of all of those things. I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s…

deciding what winning or success looks like to you. Don’t let it, don’t let anyone else define that for you. And then enjoying the pursuit of that, whatever that may be. I mean, it’s easy to fall victim to saying success means Having a certain amount in your bank account success means living in a certain house success means having a certain number of followers,[00:40:00] , and for some people that can be their definition of success.

There’s no judgment for me. It doesn’t that doesn’t matter to me. But what’s most important is there’s not just one definition of success, at least in my framework, I think everyone needs to decide for themselves, what would I consider a life well lived. And do I enjoy the pursuit of that, the process of that.

And for me, a helpful exercise is fast forwarding and saying, okay, let’s just imagine I’m 95 years old. I’m I’m on the last, , little bit of my life, looking back, what would I have considered a life? Well lived like when you’re 95, what things do you

L. Scott Ferguson: think that’s like my last question to you,

Alan Stein Jr.: bro?

Yeah, well, I think that’s a really Is to be able to look backwards, , because when you’re in your 20s and even your 30s. You don’t necessarily have that length of time as perspective, but , I’m, I’m knocking on the door of 50. I’ll be 48 in January. So I’m, I’m approaching what I consider to be the halftime of my life, right?[00:41:00]

I want to make sure that, that I’ve lived a great first half, but I want to take all of the lessons that I’ve learned in this first half and apply them to the second half because I want my next 50 to be way better than my first

L. Scott Ferguson: 50. I love it. I love it. Like people will ask me, , what, what is your definition of success when I, I honestly believe it’s living a life of options and not obligations, really doing what you love in the service of people that love what you do, , that’s in getting frigging paid for it.

Like you said, that’s nice. Getting the standing ovations. Beautiful. Fantastic. But , that, that’s something I was going with you. Let’s do this quickly. Three things that Alan can’t live without. Let’s take out family, food, water, what’s three kind of, and they can be materialistic. I don’t care. So three things that you’re really locked into that you really feel like, of course you can live without a man, but that you feel that.

Alan Stein Jr.: ,

metaphorically you can. Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, you said we’re taking family off the table. So obviously that that would be a major pivotal one. I mean, I can’t [00:42:00] live without and I’m going to say a stage in air quotes. Like, I can’t live without a vehicle for sharing with others. So whether that’s social media, whether that’s a podcast like this, whether that’s an actual stage, whether that’s a new book, like, Hey, It lights my candle to be able to share things that I’ve learned and share things that I’m passionate about with others.

So I need some type of vehicle to share similarly, I need some type of vehicle to connect with others. Now what a lot of people don’t know about me is I identify as being heavily introverted. Like I love people. I love being around people. But it drains my battery. So I love alone time. I love solitude.

I love being by myself. So for me, as much as I do love connecting, I can’t live without. Some portions of solitude, some portions of alone time. It is how I recharge my battery so that I can pour into others. And, , my girlfriend knows that about me. My children know that about me, Michelle, my manager, my brother, they all know that about me.

[00:43:00] And they know that when I choose to have solitude, it’s not because I don’t love them. It’s because I need time to recharge my battery. So that I can love them to the, to the best of my ability. So I need to have some time for solitude. And a third this is going to sound almost insane coming from a motivational speaker, but I need my, I’ll just call it Netflix.

And the reason being there’s a couple of reasons. One, I am so fascinated by. Cinematography by directing by acting by writing. So when I binge a show, , I just recently watched all eight episodes, all seasons of suits. I don’t just watch it for my own entertainment. I watch it because I love the craft.

I’m so curious. , to how that whole thing gets put together. I have so much admiration and respect for directors and actors and costume designers and the people that write the score, like it’s the ultimate team sport. So I actually spend more time watching shows than your [00:44:00] traditional motivational speakers, , cause they all tell you, , you should be climbing a mountain backwards or you should be doing jumping jack.

No, there’s nothing wrong with sitting down and doing something that, that intellectually stimulates you and for me, Netflix allows me to turn off my brain and it allows me to do something that I’m very intellectually curious about. So I will say those three things. And I know that sounds weird saying I don’t want to live without Netflix, but that’s the reason behind it.

L. Scott Ferguson: Love it. I love it. And I’m same way. I kind of affectionately call it like, , dumb my day down at the end I do give myself some time and suits is a fantastic show Yeah It was there’s a lot of fun, especially a Harvey meant like so good times man. So last question brother 65 year old Alan still thinking the same way as he did back in in episode 264

Alan Stein Jr.: So my present outlook is very similar to what I shared then [00:45:00] as far as that framework, but the cool thing is I had the humility to acknowledge that the 65 year old Alan will be way wiser than the current version of Alan and that’s okay.

