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Speech Transcript

Unknown Speaker  0:00  

Hey there, this is Dr. Linda house. And if you really want to learn how to level up your life, you should be listening to the time to shine today podcast. My good friend Scott Ferguson.

Unknown Speaker  0:12  

Hey, time to shine today varsity squad Scott Ferguson and I had the opportunity to sit down with Dr. Melinda Fouts from success starts with you. She is a fantastic author. She writes for Forbes magazine, her credentials are through the roof. She believes with coaching with an iron fist and get a velvet glove. She talks in our little conversation about how we have control only over our thoughts, our words, our actions, reactions, everything else, just let it go. Don’t let things especially negative things control you. So without further ado, here’s a great conversation slash interview with my good friend Dr. Melinda Fouts of success starts with you.

Unknown Speaker  1:07  

Hey, time to shine today squatted Scott Ferguson and I have got a masterclass treat for you with my friend Dr. Melinda Fouts. From the age of five Dr. Melinda files, attended business and political meetings, meetings with her father instead of being given crayons and paper, she was told to listen. And listen, she did, how he pulled that off, I have no idea. But from these formative years of attending, attending these meetings, Dr. Faust became a shrewd observer of human behavior and could read those at the meeting. Well, I noticed in their body language early on, she could tell her father afterwards who was getting upset, who wasn’t really listening, who disagreed and so on. So basically, she was kind of a tattletale. Her unique coaching style, marries together her business acumen and her psychology degrees. She has worked with individuals and organizations for over 20 years bringing a plethora of experiences and knowledge She is an international executive coach, Jungian paced psycho therapist, columnist and future contribute contributor on Forbes coaching Council. And a founder of success starts with you what you have to check out that website which will be in our show notes. So Dr. Melinda Welcome to the show. Please introduce yourself. And if you could first tell us your favorite color and why.

Unknown Speaker  2:26  

Thank you, Scott. It’s a pleasure to be here. My favorite color is white, white.

Unknown Speaker  2:33  

Why is that?

Unknown Speaker  2:35  

It goes with everything. Really. It makes me shine

Unknown Speaker  2:42  

in the acessory with it and get away with it.

Unknown Speaker  2:44  

I love that. I love it. So you have your roots about what you’re doing with reading people going all the way back. Not to say you’re older or anything but going back to five years old. What got you tell us a little bit about the origins Success starts with you. And even before that,

Unknown Speaker  3:03  

well I have a PhD in psychology and had a thriving private practice in California in Colorado for over 20 years. And this global CIO of a fortune 500 company, this woman came to me and said, I need your help. And so we work together for nine months. And she had what I call the one two punch of blind spots. She came to me because a colleague said your team is afraid of you because you’re harsh. And so when we work together, what happens in the one two punch of blind spots is we all get triggered, and then we have a go to style of responding. So when she would get triggered she would pounce on her team after nine months because uncovering your blind spots is a challenge because the disco ball without the little mirrors, you can get triggered that many different ways on one blind spot. So, oftentimes she would say, I say, See your Gup you’re triggered, your blind spot was triggered. She goes, why can’t I see that? So after about nine months, she was catching it, we felt we were done. And at the end, she said, I’ve worked with a lot of executive coaches. No one has helped me with this. You need to be an executive coach, I thought, you know, I’m ready for change. I’m ready to turn the dial use all the skills and tools I crafted over 20 years or more, since I’ve been a shrewd observer of human behavior since I

Unknown Speaker  4:33  

was five. And

Unknown Speaker  4:36  

I thought, you know, it’d be nice to work at the corporate level, work with organizations because I have had a mission statement my whole life, and that is, especially in my work. If I can help one person have more inner peace, we will be one step closer to world peace. And so the real drive of what I do is to make money The world a better place. And that is strong. And I want to help relieve suffering and there’s a lot of suffering in organizations. This woman was suffering. And when she suffered, her team suffered, and so there is a cascading effect of this suffering. So I thought this way I can reach people at high levels, they can take this skills and tools I teach them and take it deep into the organization.

Unknown Speaker  5:27  

That’s, that’s amazing. So you already covered kind of your aha moment. So you were a psychology, psychiatry or psychotherapy. Okay, so you’re a psycho psycho therapist. And you’re were you catering to kind of a high end people at the time like executive coaches or people were doing it was just a plethora of backgrounds at the time.

Unknown Speaker  5:50  

Carl Jung says there are no accidents and the people that need you will come to you. I don’t turn anyone away. In fact, yes, I work with high end people, yet. This young man read my article on Forbes about interviewing. He did pass the bar exam. He’d been interviewing for eight months and was not getting a job offer. And he called me. And he said, I know you probably won’t help someone like me, but I just didn’t know how I could get a job offer. I said, I’ll help you. Ah, I’m not gonna turn anyone away. And I coached him four times they got two job offers

Unknown Speaker  6:29  

was this while you were practicing in California is this after you started? Success starts with you.

