Again, it’s a little bit off track from what I usually interview, so I guess you can just kind of call it a breath of fresh air. So. You might wanna [00:01:00] break out your notebooks ’cause some, if anybody that might be kind of going through grief or dealing with a loss there might be some really good knowledge nuggets here to pass on to them.

So, without further ado, here’s my really good friend Vicki Paris Goodman, let’s level up.

Time to Shine today. Podcast Varsity Squad. This is Scott Ferguson and I just had a really fun off. , camera off mic conversation, getting to know my new good friend Vicki Paris Goodman. And she is the author of Two Sam with Love, A Surviving Spouses Story of Inspired Grief, which hang around to the end.

There’s some serious life building knowledge nuggets in this book, and I’m gonna do a put two book giveaway and. My friend Vicki kinda grew up around the kind of the Hollywood hotbed, so I’m sure she has some really good stories that we might get to, we might not, but she’s also a retired mechanical engineer.

She sings and plays violin semi-professionally and for over 20 years. She served a [00:02:00] Long Beach, California area newspaper as a theater critic. She’s currently writing her second book Speed Bumps and other Impediments to Life in the Fast Lane. A slightly self-deprecating treat ice. I’m gonna birch of that word on the trials of a life of a type A personality.

And this is gonna be a fun conversation ’cause I like, it’s a little bit different squad than what I do with kind of bringing on coaches, therapists, entrepreneurs. And so it’s kind of like a, I guess you might call it a breath of fresh air out there. So thank you. Thank you so much for coming on. Please introduce yourself to the Time to Shine Today Podcast Varsity Squad.

But first, what’s your favorite color? Why green, green and why Apple green, I just think is the most beautiful color. I just find I’m drawn to it. No particular reason. The granny apple greens, that one. Yeah. Yeah. Those, and they’re good and they’re good pies, but no, they’re, they’re to, it’s like rebirth. And what I feel that you might’ve been going through a little bit through your writings and stuff, and that, that I’ve [00:03:00] read is kind of like a rebirth, and green is kind of like springy, rebirth in what you’ve kind of put out there with the lessons.

Vicki Paris Goodman: My favorite color has been green since childhood, so that’s excellent. It hasn’t changed. Let’s swipe along with our message though, which is fantastic. So let’s get a little bit kind of to your roots. , Kind of like, kind of growing up and, , again, kind of living close to that Hollywood lifestyle and , like any of that kind of like push you in a way here or there.

L. Scott Ferguson: And then we’re gonna really, really, really dig into the book.

Vicki Paris Goodman: It really didn’t push me anywhere that I’m aware of, and I’m pretty self-aware. But, , we had , we had actors who lived in our neighborhood, a a couple of them. And there I, there was one in my high school class, , we had Barry Livingston who played, this is going way back to a show called My Three Sons, right.

Which. A lot of your audience will say what , but yeah, there were two brothers on that show, Barry and Stanley Livingston and Barry played Ernie and he was in my class. Oh wow. [00:04:00]

L. Scott Ferguson: Were you kind of friendly with him or, I.

Vicki Paris Goodman: No, he was very shy, believe it or not. Isn’t that crazy? He’d hung out with one.

There was one girl who he befriended her name was Shelly and , they went to the prom together, but they were just friends and he was so shy. He wore glasses and he had hair that covered up most of his face and not what you would expect.

L. Scott Ferguson: And it’s crazy of a child actor. I’m blessed to coach an actress that she’s been on the cover of People Magazine 12 or six times.

And it’s so funny that. If you saw her on screen, you’d be like, she’s the most boisterous. Right. But they’re really, she’s not an introvert, but she’s really to herself and, and even with me, who she opens up to, which is just kind of different than what you see. Everyone expects to meet somebody like they see on screen and stuff like that.

Right. But it’s not exactly right. So let’s get to. Some stories a little bit maybe about Sam. Okay. That really stand out to you. Some really good memories. Maybe some challenges you guys have went through, but also what [00:05:00] precipitated the writing of this fantastic book.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah. Sam was a wonderful man. He really was.

He everybody. Loved him. And I, I think the word is decency. There was a decency about Sam and he was a very funny man. He loved the old style radio comedy. He was born in the, in the mid 1940s. Okay. And yeah. And so he used to, as a kid, listen to radio comedy , Jack Benny and all those people.

