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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Odette,Please introduce yourself to the time to shine today podcast varsity squad. But first, what’s your favorite color? And why?

Oh, wow. My favorite color is purple. As always loved purple. I just think it’s

awareness. Yeah,

that’s true. I had my bedroom was purple when I was growing up. I just, it’s a rich, beautiful color. But it’s also kind of feminine. And it just makes me feel good.

I think being girls that I know, because this is a 95 seaboard, and a lot of Jersey comes down to Palm Beach, right? And so you have a lot of the red in the blue. So you have the fiery side in the chill side. Right? And that makes purple. And it’s frickin regal. Right? It’s right. So it fits you

perfectly somewhere in between? Yeah,

my favorite color? So we’re on the same page there. But no, can you give us a little bit of your roots and kind of where you started, and how you’re leveling up in helping these women in so many couples?

Sure. So as you mentioned, I’m a life and relationship coach, I actually started off as a health coach a few years back, and I really loved the life coaching aspect of it. And I kept attracting clients that had issues in terms of their relationships, and eventually I just became a relationship coach. And it’s something that I’m very passionate about. I feel that life is all about relationships in general. And our ability to relate to one another really determines, you know, impacts all areas of life, that your marriage or your relationship with your life partner in general, it really impacts you know, how you parent, your finances, your career, it really impacts everything. So I just think that it’s so important to try to have the best relationship possible with that person in particular. So that’s, you know, became a relationship coach. And I’ve also been married for 23 years, I have three children. They’re all young adults now. And I homeschooled them for a lot of their education. So I also had, you know, my husband, I had a business that we started in early 20s. So I do know what it’s like to have a lot of challenges in life, right? And a lot of different things that you’re managing and all the ups and downs that come along with it and how that impacts relationship. But I believe that all of those things can kind of bring you closer together. They don’t have to break you apart. They can actually be a catalyst for more connection and intimacy.

Sure, you’re saying like maybe then the journey, the more the maybe we’ll call them problems or obstacles, they can be a catalyst for, like maybe a closer relationship.

Yeah, I think that what we get a lot of times we hear oh, man, marriage is so difficult. Relationships are difficult. And I’m not saying that they’re easy, but I think that life in general is challenging life. We’re constantly being tested. What you know sometimes what doesn’t what doesn’t break you makes you Yes, so If you can really lean on each other, if you can really become allies in facing your challenges, if you can become partners, that’s going to strengthen your bond and your connection.

I love that like allies against obstacles, if you will.

Not you against me, it’s just, yeah,

I love that. I love it. So let me ask you something, what do you think then makes a great coach?

I think what makes a great coach is, first and foremost, your ability to create that safe space for your client. The ability to make the client feel that they can trust you, and that this is a space where you’re, there’s no no judgement, you know, I’m unbiased, that’s the first thing. And then to be able to be really present and curious. Yes, with your client. That’s what it’s all about. It’s your, as a coach, you’re not giving your client the answers, you’re not telling them what to do. You’re serving as a thinking partner or with your client. Kind of like a mirror for your, for your client, right? And helping them figure things out for themselves because they’re the expert in their own lives. Really

good. I love that you said that about coaching, because that was my next question was kind of kind of lead Are you a coach or consultant or a coach saltan? You know, and I’m a coach in I work I’m blessed to work with, you know, some celebrities and Major League Baseball players, blah, blah, blah, but it’s funny that they’re like, aren’t you gonna tell me what I should do? I’m like, No, man, I’m a coach, you the problem or your obstacle is sitting inside you, but you also have the answer. And we just help them as coaches get that sounds like Tom Brady, you know, quarterback, it’s like belcheck. Back in the day, it wasn’t out on the field. With him. He was, you know, given him a game plan, through questions they would have in the film room, you know, like, people are like, Oh, shit, that’s exactly how it works. I love that. So within your protocol, we’ll call it protocol. But then when you’re starting to bring someone in, if you don’t mind sharing otet Is there any, like, during the initial discovery conversation is there any secret sauce, if you don’t mind sharing, that maybe helps them find their blind spot, their initial blind spot?