Unknown Speaker  6:33  

This is after I started success with you. Gotcha. And so if someone comes to me, I’m not going to turn them away.

Unknown Speaker  6:42  

Oh, beautiful. So you help out every facet of every human being. That’s that that is fantastic. So let me ask you something. You, you you had a thriving practice. And then you had your aha moment. In the started success starts with you. What did your family Think about that moving from a thriving business into your own.

Unknown Speaker  7:07  

Um,

Unknown Speaker  7:08  

well, I was always in my own private practice thriving. And I had 100% support from my family, they thought it was great. It allows me to be more flexible, because I can coach anywhere on zoom or Skype. And I have a little grandbaby in California right now. So

Unknown Speaker  7:30  

I have a lot of support.

Unknown Speaker  7:31  

Good. That’s fantastic. So give me a very challenging moment and or maybe where you failed forward and with a great learning experience that you could share with our squad because that’s what they really like to hear. They like to hear the superhero comeback story sometimes that people have.

Unknown Speaker  7:49  

early early early on in my career. I had a supervisor, and I started my private practice and once a week, he and I would meet together Had this young client, a co Ed. And we met every Monday. And every Monday I heard the same story of failure. I would do set out some techniques set out some plan. We set up everything for him to be successful this coming week. And every Monday, I heard the same story. So one Monday getting ready to meet with my clan. I said iPad enough. So I was young, I was new. He walked in. And he started to tell the same story and I gave him the timeout sign. I said,

Unknown Speaker  8:37  

Stop.

Unknown Speaker  8:39  

I said,

Unknown Speaker  8:42  

I want you to know, you’re really successful at one thing. And he sat up and he said what

Unknown Speaker  8:51  

I said,

Unknown Speaker  8:53  

you have chosen to fail in life. I just want you to do it consciously now and and He goes, you’re right. I’m choosing to fail. Like, hey, like you just said Scott. Ooh. So he left. And I ran over to my supervisor. I said, I think I just lost a client.

Unknown Speaker  9:13  

And my client, my supervisor said, sit down.

Unknown Speaker  9:17  

Do you know your strongest therapeutic tool?

Unknown Speaker  9:23  

And we’ll think and know.

Unknown Speaker  9:27  

He said,

Unknown Speaker  9:29  

You love your clients, and they know you love them. I could never have done what you did, but you can pull out the two by four and knock them over the head because you love them. Sure. And that is how I came up with my tagline. Okay, coaching with an iron fist in a velvet glove. Oh, I

Unknown Speaker  9:49  

love that. So how was that a failure though? what it was it something that’s like something that you learning experience. So you move forward, whether like I want to get in the the dark area like something.

Unknown Speaker  10:05  

Oh, I thought that was really dark for me.

Unknown Speaker  10:12  

It really taught me many things. It taught me to very be very conscious of the choices you’re making. We’re making choices and decisions, all our waking hour. And yet most people go around unconsciously making decisions. And so it made me very aware to be conscious of what we have control over. Love it. We have control over our thoughts, our words, our actions and reactions, everything else is outside of our control. And yet we let everything outside of our control disrupt us.

Unknown Speaker  10:49  

Very true.

Unknown Speaker  10:51  

So it was a it was a big moment for me because I realized I could have said it differently to him. didn’t have to punch this young 20 somethings with my iron fist. And it just taught me to be more. I can be tough, but I can choose better words, I can do it a little more graciously.

Unknown Speaker  11:15  

You’re that squad that is strong. She actually learned from something that actually ended up succeeding in the end. But she still learned a great valuable lesson, which is fantastic. So, Doctor, what do you think makes a great executive coach then

Unknown Speaker  11:35  

you have to know what to listen for. You have to be able to hear what they’re not saying.

Unknown Speaker  11:42  

You have to

Unknown Speaker  11:44  

uncover their blind spot that it’s a blind spot so they’re not aware of it. You have to know what triggers them and help give them the tools to come aware. So like this when we get triggered Scott We have a kinesthetic charge in our body. Our gut tightens our fisken title, physiological

Unknown Speaker  12:08  

response.

Unknown Speaker  12:09  

Yes. And so

Unknown Speaker  12:12  

people don’t understand start listening to the messages from their body. So I bring awareness to that. A good executive coach helps bring awareness of what, we all get stuck in a box. And that box consists of your beliefs, your perspectives, how you’re raised. So the same global CIO. I asked her what she could do differently in her team meetings.

Unknown Speaker  12:40  

She said, I don’t know.