Yes. And he, he. He came up with some of his own one-liners, but he used a lot of the one-liners from Jack Benny and , the Honeymooners. And again, we’re getting way back to, what your audience prob probably can’t relate to because. Yeah, but these were these old time and he over and over again would with, without missing a beat, would come up with these one liners in everyday conversation.

And it was always [00:06:00] perfectly timed. His delivery was great. , I find I kind of channel that now. I didn’t when he was alive. Mm-hmm. But now when I hear something in conversation that would’ve precipitated one of Sam’s one liners. It comes right out of me. You let it rip With perfect timing, huh?

What was that? You

L. Scott Ferguson: just let it rip, huh? I know. That’s excellent. That’s beautiful. With

Vicki Paris Goodman: great delivery, which is not me, so I’m thinking he’s channeling this through me, so it’s kind of funny.

L. Scott Ferguson: Is there one of, but is there one of those personal one-liners that really stands out to you that you can just rattle off?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Well, he does this, he did this Jack Benny thing, like, well.

L. Scott Ferguson: Gotcha. Thing is, he was born right around the time my dad is, so he, my dad still, I showed him how to find on YouTube, some old radio, , comedies in, in stories and stuff like that from, that are taken back, , from the archives and he loves it now. So I can [00:07:00] kind of relate a little bit with that.

So, yeah. Yeah. But please keep going a little bit about Sam.

Vicki Paris Goodman: It. Yeah. So he was, he was funny and he was decent and above all, he believed in doing the right thing in every situation. And if you think about it, doing the right thing in every situation is sometimes hard. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a lot to do the right thing.

And I never, in 22 years of marriage, I never saw Sam waver off of doing the right thing. So. Don’t ask me for an example, Scott, because No, you’re fine. Love it. , I can’t think of it, but, but it happened over and over again. Well, I can think of an example actually. Okay. Like, for example, how when you’re meeting another couple in a restaurant and you , if you’re, if you’re there first, you probably take the, the side of the table that has the view or whatever.

Sure. Sam would do just the opposite. Hmm. He would say, let’s sit over here so that they can, , see out the window when they come. Love it. He was just like that, ? Yeah. So he was a really good person and a wonderful [00:08:00] husband. And the the ways in which we kind of got into it for the course of our marriage and , sometimes argued was I’m a type A personality.

In fact, my book Speed Bumps is all about life as a type A personality. And that’s why it’s self-deprecating, because I think as type A we, we sort of. Are ashamed of some of our impatient behavior and such.

L. Scott Ferguson: Me, I’m raising my hand first in line. Absolutely.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Me too. I’m raising my hand. Yeah, so , Sam would say maybe I’d be on the phone with some company with their customer service and I’d be extremely frustrated over some problem.

And when I got off the phone he’d say. Sweetie, you can’t talk to people like that. And I’d snarly say in my frustration, I just did. And he’d say, sweetie, you can’t talk to people like that. And, , it just, it,

L. Scott Ferguson: it had no

Vicki Paris Goodman: effect. How, how many

L. Scott Ferguson: years were you married?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Almost 22. Wow. Yeah, [00:09:00] when he passed, we got married l kind of late in life.

He was almost 50 and I was, I don’t know, 42 I guess. Okay. And yeah. And but we were, we had 22 years together before he passed at age 72 from cancer in 2019.

L. Scott Ferguson: Right. So when do you, and this is kind of getting into the book a little bit, like, kind of like, there’s kind of traditional ways to mourn, right?

That you hear. And from what I get from the book is there’s. You’ve kind of like, for lack of a better term, kind of flipped the script on the traditional ways of mourning, right? So the, the challenges and expectations of grief. You can, you can, can you kind of give me the moment you realize that your journey might be a little bit different?

From what you’ve been told to, to expect, you know what I’m saying? Because a lot of people have been through what you’re going through, what we’re we’re about to go through in 2019. Right. What is different that you’ve really found through your journey that that was different than what people might have told you to expect from this grief?[00:10:00]

Vicki Paris Goodman: It started on the day Sam passed. I was suddenly flooded with optimism. Now I’m losing, I, I’ve lost the love of my life a few hours before, and suddenly I feel like there’s this helping hand coming from somewhere to guide me in a, in a direction that I may not have gone on. On my own and spiritual experiences like that were not a part of my life.