Well, when I work with clients, and whether even if even when I do couples, we really start with the relationship with yourself. Because a lot of times, people, you know, we can easily see what’s wrong with our partner, what we what they’re doing wrong, the things we want them to change. But we have to start by taking responsibility for our role in whatever is happening. And we also have to acknowledge and get in touch with our own self worth, self love, self acceptance, like we have to believe that we’re worthy of love, and, and love ourselves and strengthen that relationship with ourselves. Because a lot of times our partner is trying to love us in their way or is that love and we don’t see it. And it’s because we can’t recognize it. Love it. We don’t love ourselves. So I think that that’s really, really a foundation relationship is strengthening that relationship with yourself.

Oh, yeah, it’s cliche but you know, they say but it’s the best thing is like you can’t really love somebody unless you’re taking care of yourself and loving yourself, a the whole on the airplane putting your mask on first before you help someone else. So with that being said, then I guess some of my interviewees this but what is you mentioned responsibility. What is Odette’s definition of responsibility?

Responsibility is you know, I think that in any situation, in any relationship, even the relationship right now, between between the two of us in this interview, right? What energy am I bringing to this interview? Love it. What’s what is my my vibe, right? What’s my, what’s my mood? What’s that’s the number one thing that you have to take responsibility for? Because the energy that you’re bringing to that relationship is your responsibility. Love it. And I think it’s, is it I forgot his name. I can’t think of his name right now. But he talks about being a thermostat. Not a thermometer,

right? Yes. Absolutely.

Whatever you want in your relationship. Bring it Yeah, you want on you want more love? You want more passion? Yes. Bring it. Yeah,

I love that you you’ll get what you give, in a sense. And it’s like, there’s analogy, a friend of mine, I’m actually interviewing Daymond last he wrote the book, the coffee bean. And he makes some analogy in the book where If you put a carrot in boiling water, what does it do? It gets soft, right? You put, it gets cooked, but it’s soft, you put an egg into boiling water, it cooks, it gets hard on the outside, but it’s still soft on the inside, you put a coffee bean in boiling water, it changes the environment. I love his analogy. So if you’re taking responsibility, like you said, you put that good energy out, you’re going to get I love, love, love that my definition of responsibilities passed on from my mentor was the ability to respond. It’s rooted right in the word itself. And just like you had said, you can respond to any situation by changing your vibe, towards the end bring you a frickin awesome, this is amazing. So well, maybe you’re in the discovery period a little bit more with whether it’s a one on one or couples? Is there any good question that you wish they would ask you, but never do?

That my that my clients would ask me or just in general?

You know, you’re starting to work with them, you know? Is there any good question that you wish that they would ask you, but never do?

I think that the one thing that I don’t know if it’s if it’s a question, but one thing that I wish that they would ask is How can I like myself more? By the times I get asked, you know what? How can why? Why won’t? Why don’t they love me? Why don’t they like me? Why don’t they accept me? And I think the real question is strong. How can I like myself more? How can I love myself more? I think that that matters so much more than other people think about us?

Love it in? I know this is a broad question. But what do you think is the main catalysts in this day and age for disconnect in relationships between whether it’s husband, wife, husband, husband, wife, wife, whatever, what do you think is the biggest disconnect these days,

I think the biggest disconnect is just a lack of appreciation for each other. Focusing on what we form a habit, we form patterns of behavior. And initially, when we’re dating, we tend to like ignore all the negatives. And we’re just like, any little thing is amazing. And it’s wonderful. But as time goes on, we tend to ignore the positive traits that they have and just focus on any little flaws that they may have anything that they do wrong, it’s just just focused on the negative, right, about creating a habit of really appreciating each other really noticing each other. Thank you for showing us that love and appreciation and building that up so much, that when there is an issue, there is a challenge or a problem, we can stay focused on that issue. And it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with the relationship. I don’t love that mean that that oh, the marriage is in trouble because this happened? No, you’re so secure in the marriage, because you’ve shown each other so much love. And you’ve built up that love bank that right? We’ve heard people mentioned, right? Yeah, that when something happens, you’re able to deal with it and just focused on the issue. You don’t make it mean that something’s wrong with your partner or with the marriage.

I love that. I just noticed a lot with my clients as well. So like, there’s trust and respect, right? Like, let’s say you and I go way back to grade school or whatnot. And I’m probably a lot older than you. But let’s say we went back and we knew each other then. And you. You came over with your fiancee. Right? I would get off my couch, open the door. You think Oh dad, Hey, how are you in the house? Nice to meet you. Can I get you guys a beer, right? If you were to come over and because I went way back with you, right, you would come over, you’d knock and be like it’s open, you’d be like forgot a beer and I’d be like it’s in the fridge. You know where it is. You notice that it’s like trust and respect. Like you know a lot of guys like I for Susan I opened her door every time it’s a thing like no matter what it’s like a reminder of my mom’s foot up my butt. See how to treat them in and stuff like that. But you lose the respect part because you trust your partner trusts you to do nothing gives you a key to the house or, or whatnot but the respect goes way What do you think couples can do to help keep that respect towards each other?