Unknown Speaker  12:45  

I said, you have a team

Unknown Speaker  12:48  

that you’ve put together, so they’ve got to be pretty good. I say when you have a team meeting, you go in that meeting. You lay out the parameters, the budget, whatever, and then you tell them You’ll be back in 40 minutes and you want a decision. And she says, Can I do that? I said yes. And they want you to leave, you need to go back to your office and make the decisions they can’t make love it. So her box was a belief system sure that she has to stay in the meeting with their team. So good executive coach and covers these belief systems and covers these perspectives, uncovers whatever is getting in the way of them making good decisions.

Unknown Speaker  13:32  

Okay. And I think that through that, which I talk a lot about with my clients that I coach, and I even have did a podcast that got huge reviews on it. Thank you everybody out there that gave me them is it’s the question the power the questions that you’re asking them to dig in to find this to pull it so you can use your expertise to help them level up, correct you would you agree

Unknown Speaker  13:55  

right? Okay. I grade my clients on their answers. Okay. So And grade

Unknown Speaker  14:00  

yourself on the questions you’re asked. Right

Unknown Speaker  14:03  

through. Yeah. They, if they give an answer that’s within their perspective and box, sure, I’ll say that’s like a a minus b plus and so one time this one client said, How do I get an A plus out of you? And I said, when you give me a never before thought of answer,

Unknown Speaker  14:26  

love it, make them dig. They can dig deep. I love it. I love it. So you have a plethora experience you aren’t you write for contributed to Forbes. You are very well educated. If you were to look back, or if you could go back or even write a letter to the 22 year old Dr. Melinda Fouts, what would you tell her

Unknown Speaker  14:58  

Believe in yourself Stop the negative self talk which I talk about in my book, cognitive enlightenment. We all have some negative self talk this playing 24 seven, whether we hear it or not.

Unknown Speaker  15:13  

And

Unknown Speaker  15:15  

Own your authentic self.

Unknown Speaker  15:21  

Love it. Sorry, they squat. I’m actually taking notes. So sorry about the pause there. So with all of this experience, no negative you’re I wish somebody would have told me that when I was 22. You know, so I believe it or not, I had to grow in build a belief in myself a couple times in life. But what is the one big accomplishment that you still have not achieved that you’re looking forward to achieving?

Unknown Speaker  15:58  

That’s a great question.

Unknown Speaker  16:06  

15 years ago, the Dalai Lama came and spoke in Aspen. And I don’t remember what he said. However, there was questions afterwards and this one woman said, asked, Don’t you just hate the Chinese for exiling you out of your own country? And he smiled his beautiful smile. And he said, Yes, they’ve exiled me out of my country. And yes, they bring sacred texts and sacred temples. And then he taps his heart. He said, so why would I let them in here and let them disrupt my inner peace. I walked away and I’m like, I’m not letting anyone or anything disrupt my inner peace ever again.

Unknown Speaker  16:51  

Okay.

Unknown Speaker  16:53  

It has been a journey, Scott. It has been a challenge. It is one of the main things I teach my clients About not allowing the driver in front of you cut you off disrupt your inner peace, right? And there’s a story about me in my book about just that.

Unknown Speaker  17:13  

So if I

Unknown Speaker  17:14  

could attain that peace of mind, it would be my greatest success.

Unknown Speaker  17:21  

That’s amazing. It’s a strong answer. And you got to see the Dalai Lama. That’s fantastic. But you remember that one thing that we carry so much power within us, that I found that people don’t really unleash it? You know, there’s the fable of, you know, we were actually Gods walking the earth at one time, long time ago, and we were so destructive with our powers that they, the god the Supreme, God took it away from us. And they said, Where are we going to put the power and they said, I in a mountain? He said, No, so I’m gonna find it deep below the sea. No one, someone will find it. He said, we’re going to put it right in the person’s heart. You know, let them find if they can find it. There, they can conquer anything, which is what you just said was basically the exact same thing is what that fable. So that’s amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for that answer. So, if you were to remove your cell phone out of the equation, what are three person places or things three nouns that Dr. Melinda cannot live without?

Unknown Speaker  18:22  

My beautiful daughter. Yay. My joy field granddaughter who’s 14 months so we’ll say

Unknown Speaker  18:30  

family, okay.

Unknown Speaker  18:35  

The mountains, a hike in the mountains every morning before working with clients.

Unknown Speaker  18:39  

That’s fantastic.

Unknown Speaker  18:43  

And

Unknown Speaker  18:46  

everyone that I help, that’s beautiful,

Unknown Speaker  18:50  

that I go giver. Gotcha. I love that. I love that. Tell me something one thing that you’ve learned that’s just blown your mind outside The Dalai Lama. I think I might have just answered it, but everything else it’s really just blown your mind.

Unknown Speaker  19:07  

Yes.