Before that, I was raised very secular and I’d begun to believe in a higher power, only because it didn’t make sense to me any longer that all that we see and experience around us could have just happened on its own.

L. Scott Ferguson: Sure.

Vicki Paris Goodman: But I hadn’t taken that belief very far. And after Sam passed, so this helping hand is coming on.

The day he passes, I’m flooded with optimism. I’m saying, what’s going on? This is unseemly. And my first instinct was to push it away, but then I thought, I. I was so strong during our two year ordeal from diagnosis to Sam’s eventual passing, [00:11:00] and he did really well for at least a year and a half. I, I was so strong during that time and I took such good care of him at the end when he needed taking care of, and I’m not the caregiver type that I thought, , if good things wanna come my way.

I know it’s kind of funny. I’m not the caregiver type, but I thought if good things wanna come my way, even on the day Sam passed, maybe I should let them, and it turned out to be the best decision I could have made. So, so what started to happen then was insights began to come my way. Things that didn’t seem to come from me, especially given how frequent they were and opportunities to do things that I might not have thought to do.

I embraced them and they all turned out perfectly. It was really sort of a divinely inspired experience. , why me, it, if these things were available to me, they must be available to others. [00:12:00] What’s interesting about the book is it’s more my, my very uplifting experience of, of all, of what I’ve been describing and much more, right.

The insights, most of the best ones, the most powerful ones came after I published the book. So therein, three audio episodes that I have online that I make available for free. So it’s sort of a, a toolkit, if you will, the book to. Show people how to move on quickly while, while they’re still missing this person who was so important to them and grieving the loss.

And then the audio episodes that give you, I. The insights that make the loss not terrible. And

L. Scott Ferguson: yeah. And your, is it your voice, right? I’m, I’m gonna say it’s your voice in the audio so they can [00:13:00] actually put a personality, , to in the field. To that. Let me ask you something. Was there a, was there a particular kind of experience or something that you and Sam might have had or a, a sign from Sam, for a lack of a better term, that.

Made you feel guided in this journey. And the reason why I’m asking this, ’cause you mentioned before that he was a funny guy, right? I mean, he’s just like, had that and the minute, like you, you said, I believe you said, quoted, you were flooded with optimism, right? And that sounds to me kind of like Sam, what he would’ve been, not if you were to have passed, but like he was just a person that might have been flooded with optimism.

So is there something that made you feel guided in this grief journey from Sam? I.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Well, I didn’t know at the time whether it was Sam or God. Okay. , I was considering the possibility of both and I, , to this day, I still don’t know. And it’s been five and a half years, right. Yeah, but that, that helping hand that I felt so strongly, which was [00:14:00] really the first spiritual experience that I’m aware of in my entire life, so this was not a usual thing for me and it was guiding me and I chose to let it lead me, and it’s actually something I would recommend to others who lose someone if you feel you’re being guided.

Maybe embrace that and, and let yourself be led. , I’m kind of a control freak being a type A and Yeah. And I don’t let myself be led too often. Right. So this was also very different something or someone was telling me, drop the control, let yourself be led. Wow. Very different from my experience.

L. Scott Ferguson: Right. This it is because you guys were together 22 years. Around that amount of time. It’s like some of that kinda rubs off on you in a sense. Like it just, like, it’s almost like you’re living, like I found it out with my mother, , who I lost in 2019 as well. It’s just this kind of like a, [00:15:00] a, like a part of me that suppressed anything from my mother.

But when she passed, I almost acted out some of the things that I learned from her. In a sense through time, , and, and I’ll see myself saying things or doing things that I never really kind of did before her passing. So it’s just funny. It’s not funny, but it is kind of crazy how like when that loss will activate different, sometimes physiological things that happen to you, your mannerisms and stuff like that, that you never had before.

, it’s almost like that ghost’s the thing. Yeah.

Vicki Paris Goodman: But not only was I channeling Sam’s humor, all of a sudden,

L. Scott Ferguson: that’s the word channeling, right?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah. But how I, I described how impatient I could be sometimes. Like the story I told about, , being on the phone with a customer service representative.

So Sam was always trying to get me to be more patient. Mm. And, , to, to stop reacting. So, Ooh, I like it aggressively to certain. Triggers. Right. I couldn’t do it while he was still alive, [00:16:00] but boy have I been able to tame that since he passed. Sure. It’s very interesting. And I think part of it might be that I want him to be proud of me.

