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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Unknown Speaker  0:00  

Hey, this is Jay Schiffman a speaker at Choose Your Struggle.. And if you really want to learn how to level up your life, you should be listening to the Time To ShineToday podcast with my good friend Scott Ferguson

Unknown Speaker  0:10  

time to shine today podcast versus squad This is Scott Ferguson, I’m a boy Jay Schiffman coming on from misdiagnosed to overdose, this man has walked a path that you somebody called dark and he brought it into the light and he is breathing air on this earth for the sole purpose of helping people that are struggling and he will tell you that you can choose your struggle, you know, there’s addiction and connection and we cover so so much in this interview and if you’re struggling at all at all, please let us make a warm introduction to Jay for you because he will change your life. He will level you up and just make you in the rock star that you are really born to be so break out your notebooks on this one sit back relax, because there goes my really good friend Jay Schiffman from choose your struggle. Let’s level up. Time to shine today podcast varsity squad. This is Scott Ferguson and I got my boy he was a former Cincy guy live in in Philly Now, taking this headache from one place to another. I’m kidding, my boy Jay Schiffman. You know, in a country where as many as one in two will struggle with an issue of mental health or substance abuse at some point in their life. The average American is still an underserved by an outdated model of care. Too many communities don’t have a mental health provider at all. And if they do lack insurance coverage and the vast wall of stigma around these issues, makes health unaffordable and unattainable at most. My boy Jay Schiffman. You got it. I can’t wait to bring you this cat. He’s a mental health and substance substance abuse and recovery speaker, coach and advocate and the host of the Choose your struggle podcast, which we’ll throw that in the show notes. Don’t go over there yet, because I want you to hear everything my boy Jay. Jay, thanks for coming on. Please introduce yourself the time to shine today podcast versus swag first brother, what’s your favorite color? And why?

Unknown Speaker  2:02  

Green? And it dates back to when I was growing up. I was a big Ninja Turtles fan. Seriously, man, for the longest time. And to this day. I’m a Boston Celtics fan. Okay, incidentally, they’re they’re lime green, you know, the kelly green and so I got I mean, you can’t see it all around me. But I got green

Unknown Speaker  2:22  

everything. Oh, that’s awesome. And which which turtle was your guy? Oh,

Unknown Speaker  2:26  

Raphael. Yeah, you had to go with the lip. You know, he had that he had the lip on him. Well, you you remind me I was a turtle fan.

Unknown Speaker  2:34  

How old are you if you don’t mind sharing? 35 Okay, I’m 49. So I was like the first ninja turtle kind of generation where they were actually it was weird.

Unknown Speaker  2:44  

But it was all I don’t know it. They don’t know how cool

Unknown Speaker  2:46  

the turtles were. Yeah, yeah, they’re awesome. They’re like, full, like dudes dressed up like turtles back then, you know? But no, that’s awesome. So man, seriously, welcome. Welcome to the show, man. Let’s get to the roots of this because I’m sensing something that your background really kind of pushed you to where you are to help people level up out of kind of mental and substance abuse?

Unknown Speaker  3:05  

Well, I’ll tell you what, man, that’s true. I mean, I’ve been there. And the really short version is I was misdiagnosed as a teen with a pretty serious issue of mental health that led to struggling with substance misuse and addiction. And when I was 23, I attempted suicide twice in two days and lived through an overdose. So when I tell people that I’m working with that, there’s nothing they’re going to tell me that’s going to shock me. I mean, I mean, I personally I’ve been there. I know what I know what it feels like,

Unknown Speaker  3:31  

Dude, that’s awesome. You have that with actually walked in the shoes. I mean, it’s so cliche because you don’t always have to walk in the shoes, but what you’re doing with what you’re doing, it’s good to have that good that you damnit man. But it’s good that you actually went through it. So tell me a little bit about your program and what you have set up to help people kind of kind of push through and kind of level up through their mental health or even substance abuse and what you have set up and what you’re doing for people.

Unknown Speaker  3:57  

Well, I’ve COVID is really changed a lot. I mean, for everybody, right? About what how we are trying to help. For me and my team. What that has meant is a lot more big picture work. So we’ve done a lot of advocacy at the state level. Here in Pennsylvania. We did a lot of advocacy. I used to have been charged in Charleston, South Carolina, we were doing a lot down there because, you know, it’s it’s it’s tough, man, it’s tough for a lot of people, you know, a lot of these places where stigma is still keeping people from getting out. And so a lot of what we’ve been doing is focusing on that trying to help people just start these conversations. I was working with families just getting them to talk to each other about these issues. I’ll tell you what, man that honestly that’s the hardest thing is just starting the conversation inside of our family groups.