Well, I just want to go back to what you said about trust because you’re right trust can be a double edged sword right because then you get so comfortable but really safety and trust is what you know marriage is all about like you have to have safety and trust in order to really you know, grow your friendship, you know, remind each other that you like each other you know, appreciate each other so trust and safety is is the foundation, but remembering respect it’s just it’s not what you do now and then people think oh I need to go on this romantic getaway you know you need to my my my partner should buy me flowers. have, you know, on special occasions, and I’m not saying not to do those things, those things are, really, but I think that what matters the most is what you do on a daily basis is those little small habits.

I love it that you

form your little dynamic, it’s that little, it’s that little, you know, morning hug or kiss, it’s that little like, we’re walking and you, you know, spontaneously hold hands, that it’s those little tiny moments of connection, right? That matter and that kind of help help remind each other Oh, we we do love each other. We do like to write forget about love, we love people love each other, but they don’t. Right still like each other and want to be together and, and maintain that connection going.

I love you say like Susan, I will have like these little notes like I leave because she gets up at like 240 in the morning, because he’s in the restaurant business and when that we leave like little notes for each other every single day. And also another thing is like, we always put XOXO at the end of our texts. You know, it’s just something that if it wasn’t there, you just wouldn’t feel I know, it’s so something so simple, but that stuff like that keeps you glued, I love that.

And also being aware and taking responsibility. Like if the partner is doing something that’s bothering you, like, express yourself, like share it. Don’t be afraid to share your right when your partner is going to read your mind. You have to take responsibility for the things that you want or that you need and expressing and communicating that.

Love it. So good. So good. Oh, Dad, have you seen the movie Back to the Future?

sure how? Okay.

All right. Yeah, like our generation a lot. But let’s get that to Laurie with Marty. Let’s go back to the double Deuce the 22 year old. Oh, Dad, I don’t know if it’s Cornell there. But let’s go back to the double deuce. What kind of knowledge nuggets would you drop on her? Maybe not to change anything because your life is blissful? It’s good challenges. But that’s fine. It’s part of the journey, not to change anything but maybe to help her shorten the learning curve blast through or level up just a little bit quicker?

Hmm. I think I would tell my 22 year old self, two things. First of all, don’t worry about what other things other people think about you. Because what you think about yourself is what really matters. And that’s what’s going to impact your happiness and your life. It’s what you think about yourself. So people are are busy, you know, worried about what people are thinking about them. So don’t even think about that. And then the other thing would be I know that I was since I was very young. I’m like, looking for my purpose and all about like, what am I meant to do and all of that, and throughout the years, I’ve realized that your purpose is just to be happy, is to be the most authentic version of yourself. And that’s how you’re gonna be happy. Love that all of your gifts, your talents, your you know, your resources to become the best version of you. And that’s it. That’s your purpose. That’s regardless of your circumstance.

Right? Yes. In it’s funny I make I make two new year’s resolutions every year. And one is to make someone smile every day. Every single day make someone smile, see I went I went my day there and to unless I’ve hurt you disrespected you or Oh, you I give zero you know, what’s what you think about me? And it took me a while to get to that point just because I grew up an athlete and and I was always getting judged on stuff and I always did things like bodybuilding competitions or Jiu Jitsu, kind of where I was always getting judged and measured, right but if you give your all and you know you have you treating people the correct way, it doesn’t matter, right. It just doesn’t love it. I love so how do you want Odette’s dash remember that little line in between your incarnation date your expiration date your life date and debate how does Odette want her dashcam

I think I’d want to be remembered that by as a wife, a mother a coach someone that was here to make the world a better place by being the most authentic version of myself by using my gifts my talents whatever I have to serve others and and just make the world impact the world and in a positive way.

Love it. Love it That’s Enough said on that one that’s beautiful beautiful I mean you’re a slight across home plate bumped and bruised and whatnot a little bit but you’ve given your all and your make the world a better place that’s fantastic. So what do you think people might misunderstand the most about Odette?