Yeah. And yeah, I always wanted him to be proud of me, but after he passed, somehow that took on more importance. I’m not sure why. It just did. Yeah.

L. Scott Ferguson: It’s keeping them close to you. I’m not, I, I’m not a therapist. I don’t have any alphabet letters after my. Now I’m a, I’m a coach, right? So I don’t have that, but it, that’s a, a way to keep that closeness intact.

And I’ve noticed that kind of like feeling like your story is kind of one of a, of almost like a transformation, right? You, so what do you think the biggest, how can I say this misconception about grief that people hold onto. What do you think the biggest misconception about grief is?

Vicki Paris Goodman: This is one of the, this is probably the most powerful insight I received and it came after I wrote the book.

Is Death Tragic? I say No. [00:17:00] I say it’s a cause for celebration. Now don’t turn off the podcast. I’m gonna explain this. Yeah. Okay. If you have the belief system that there is a loving God and a beautiful beyond words stunning exquisite afterlife, and most people I’m finding do have that belief system.

And if you do, then what is exactly is tragic about your loved one going to that beautiful place to be with God where they’re surrounded by a love so powerful that we can’t even comprehend it here on earth, where they know all of the knowledge of the universe because they’re at one with God. And this is what many, I’m getting this from many near death.

Experiences, one in particular, but many people who have had near death experiences describe this, this, this love that, that we can’t experience here on earth because it’s so [00:18:00] powerful, right? And this all knowing knowledge of the universe, right? So. So if that is the case, and if you believe that God has a plan for each one of us, then the plan was always for, in my case, Sam, to pass before me go to this beautiful place.

I will join him there later, and in the meantime, God has a plan for me to do more things, experience more, learn more, and maybe even to teach others. Yes. What exactly is tragic about that? I say nothing. I say that the reason, even people with this belief system who nod knowingly, as I say, these things still grieve hard in many cases, right?

I think it’s cultural conditioning and I think it’s conditioning that needs to be undone, right? Because at even for entrepreneurs that experience these. These losses or adversity in life and are stuck and frozen, [00:19:00] they can’t afford that. Their productivity can’t afford that. And I am showing, I’m showing everyone a different way to look at loss and adversity and death itself.

L. Scott Ferguson: So how can people maybe shift their perspective then for to embrace this kind of, role of inspired grief versus just kind of enduring it? Like what, what do you think that they could start at? Okay.

Vicki Paris Goodman: So regardless of your belief system, what I tell people worked for me, and I think it can work for anyone, is to establish a balance.

After you lose someone very important to you, establish a balance between what I call activity and quiet time. There are people who will tell you, just keep yourself as busy as possible so you don’t have time to think or feel. Yeah,

L. Scott Ferguson: I feel that. Yeah, that

Vicki Paris Goodman: advice is well intended. But it’s all wrong. Mm-hmm.

I, [00:20:00] and I knew it instinctively as soon as people started telling me that, and only a couple did. What you need to do is you need to process what’s happened to your life. , the person who you shared your home with, let’s say if it’s a spouse, is, is not going to be physically present in your home anymore.

Right? And that is going to take some getting used to. As human beings, we fear the unknown and the uncertainty of how life is going to look after this loss or if it’s, , adversity of any kind. So we need to process that. That’s the part that we really need to grieve. Okay. Not the fact that our loved one, let’s say, went to this beautiful place.

So it’s kind of a bifurcated notion of, I. The changes to our life and the actual fact of the, the person passing away. [00:21:00] Okay, so, so what I did was, , these opportunities started coming my way to do things almost immediately. And I thought, is it too soon? And the helping hand told me no. Do it.

Right. So I did, I did some wonderful things. I traveled to some wonderful places. I acted in a play, for the first time in my life after having been a critic for all those years. Yeah, yeah. And I rejoined the orchestra I had been in that I quit when we got Sam’s diagnosis. I just, , didn’t feel like.

Playing at that point. So I, I didn’t, and I rejoined immediately after Sam passed, and it was so good, making those musician friend connections again. So, so the quiet time part of this is anything, it can be just sitting and being, or it can be reading, or it can be hiking or, , walking.