Unknown Speaker  4:41  

So do you work is a kind of a coach consultant or a therapist, are you kind of a consultant therapist, like what would you say what do you got going on with what you do?

Unknown Speaker  4:51  

So a lot of what I do is big picture like I said, speaking storytelling consulting with organizations, I do work one on one very, very Very special situations, I only work with people that I truly believe I can help. I don’t I mean, between you and me, man, I don’t want to be one of those guys, that just takes anybody. And three months later, it’s like, this isn’t really working. Yes, I am very particular about who I work with. And it’s only people that I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that I can make a difference in their lives.

Unknown Speaker  5:22  

That’s awesome. So when you’re bringing people in, like, if you’re about ready to speak in front of a group, yeah. Okay, you know, what kind of special sauce or secret sauce, if you will another cliche thing, kind of, but like do you do to help them find their blind spots?

Unknown Speaker  5:38  

That’s such a great question. And I’ll say this, I have a saying on my show, which is that vulnerability begets vulnerability and empathy. Because empathy, right? We’ve all but especially those of us who have lived this life, we’ve all been in those rooms where like someone’s preaching at us. And that’s not how you start these conversations. That’s not how you get people to, to open up to look around and realize what needs to change, right? The way the way that we make those conversations work is someone like me who’s been there is that vulnerable person first and coming from a place of empathy, right? I can’t shout you into wanting to get better, I can’t shame you into wanting to get better. I can only say to you, I’ve been there, I’m in a better place. Now. If you come with me, we can work together to get to where you want to be.

Unknown Speaker  6:24  

I’d love that. So you set up kind of a team environment for them. But they’ve got to make that ultimate decision to really want to level up I love I love what I’m hearing man. So when you’re bringing these, whether it’s a one on one, or even a community in, is there any good questions that you wish they would ask you, but never do?

Unknown Speaker  6:46  

Oh, wow, that’s a great question. That’s one, I don’t get to get asked a lot

Unknown Speaker  6:49  

of time to show them a baby.

Unknown Speaker  6:52  

And you you get this because you do something similar. But like we get asked, my wife knows this, when I walk out of a conversation, if I’m like, yeah, it was whatever it means I could have done this in my sleep. But the ones that really energize me are the ones where it becomes a communal conversation. And it becomes a given take. And when whether it’s asking me about my journey, in particular, or more, where it’s like, they’re really getting into this idea, I’ll tell you, my favorite one in that moment is how to retell our stories. A lot of times, we are allowing the way we are talked about other stories that are told about us to be our guiding factor. And you’re never going to get to your own success. That way, the way that you are going to find what’s going to make you whether it’s just healthier or entering recovery, or living a better life is by embracing your story, embracing your truth and deciding what success looks like to you. That’s the only way you can do it. You cannot follow someone else’s definition.

Unknown Speaker  7:49  

I love that man. Because we’re all unique, man. We’re all snowflakes, brands, fingerprints, you know, a lot of what you do, brother, it stems from responsibility. Okay. Once you’re done definition, responsibility. Sure.

Unknown Speaker  8:04  

Wow, you are hitting me with all the hard questions to them. And I love it, I’m glad to have my coffee this morning. You know, for me, at least that responsibility is is a two way street. Because like you said, we all are our own person. And that way we interact in the world is going to be coming from our own place of truth, our own place of reality, at the same time, there is that outside world that we are interacting with. So it cannot be all on the individual. But it also cannot be not on the individual. It has to be that perfect combination of how are you interacting in this world? And how is the world interacting with you?

Unknown Speaker  8:39  

I love that bro. Because it’s a two way street. And you there’s two players in every game no matter what, whether it’s marriage, or, or even life. And in my mentor always told me that, you know, responsibility is rooted in the word, its ability to respond, you know, and it’s how you are in the team that you build around you helps you respond to anything. That’s awesome. But I love what we’re talking about. So what do you think your strengths are brother?