Unknown Speaker  19:10  

During this time of global and financial crisis, it saddens me how some people are choosing to behave

Unknown Speaker  19:23  

and not thinking about

Unknown Speaker  19:26  

banding together as neighbors and community. Sure, but the few very greedy and selfish and minimalistic thinking people who gobble up all the toilet paper or hand sanitizers and then turn around and try to sell it as a profit. I, I can’t wrap my head around it, Scott. I’m sure we can take something like This and turn it into something for good. Coaching my client in the UK this morning. And he said that this old man was walking to his car with his cart of groceries. And somebody knocked him over and stole his toilet paper. That’s

Unknown Speaker  20:17  

really terrible.

Unknown Speaker  20:18  

Yeah. But I think that what you’re talking about is if we can touch one person at a time and find that inner peace with that person, it can spread out to the world. Tell me something Doc, what what is your definition of a life well lived.

Unknown Speaker  20:34  

A life well lived.

Unknown Speaker  20:38  

I told this to my daughter

Unknown Speaker  20:43  

when she was young,

Unknown Speaker  20:45  

I said, if you can at the end of your life, have no regrets. You will have a well lived life.

Unknown Speaker  20:55  

Love it. That’s all that matters. Take chances and no regrets. That’s fantastic. Okay, we’re gonna move into what we call our leveling up lightning round. You and I could you and I could have five to 10 to 20 minute conversations on each one but I need your quickest answer with no explanation I just want answers. Okay, five to seven seconds on each one. So, number one what’s the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received?

Unknown Speaker  21:26  

consciously Be aware that you love everyone you meet

Unknown Speaker  21:30  

with love it. share one of your personal habits that contributes to your success.

Unknown Speaker  21:37  

I meditate daily. I journal daily. And I hike,

Unknown Speaker  21:42  

love that other than your website and of course time to shine today calm. Can you give us another website that is your go to to help you level up your life.

Unknown Speaker  21:52  

I like insight timer,

Unknown Speaker  21:54  

insight timer.

Unknown Speaker  21:56  

Okay, it has guided meditations music, medical Some are five minutes. Some are two hours. I highly recommend it to everyone.

Unknown Speaker  22:06  

Okay. Excellent. In give us looks like your reader there. Anybody that’s going to see this on our YouTube? your reader there. Give me your one, one go to book.

Unknown Speaker  22:20  

Well,

Unknown Speaker  22:22  

is it fair to say my book right now?

Unknown Speaker  22:24  

That’s fine. Love it.

Unknown Speaker  22:28  

Love it and can we find that on Amazon?

Unknown Speaker  22:30  

It’s on Amazon.

Unknown Speaker  22:32  

Got it. Perfect. What’s your favorite charity or organization that you’d like to support?

Unknown Speaker  22:39  

Lift up here in the valley. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  22:42  

beautiful. And last question. What is the best decade of music 6070s 80s or 90s?

Unknown Speaker  22:51  

I would say the 70s 70s I

Unknown Speaker  22:53  

love we can definitely hang out doc. All right before we kind of Park Can you give us a Knowledge nuggets that you want the time to shine squad to walk away with.

Unknown Speaker  23:08  

I’m going to be repeating myself. That’s why please

Unknown Speaker  23:10  

do because I got a plethora of notes. So every

Unknown Speaker  23:13  

day, every moment, we are making choices. All we have control over is our thoughts, our words and our actions. Everything else is outside of our control. Yet we let everything outside of us disrupt our inner peace. The more you become conscious and aware, feel that kinesthetic charge and make a different choice. We will be a better world for that that

Unknown Speaker  23:39  

is so strong and where can we find you doc?

Unknown Speaker  23:43  

You can call me on the phone.

Unknown Speaker  23:45  

Okay. I don’t know if I put that in the show notes. We’ll start with your website in the show notes. That’d be great.

Unknown Speaker  23:51  

Melinda. Oh, it’s success starts with you. dotnet is the website and you can email me at Melinda at Success starts with you dotnet

Unknown Speaker  24:02  

Okay, and pick up your book,

Unknown Speaker  24:05  

pick up my book, write a review, write a review on Amazon and

Unknown Speaker  24:14  

yeah, like I said, I don’t turn anyone away.

Unknown Speaker  24:16  

I love it. I love it. Alright squad you just heard like this some super super strong moving knowledge nuggets from Dr. Melinda Fouts I have so many notes I can’t even read them but what she said about the one person at a time to find inner peace with one person at a time can lead to world peace. She rules with an iron fist in a velvet glove so she can work around anybody’s situation. We can control only our thoughts words and actions. She’s a very humble but yet still very hungry. She’s always leveling up or health leveling up your her wealth in Dr. Fouts, thank you so so much for coming on. It’s my pleasure. And I’m so sorry. grateful.

Unknown Speaker  25:01  

Thank you, Scott. I am grateful as well.

Unknown Speaker  25:03  

Have a great day. Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. Proudly brought to you by Southern Nugent real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com slash guest. If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcast. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see our recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host, Scott Ferguson. And then Till next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine.

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