Sure. Maybe even with a friend. , it doesn’t have to be alone time, but you need. , you need to [00:22:00] get away from the activity that’s going to kind of take you away from, from the processing of what has happened. Love it.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah.

Vicki Paris Goodman: So yeah, create a balance. So, so the, the activities are the things that are gonna start you moving into that next chapter of life.

People think they have to put that off. And that’s part of the cultural conditioning.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Oh, I have to wait. It’s too soon,

L. Scott Ferguson: right?

Vicki Paris Goodman: No, it’s not too

L. Scott Ferguson: soon. So do you think if Sam was sitting with us right now, which he might be, , and, and nice to meet you, Sam, , what do you think he would say about your, your journey and, and, and what you put on paper?

Vicki Paris Goodman: I believe Sam is, is cheering me on and saying, wow, you did this the best way possible and I’m so, and I’m so happy. You did right. You didn’t waste any time. You have missed me and I’ve tried to be there for you. [00:23:00] And I have stories in the book about that. Yep. Yeah. And yeah, so I, I think he’d be, I think he’d all in favor exactly

L. Scott Ferguson: what I did, jumping up and down right.

A rock. I mean, just from what you explained to us earlier in, in our interview here, , that he would be really on board, I mean, fully on board. So have you seen the movie Back to the Future? Yes. Okay. It literally, it’ll be 40 years old next week. Right. So let’s get in that DeLorean with Marty McFly.

Let’s go. We’re gonna move away from the book just a little bit right now. I wanna know about Vicki just a little bit. So if we were to go back to the double deuce, the 22-year-old Vicki. What kind of knowledge nuggets would you drop on her? Not, and that’s what we call ’em here. Like things to uplift or advice that you’d give her that, not to change your journey.

Okay. But to maybe shorten a learning curve or maybe blast through just a little bit quicker. This

Vicki Paris Goodman: has a lot more to do with my new book Speed Bumps than It does with to Sam with Love This question you just asked me. [00:24:00] Gosh, this Type A Drive and always, , having to get As, as. As quickly as possible to the destination as far as you can, as fast as

L. Scott Ferguson: you can, right?

Vicki Paris Goodman: As far as you can, as fast as you can, whether it be literally, yeah. The road rage. I have a, I have a chapter in the book in speed bumps called Road Rage 1 0 1. Okay. I have largely conquered, well, I, I will always be a Type A me too, but I, yeah, I, well, the advice I would give her is. Try and maybe change jobs, even if this is what it takes, and work at a place where the the, the frustrations are fewer and farther between.

Because I would notice that with a high stress environment being a type A, I would respond to all these these instances of, oh, it’s hard to put. [00:25:00] These, these stressful instances where. I was motivated to just keep up and go as fast as I could to keep up and the frustrations of, , somebody who I just sent a fax to losing it and saying, can you fax it again?

And, , all these frustrations, right? If, if I had a lesser, lesser stress environment and if the stresses were not only less. But farther between so that I had a chance to calm down before the next one hit. Sure. Instead, I was, I always found myself in these situations where my volcano was sort of getting closer and closer to eruption, you know?

Yeah,

L. Scott Ferguson: yeah, yeah.

Vicki Paris Goodman: I still work, so I would tell her still

L. Scott Ferguson: in my life too, honey, I, I, like, I have, that’s why I’ve had my coach for 19 years, but she keeps me in check with that. Yeah. You know? ’cause I’ll have it and I’ll, and the funny thing is with people like us, is sometimes we might even search. For something [00:26:00] that that set us off.

Because if we’re not set off or, , leaning into our, what we feel is our ultimate human potential, right? That we only almost search for stuff, which is not, I learned very quickly it wasn’t healthy. Meaning I’d find some that like to challenge somebody or challenge myself or make a fricking mountain out of my own little mole hill for like, , to go back in a cliche.

You know what I’m saying? We do that. Yes.

Vicki Paris Goodman: I do, I tell a story in in speed bumps in the chapter road, rage 1 0 1. I tell a story about how it happened. It actually happened one time that I had everything done and , that

L. Scott Ferguson: you didn’t know how to deal, what happened. Everything done

Vicki Paris Goodman: was that was, and, and I thought, wow, what do I do with myself?

, I decided to go take a walk in a nature on a nature trail, not too far from the house in Long Beach. And I’m still road raging to get there, you know? Yeah. And it’s, I, it’s, it was so hard to just drop, right? The, the [00:27:00] usual mentality.