Unknown Speaker  9:01  

Well, so the one that I always go back to is that I have that mix of lived and learned experience. I have walked there, you know, I have a BA in psychology, I have more certificates than we have time to list right now. But all of that I think is is equal to the fact that I lived it right? I say this all the time. You know, I do a lot of work with some really intelligent people in the people with the PhD after their name and stuff like that. And what I love about them is they’ve got the theories, they’ve got the ideas that I will never have the same time. They don’t know what it feels like to go through withdrawal. They don’t know what it feels like to experience an overdose. And they shouldn’t want to right, right. But the fact is that that I can bring that to the table, and then my understanding of the Learn part. And together we can work on these things together. We can try to make this better that the fact is if you just have one or the other, you’re not hitting all your bases. And so that’s why I again, I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but it’s the collaboration Yeah, man and we can’t do this alone. I can’t do this alone. You can’t do this alone. We can only do this together,

Unknown Speaker  10:03  

dude. It’s so awesome how you build a team around recovery? That that’s that’s kick ass dude, I frickin love that you do that. So by your strengths, what do you appreciate? Appreciate about your strength you listen to them. But what do you appreciate about?

Unknown Speaker  10:15  

Well, so to what you’re just said, I think is a great answer there. A guy I admire named Johann Hari, who’s a writer said the opposite of addiction is not recovery, not sobriety, it’s connection. And so building that team is, in my opinion, the most important thing, and to me, that is the thing that i i hate tooting my own horn because again, we’re all in this together, but I have the ability to bring people together. That’s something that I that’s something Yes, connect being a connector is what I take a lot of pride in.

Unknown Speaker  10:45  

So did you say opposite of addiction is what it’s about sobriety is what connection? Love it, that this connect? That’s awesome. So let’s what extent you then appreciate your limitations?

Unknown Speaker  11:01  

Yeah, um, so I think that there’s, there is a piece of me, and this is something that I think too many of us struggle with, and I’m so conscious of this, is that I at times will not check my own ego, right? For me, right? A lot of us have this. But 2021, for me has been about realizing what I’m not good at perfect example. I’ve been saying for the last two years, I’ve been working with someone who’s like, You got to write the book, you gotta write the book, you gotta write the book. Like, I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it. And I never did it. And so finally, 2021, I approached a good friend of mine, who’s an incredible writer, and I said, Hey, man, will you work with me on this project? Right. And that was hard for me to do, because I wanted to do it myself. Like I do everything, you know. But I realized I couldn’t do that. And so working on that, it was one of my goals of 2021 Bro, ego

Unknown Speaker  11:48  

is huge. And I kind of have one and, and I’ve known it in and I get called, I have a really tight squad of people that will call me out. And I appreciate that know, what’s awesome, is that you’re writing a book. And the same thing with me, man, I’ve been a real estate broker for 21 years, or whatever. 1922 years is, till 1999. And it’s like, I never invented a thing in my life. I broke yourself into affiliate marketing. I have this podcast that bring awesome people like you. And so I’m writing a business parable right now, you know, and it’s been crazy man. And down here where I live, there’s like Bob Berg and Randy Gage, and all these people that wrote like the Go Giver, and, and what that are actually helped me out. So it’s awesome to build a community just like that. That’s fantastic. So if you’ve seen the movie, Back to the Future, of course, favorites, let’s get in that glory with Martin. Let’s go back to the double Deuce the 22 year old Jay Schiffman. What kind of knowledge nuggets? That’s what we call him your time to shine today? What kind of knowledge nuggets would you drop on 22 year old Jay to maybe help him shorten his learning curve level up and blast through?

Unknown Speaker  12:49  

I’ll tell you what, man, if I could have told myself anything that at that time, I would have said to myself, you’re not the problem. That’s why I gave up hope. That’s why I attempted suicide twice in two days was that I had decided that all these other people, their opinions matter more than my own, that my gut was not was not something I should listen to. And I gave up, I hope. And so if I could go back and tell myself at that age, hey, listen to yourself, trust yourself, this story would have gone a lot different. Right? You know,

Unknown Speaker  13:18  

it’s okay to get your asking here, you know, asking the people but the people around you, especially your support system, they’re kind of like the crabs, you know, like in a bucket where you’re trying to climb out, they’re pulling you down, giving you all of their version of empathy. But really, sometimes you need a swift kick in the claw, you know what I’m saying? To make it happen? But so how do you want your dash remembered, man, that little line in between your incarnation date, your expiration date, your life date, Duffin and your tune? Some? Hopefully it’s a long ways off, because you got man, but like, how do you want that? dashcam

Unknown Speaker  13:47  

I’ll tell you what it you know, is a little cliche. It’s the name of my company. It’s my hashtag, but he chose his struggle. That would be the the one is that I decided what I was going to dedicate my life to. I didn’t let my world or my life choose for me. And I worked every day for that struggle that that would, to me would be a life well lived.