Oh, that’s a that’s a that’s a loaded question. We could be here for a while.

That’s why I put the most

I think that sometimes I am. I’m not rate, or to folk, I just think so deeply about certain things and like the importance or the impact of certain things. I tend to like not be great with the small talk. And those little things like that, like, and it’s not that I’m not interested in the weather or like what’s happening with, I don’t know, on reality TV or whatever. Okay, I’m really not interested in that, but, but I just think that, like I try, I sometimes too much try to focus on things that like, really matter to me. And I forget that not everybody’s like,

thinking about those on the same time. Yeah, you

know, but I just tend to, like, focus on those things, sometimes too much. And, you know,

and I love it, you’re looking it, your brain is looking for solutions all the time. It’s just how especially coaches how we are because we’re working with people and you’re like, how could I have did that better? What can I ask them next time to? to level them up? Yeah,

I love it. I love that. So what is it that’s definition of a life well lived?

a life well lived, I would say is, again, I’m gonna go back to just really getting in touch with who you are. By learning about what your what your Likes are learning about cultivating right nurturing whatever little talents you have and skills and whenever you’re in flow, like do lots of that. As much your true self as you can be.

What puts no doubt in flow? Hmm, coaching. Yeah,

I am with my clients. I just feel really energized. Like I’m in flow. I really, I really enjoy it. Yeah, that’s I

kept up at night. If I’m not coaching, meaning I have West Coast clients, you know, but I gotta coach until like, midnight on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, you know, because of the time difference. But I sleep like a baby after coaching conversations, right? Where if I’m not, I almost am like, I’m missing out on something. And it’s exactly what I love it. So if you took out of this equation, any thing electronical like cell phones, computers, tablets, laptops, right? What are three things that Oh, Dad can’t live without?

My family? Beautiful. My family? Absolutely. Nature. I love being like near the ocean. I love that. And I would say faith.

Nice.

I’m not I’m not very religious in any sense. But I’m very spiritual. And I just know that there’s so much out there that we don’t know. Right? And it’s almost like I trust I have that trust in that faith in the universe. There’s so much that we don’t understand and it’s okay.

Love it. It is okay, because we’re merely a blip. If you’re really lucky. I actually did some reading this morning on Seneca, the philosopher and he was talking about how much of a blip we really are in this world and how we this little blip can make such a big difference within our little blip EJ and I love it. I love it. So time to shine today podcast varsity squad. We are back and no doubt you and I will we’ll meet some time and have a fun conversation. We’ll probably talk 1520 minutes on some of these questions. You know that I have laid out here but you have five seconds with no explanations. You ready to level up? Now? I’m ready. You can do it. Bring it on. Here we go. What is the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received?

That’s a good question. Oh, gosh, the best level leveling up advice I’ve ever received is that my thoughts create my feelings. So be aware of the thoughts.

Love it. Share one of your personal habits contributes to your success.

personal habits no matter what every day, I write down three things that I love about myself. Three things that I want. And three things that I’m grateful for.

I love it. It’s like my gratitude sandwich a little bit where I put my intention for the day. My worries for the day and 14 things I’m grateful for the day and it squeezes those worries. I absolutely love that. So you see me walking down the street. And like Fergie seems like he’s an adult. Jim’s literally he’s just not himself. What book might you hand me?

Think I would hand you the book. Positive Intelligence. Yeah. Great. Yeah.

What’s your most commonly used emoji when texting?

When I love using the smiley face emoji with the hearts

love it, love it. Nicknames growing up.

I think at my turn in my teen years they called me od for a while. Od I didn’t like it reminded me of the dog from Garfield. So I didn’t love that nickname, but

sure checkers on monopoly monopoly eautiful well to get boardwalk you have to You’re right there. Go to ice cream flavor. Chocolate. Beautiful. You’re building a sandwich called the Odette OD. What’s on that sandwich build a for me.

Ooh, him. provolone, mustard mayo. Nut Cuban bread. Okay, in the griddle the thing that you like oh, like suppress the depressant what has gone?

Yep. Love it sounds good. If you get a time machine, can’t change a thing for one day, come back to present day would you go anytime in the future or any part of your past?

Well, I generally like to stay present. But if I I would like to just relive the moment when my children were born when they were born. Just because it just went by so fast. And I lost in that moment going on. Don’t really take it in as much. If I could relive any one moment it would be those three moments

love that there’s a kegger back in like 89 There was just a blast, I’d go back to that. So favorite charity and organization like to give your time or money to.