L. Scott Ferguson: Right. I was told, you know what? My, my coach and actually someone else that I mentally respect, is it silence.

Is God’s voice, right? Because there’s there like if you really tune into that, so I am required to take a daily sabbatical, even if it’s for 10 minutes, , to where it’s just like me and my silence, , I’m God-fearing and I love to hear the story about Sam saying like he would give somebody the view I.

, like if you went to a restaurant, give someone a view and that that goes right back. Spirituality religiously to Proverbs 17, where it’s like if you walk into someone’s house, you sit. Not at the head of the table. You sit where it is and if the host wants you to be moved, be moved there. And those kind of people are well, more well liked that do that.

And that’s why Sam was loved because he gave, he was a Go-Giver, out there and which is just, it’s amazing. I would’ve loved to have like met this man in the flesh, ? And I’m sure a lot of people out there, right squad would wanna meet Sam as well. So how does Vicki want [00:28:00] her dash? Remember that little line in between your own?

Incarnation date and your expiration date, your life date, and your death date. How does Vicki want her dash remembered? Oh, wow.

Vicki Paris Goodman: I want to be remembered as a nice person because I haven’t always felt, when I look back on a way I behaved, I haven’t always felt likable. That’s why speed bumps is a little so different.

Yeah. My sister from another

L. Scott Ferguson: mrta, I’ll tell you that right now. Yeah, because I, yeah. Yeah.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah, I, I want, I want to be remembered as, as a nice person. Yeah.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah. And, and that I think that your people that know you, I know that people that know me know that everything that I do comes from my heart, but I also, run a company.

And I luckily, I have kind of a beta personality that, you know, is just one rung below me, if you will. And he keeps me in [00:29:00] check with, with the stuff, and I trust him. Kind of like maybe what Sam did with you on certain things, right? Like I was just thinking that, , it’s like, , someone will say that, the man’s the head of the house, but the woman’s the neck and the neck turns the head, right?

So it’s like no matter what personalities are there. So what is Vicki’s definition of a life well lived?

Vicki Paris Goodman: See, this goes back to the type A thing and is it really true? , I would say, oh, , I’ve accomplished all these things. Well, one of the things I’ve learned very recently is I. You don’t have to be constantly achieving, and I’ve stopped to smell the roses, and so I think I’ve missed out on a lot being this type A go-getter.

Sure. Because type a’s don’t stop to smell the roses. Right. And so now I, I think that a life well lived is one where you are. Constantly stopping to [00:30:00] smell the roses. Just being

L. Scott Ferguson: present, being right there. , I, I’m like coaching clients here in South Florida that I’m blessed to coach in person or even if I travel, I put ’em in their car.

One, I wanna see how they keep their car. If it’s messy, I can, I. I can coach around that meaning like mindset wise. So I’m just a mindset coach, but I showed him the rear view mirror and I was like, listen, this is small for a reason. That’s your past. If you need help there, I don’t have an alphabet after my name, you, I gotta get you a therapist.

But this windshield huge, big. Oh my gosh, where are we going? It can get scary, but ever since 2011 and now you can actually carry it in your pocket. A GPS system. Right? And that’s what I am as your coach. But. You have to be present enough to buckle your seatbelt. If you so choose to start the car and plan, then that the only way you can do that is what you just said.

You have to be here where you are, period. At that time. And as a type A is like us, we’re like already there before we’re even there. A lot of times we’re missing out on a lot of shit that we could, excuse my language, that [00:31:00] we could have saw on the way to that jour on that journey. Right? Absolutely. And I’m so happy to hear you say.

That you are, , we’re we, we drop cliches all the time. Smell, slowing down to smell the roses, right? I mean, it’s true. Ferris Bueller said it in his movie, , life goes fast if you don’t stop and look around. He just goes right by us. Right? So that’s this. That’s awesome. Time to shine today. Podcast Var squad. We are back. And Vicki, I am in Arizona quite a bit, so one of these times we’re gonna have to meet for a good cup of coffee or something like that when I’m out there.

Oh, and I’d love it. Some of these questions I might ask and we’ll take 15, 20 minutes and bounce ’em off of each other. But today you’ve got five seconds with no explanation. So I need you to turn on that alpha and all of them, I promise you can be answered quickly. You ready to level up? Yep. Yeah, I know. I knew you were gonna be like, yep.