The current version of Alan is way wiser than the 25 year old version of Alan. That’s the, that’s the natural unfolding process. That’s the way that it should be. So I’m excited to see what the, the 55 and then 65 year old version of Alan is doing at the time, thinking at the time. I know that there are current.

Operating systems, beliefs and habits that I have right now at this day that I will not have 20 years from now because I will have grow. I will have evolved. I will have untethered from things and that is okay. I am great with that process. I love that pursuit. I look forward to meeting the 65 year old version of myself.

So yeah, I would say in that regard, not much has changed to my approach. But I will be a definitely be a different man then that’s

L. Scott Ferguson: awesome. They always evolving, always progressing. That’s absolutely beautiful. And Alan, [00:46:00] how can we find your brother?

Alan Stein Jr.: You can go to alensteinjr. com. If anybody listening, if you think my message would be right for an event or for your company or organization, you can fill out the contact form at alensteinjr.

com. My team and I will get back to you quickly. I’m very accessible and responsive on social media. At Allen Stein Jr on Instagram and Twitter or just Allen Stein Jr on on LinkedIn. Feel free to send a DM if you’ve got any questions or thoughts you want to share. I’m good about getting back with folks.

You can buy raise your game or sustain your game on Amazon or audible or wherever you get your books or

L. Scott Ferguson: audio books. First three people that put success simplified, and I don’t care if it’s Pinterest, I don’t care if you text it to 561 440 3830 Instagram, anywhere where you see time to shine today, and you see this, please put it in there and I’ll make sure that the book gets mailed out to you and Alan, do me one last solid.

A quickly leave us with one last knowledge nugget we can take with us internalize and take action on

Alan Stein Jr.: one last knowledge nugget to [00:47:00] internalize or take action. , I don’t remember exactly what I shared in episode 2 64. So hopefully it’s not redundant. If it is. Just remember, repetition is not punishment.

Repetition is the oldest and most effective form of learning on the planet. So if you want to get good at anything, the key is repetition. But here’s the thing I’ll leave you with. I want you to get crystal clear on the things that fill your bucket and light you up. , whether it’s taking a Peloton class or pulling out your yoga mat or taking your dog for a walk.

I also want you to get crystal clear on what your current morning and evening routine looks like. And then I want you to compare the two sets of notes and see if you’re doing the things on the bookends of your day that , fill your bucket. And if the answer is no, you’re not. Then I encourage you and empower you and support you in making that change.

Even if you just take 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night to do something you enjoy doing and fills your bucket, it will increase your optimism, it will increase your performance, and it will increase your productivity. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to those around you to make that investment.

L. Scott Ferguson: [00:48:00] Awesome, man. I think, man, we, Scott, we just had another, again, free masterclass with my friend here, Allen Stein, that, , the superpowers that he generally cares about people. He’s a, he’s very, very curious man. , he wants you to, at times, recalibrate and check in with yourself. , he reminds us that not very much stress is actually in the present moment.

It’s either projected forward or pulled from the past. , learn, like, change your relationship with the past. You can do that with the help. Sometimes you need a coach or a therapist or whatnot, but you can actually do that and maybe that coach or therapist can help you pull those lessons forward.

, he reminds us that the future is hypothetical, , why not tell yourself a better story? The performance gap is what we know and what we do. It’s kind of the it’s the daylight or that little space between what we know and what we do. And who you become. He wants you to lean into your progress.

Remember, inch by inch, it’s a cinch squad. By the yard, it’s hard. It can be beaten very, very slowly as long as you’re progressing. Allen wants us to level up our inputs. What we are subjecting ourselves to. [00:49:00] That will help us with stagnation. Sometimes, , we just need to change one thing. can really get us past that, that stagnation.

, he reminds us that complexity undermines execution. Systems and processes can give you the comfort to really help you with that routine and really blast forward. , if you’re only tethered to the outcomes in life, you will become inconsistent. Okay. Then the, the keys to lasting fulfillment isn’t really loving your work.

I mean, my guy, Alan is planting trees. He’s never going to sit in the shade of, , he does things for the intention, which he mentions a lot in his book, not the attention. He’s going to get the attention because he’s so fricking intentional, , repetition is not punishment. It’ll help you get to where you.

Really want to go and be crystal clear on what your current routine looks like, Your book ends of your day are super impactful and people that know me that i’m an open, Book about is my nighttime routine. I’m still struggling with but it’s getting better inch by inch and alan Thank you so much for coming on.

You’ve earned your second varsity letter here at time to shine today Thank you. So, , you’re [00:50:00] humble. You’re hungry. You’re a handsome dude You rock the stage and I seriously can’t wait to collaborate with you in the future brother Thanks,

Alan Stein Jr.: man. This was so much fun. I look forward to seeing you very soon, bud.

Awesome.

L. Scott Ferguson: Chat soon.

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