So I donate my time and money a lot to the Boys and Girls Club. And also Compassion International. I have a little boy that I’ve been sponsoring for years actually, he’ll be 18

That’s beautiful. So for doing that such a Go Giver, huge chart. And last question, you can expand on this one a little bit, but what is the best ticket decade of music? 60s 70s 80s or 90s 80s? There you go. Right. Or don’t care, you

know, yeah, I love the 80s Bon Jovi,

right. I graduated in 90 I just turned 50. And I like it’s like for the 80s to 90. I mean, you had like you just said Bon Jovi, you know, but you had all the big hair don’t care bands. You had the invasion of like YouTube, Duran Duran minute work, like all that stuff. And then rap, you know, Beastie Boys Run DMC. It’s like everything came out as such. I would love to go back into bed. Thank you again. It was so fun. You know? That’s music. Beautiful. So how can we find you my friend?

So the hub is Odette cornell.com my website, Robert air. It’s o d e t t e c o r o n e l dot Well, det cornell.com and through there you can reach me through all of my social media. Odette Cornell coaching is my social media

love it love it in spite all those will be in the show notes as well in can you tell us a little bit about your journal that’s out there and Amazon create an awesome life journal.

Yes, I have a create an awesome life journal which I created and it’s really based on my group coaching program that I have it’s part of my group coaching program. And it really is about taking responsibility for your life. And I use the life formula where you create your long term vision you identify your strengths, your beliefs, your obstacles and all of that and then you form goals I’m sorry, goals habits and action steps to create the life that you want.

Love that and love it do you use it actually with your coaching clients as well? Do you work with the book or I hope the more one on

it’s I actually this is something that you kind of do on your own if you really can’t afford coaching or something Oh beautiful at the time but I mean these types of questions are things that I do explore with my clients as well. This is something that you kind of do on your own

beautiful that’s great to have homework as well and try to do it on your own that’s beautiful. And give me one last salad oh that leaves us with one last Knowledge Nugget we can take with us internalize and take action on

be grateful be grateful for the people in your life be grateful for the circumstances in your life and try to stop through that gratitude and that energy that grateful energy your you will be more able to find the lesson in anything that happens in life.

Oh my gosh that that’s fantastic and squad we it’s so true. We just had a fantastic basically a masterclass with my good friend Odette Cornell here who you know she She’s very passionate about working with people in relationships. She reminds us that relationships in general impact all areas of our life. She wants to be a catalyst for people to have closer relationships to remind them that they do have allies in their obstacles. You know, you’re going to be constantly tested life and she reminds us what doesn’t breaks you what doesn’t break you makes you you know, a great coach, she also says creates a safe space for the client. You know, she wants the great coaches present and curious in basically a mirror for the client, okay? Once you know your relationship with yourself, responsibility, our role, our own self worth our own self acceptance will be more worthy of love again, to work on yourself first, and that’s what oh, that will really help you dig deep and find that, you know, if you’re working with a coach, ask them how can I like myself more, she did remind us of that, you know, she wants us to have appreciation for everybody, every living thing and inform habits and behaviors towards not only your mate, but also everybody that might walk down the street and just throw a smile at and just have fun, you know, and she, she said that we must have safety and trust to keep a relationship going strong, that’s super important that you communicate with that way. And she wants to remind maybe some younger people or even if you’re kind of going through a transition, don’t worry about what people think about it a purpose in life is just to be happy, regardless of the circumstances. She’s gonna be remembered as, you know, a fantastic wife and awesome mother, a coach who made the world a better place by being authentic and serving others. She’s basically squash, she’s planting trees, that she’s never going to sit in the shade up. And that’s just fantastic. And lastly, she reminds us to be grateful for all of our circumstances, have salad energy, and no matter what you’re going through, there’s a lesson there, dig deep and find it. And that’s what my good friend Odette will help you do. She levels up her house. She levels up her wealth. She’s humble. Yes, she’s hungry. You’ve heard your varsity letter squad, our varsity letter here at our squad and just thank you so much for coming on. Absolutely. Love your guts.

Thank you so much. This has been a blast and I really love our time together.

Yeah, we’ll chat soon. Bye now. Hi. Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. proudly brought to you by Southern New Jersey real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner, a professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com Flash guest. If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see a recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends how to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine.

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