There was no hesitation, nothing. I love it. Vicki, what is, do you feel is the best leveling up advice that Sam’s ever given you?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Leveling up? I’m not even sure I know what that means. [00:32:00] You good advice? Oh,

you said they’d all be easy to, to answer. I’m not sure. Well. Sam didn’t give me advice.

L. Scott Ferguson: You never said slow down.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Well, yeah, but we’ve we’ve been through that. Okay. Yeah. Slow down. Yeah. Develop some patience. There you go.

L. Scott Ferguson: Let’s, perfect. Let’s go there. Yeah. How about, share me one of your personal habits that contributes to your success?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Oh, I never procrastinate. I remember I had a big problem with it when I was younger. Love it. But I never procrastinate Now.

L. Scott Ferguson: Beautiful. So you see me kinda walking down the street or we’re somewhere and you’re like, man, forge looks like he’s in his doldrums a little bit. Is there any book that you read that really kind of like, kind of flipped your mindset around upside down and really got you back on track?

Yes.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Proof of Heaven by Evan Alexander.

L. Scott Ferguson: Excellent, Donnie. Put that in the show notes [00:33:00] please. Thank you. Your most commonly used emoji, if any when you text. Oh

Vicki Paris Goodman: the one, where the eye what is it called? Ah, the one where the eyes go up, , like, oh yeah, like right,

L. Scott Ferguson: like rolling your eyes kind thing.

Yeah. Rolling up.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah. That’s it. Rolling eyes. Yeah. Love

L. Scott Ferguson: it. Nicknames growing up? Bootsy and Tomato. Got it. Love it. Do you have any hidden talent and or superpowers that nobody knows about until now?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah. I am a spelling savant. I have a photographic memory

L. Scott Ferguson: for spelling. I’m just gonna send you texts now that are wrongly spelled.

I’m kidding. I won’t do that. So thank you very much, Scott. I love it. Chest checkers or monopoly? Monopoly. Gotcha. Headline for your life.

Type a [00:34:00] crazy. I love that you’re transparent. This is awesome. Go to ice cream flavor.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Oh, my ba. My favorite ice cream flavor.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yep. Mm-hmm. Coffee. Love it. There’s a sandwich called the bsy. Build that sandwich. What are we eating for a sandwich.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Oh. Okay. Corn beef. Hmm. And Swiss cheese. I guess it would be more like a Ruben.

L. Scott Ferguson: Ruben. Love Ruben. Yeah. So use phones anytime. Love that. Favorite charity and or organization you like to give your time and or money to?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Maybe gosh, what’s it called now? I can’t think of the name of it, but it’s a, a be Oh,

L. Scott Ferguson: what does it have to do with,

Vicki Paris Goodman: it has to do with legal assistance for, for those who can’t afford it.

Oh,

L. Scott Ferguson: nice. Thank you. Right. Yeah. We’ll look, Danny, look that up. Okay, cool. [00:35:00] Please. It starts with bet BET Bet. Okay. Last question. You can elaborate on this one, but what is the best decade of music? Sixties, seventies, eighties, or nineties? Sixties? Yeah. What, who’s your go-to?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Oh gosh, I have so many, but maybe Frankie Val in the Four Seasons.

L. Scott Ferguson: Oh my gosh. One of my questions I sometimes ask, and this is no lie, I go ask people Beatles or The Stones. And they’ll, , they’ll give me, and I always say, I got asked the question one time on a podcast, the Beatles, or The Rolling Stones. I said, Frankie, Val. They’re like in the Four Seasons, and they’re like, why?

I go, because they had a hit before the Beatles, the number one before the Beatles, during the Beatles, and way after the Beatles. And they’re so under fricking rated, but he’s still performing. I’m going to see him in two weeks. Frankie Val, he’s performing at 89 years old or something like that, and he is performing in South 40.

He performs every year in March every year. And it, I saw him a couple years ago and he’s, I mean, he doesn’t [00:36:00] do the full concert ’cause he has this kind of. Like the, the, what do they call those people that mimic him or whatever, and impersonators, , they do it, but he’ll come out and sing the slower songs, , which is awesome.

So thank you. That’s awesome. I told you you’re my sister from another Mista. This is awesome. So how can we find your book?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Go to vicki paris goodman.com. You can get the audio episodes there by subscribing at inspired grief. Do just go to the menu and go to inspired grief. Get the audio

L. Scott Ferguson: episode. This is Inspired Grief here, right?

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah. And then, yeah, but you said Vicki

L. Scott Ferguson: vicki paris goodman.com would have the,

Vicki Paris Goodman: would, would have the books and a link to inspired Grief so that you can get to everywhere from vicki paris goodman.com and the books are discounted on that location. Okay. A couple of bucks, so it might be the best place to buy them.

L. Scott Ferguson: Excellent. And squad, I am going to do a two book giveaway for Sam’s book and also a two book giveaway. [00:37:00] For speed bumps. So all you have to do is put in any of our social I don’t care if it’s Pinterest, LinkedIn if you text it to 5 6 1 4 4 0 3 8 3 0. If you put in boop, you put in that, I’ll know you’ve listened and I will definitely get you pick which book you would like speed bumps or the speed bump book or the sand book and or if you want both, I have no problem buying both of them for you and I’ll get ’em mailed out to you on time to shine today’s dime.

Absolutely. No problem at all. And if you could, we spell boop. I’ll, I’ll know it because if people butcher it, it’s fine. I’ll know that they’ve listened this far, I promise you. But also go to inspired grief and make sure you subscribe as well. ’cause you do don’t wanna miss anything that Ms.

Vicki’s gonna be bringing out. And it looks like she’s on the, the social media with the Instagram and the Facebook as well. So, if you could, Ms. Vicki, leave us with one last knowledge nugget, maybe some advice. That we can kind of take with us, internalize and take action on. [00:38:00]

Vicki Paris Goodman: Yeah. Something I actually said earlier, but establish that activity, life time.

If, if you lose someone, establish that balance between activity and, and quiet time. It really move right into that next chapter of life. Let

L. Scott Ferguson: yourself do it. That is such amazing advice and squad. I, I do have actually a few notes. , usually when I’m talking to somebody. I’m a professional. I take notes to really level up my coaching game, but I did pull away like some really good knowledge nuggets from my friend Vicki about, , just learning about Sam.

 it felt like he’s here. He’s a wonderful man. Decency is the word she used for him. He believed in doing the right thing. In every situation and there takes sacrifice in that squad. It’s, it’s about go giving, not go taking, go giving, yet being open to the reciprocation, which she was open to, the love from Vicki, and so that’s why really they kind of, , mashed and meshed, , lost love of a life, living and losing her love of her life.

The tongue twister there flooded her with optimism, [00:39:00] and she felt almost, in a sense, what I got is a little bit guilty about that. But the insights started coming her way, which provided a lot of opportunities out there for her. So again, , death. It doesn’t have to be tragic. It can be a celebration.

What my good friend Vicki said, we’re culturally conditioned to look at death as, oh my gosh, this sucks. Like literally 1115, yesterday I lost my third mom, someone that I absolutely miss, but I know that when I fly to Michigan after my trip out west, I’m going to celebrate her life and I’m gonna be the one there that’s gonna be talking about my Aunt Joyce and what she’s did and, and really.

, and carry the torch from the lessons that she taught me. Just like my good friend Vicki is carrying the torch, even though she’s an alpha an A type personality carrying the torch of lessons that Sam might’ve taught her. , she wants you to work in a, a work that is going to challenge you, right?

Don’t get, like, don’t sell yourself short if you feel like you’re not. In the place where you are, but there’s [00:40:00] something more and you don’t know how to get there. Get your asking gear like there’s people out there that will help you along the way. She will be, remind remembered as somebody that was a nice person, someone that you could lean on that’s going to not just give you a.

What you want to hear. I think Vicki’s gonna tell you what she feels that you might need to hear in the minute, but she’s going to do it with, , from a place of love. And lastly, again, I’m gonna reiterate what she said, establish a balance between activity and quiet time, especially when you’re going through loss.

And that’s what my good friend Vicki, didn’t thank you so much for putting in in writing. I absolutely love your God. So you level up your health, you level up your wealth. Again, thank you so much for coming on Miss Vicki. I can’t wait to collaborate with something in the future.

Vicki Paris Goodman: Oh, thank you so much for having me, Scott.

L. Scott Ferguson: Chat soon.