Unknown Speaker  14:06  

Awesome. Dude, you just answered my next question. What’s your definition of life? Well, let’s but let’s go this way. Um, let’s get to that glory in this time with Doc Brown. You know, we’re going where we’re going. There are no, bro. All right, yeah. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Unknown Speaker  14:22  

Well, I’ll tell you what it to me what it would look like would be continuing to do the hands on work that I’m doing here in Philly. It’s what keeps me grounded. You know, doing this that is working with people who are currently struggling with substance misuse, or full blown addiction. I mean, this is what reminds me every single day why I do this. So continuing to do that is very important to me, but also on the on a on a bigger picture, helping end that stigma and helping promote honest and fact based education on these topics. Because you know, guys, I’m not that much younger than you. We didn’t get good education growing up, and that’s still happening, to change that we have to change that for future generations.

Unknown Speaker  15:00  

Have it you are making that change. That’s fantastic. So, Jay, what do people misunderstand about you the most?

Unknown Speaker  15:06  

I’ll tell you what, man I hate that this is the case. But but when I hear when people hear that I am you know, in recovery, you can almost see a little thing switch in their mind right and and even the people who come from a place of empathy, there’s still a little bit of pity with that empathy or there’s still a little bit of oh, well he made a mistake. And this can happen anyone you know, this this addiction is not a thing that just affects one person or another person. I came from a good family I came from means I am I was loved. I mean, there was no indicators like we like to think they’re all right, this can happen to anyone. I just wish people understood that more.

Unknown Speaker  15:44  

You’re so transparent so honest, man, we really appreciate that our squad grow because that’s one thing that I demand of anybody that I coach and also my I’m lucky to have a lot of subscribers I demand transparency. That’s what you’re being. That’s fantastic. So what keeps you up at night J.

Unknown Speaker  16:01  

Man so much. You know, the biggest thing honestly, again, is because I do work and in a hands on situation. As as grounding as incredible as that work is. It’s not easy. And seeing it firsthand, is there are times where I come home, just emotionally defeated. And I need some time just to kick back with my wife and our dog and just be because it is it is it’s soul crushing that time seeing the way that life has traded some of these people and so I would say that that’s the number one thing that I’m a good sleeper but but when something does keep me up at

Unknown Speaker  16:37  

night, it’s always seems like you give so much and I do the same. It’s like when you can’t maybe you can’t fix something. That’s what keeps me up. Do you know other than losing a loved one or something like that? Usually not? Does? You know, but if I can’t fix something, or help somebody through a search, that’s where you and I are like twins 15 years apart, but I’ll tell you right now, so let’s take out of the equation anything electronic like God, like cell phones, tablets, computers, laptops, whatever. What are three things that Jay can’t

Unknown Speaker  17:10  

live without? Man? Okay, so you said no electronics. Oh, leave out my record player. But you can bring the vinyl in baby. Oh, tell you what, man. After a day like I was just talking about kicking back and vinyl is pretty key. But I would say a good book number one. That is that is number one. You know my dog number two and puppy got man. Her name is Nellie. She’s three. She’s a setter of MCS and she’s just the best. So I would say that and then some kind of of, you know, activity that gets my mind. Check out for a while while whether I’m going for a run, or doing some mindfulness exercises, something like that. I mean, those are the three big key things for me

Unknown Speaker  17:55  

gotta have sabbaticals dude, I take 100% Well, man, and I’m surprised you left out chicken wings, man cuz that’s how I’m a snob, bro. Are you know what? Only cheese steak where you’re at, bro. I’ll tell you what, man

Unknown Speaker  18:08  

the wings for lunch tomorrow so that maybe that’d be number four. I’m with you right there.

Unknown Speaker  18:12  

It’s funny. It’s like you live in Philly. And I was stationed in Philly for I don’t know minute when I was in the Navy doing we actually to dive in the Delaware River which I’ll never do that again. But you know, it’s funny like I got introduced this Tuesday. So I live in Florida here in Jupiter. It’s a huge i 95 Corridor comes down here. So we got like two restaurants that compete here. And they hate each other. Their families can’t stand each other so you got cheesesteaks bro like legit from the frickin carts from Philly dude, it’s it’s fantastic. I don’t know why I brought it up. Maybe I’ll have that for lunch. I don’t know your time to shine did a podcast varsity squad. We are back with my guy Jay Schiffman who is just leveled me up for the past 1517 minutes man the guy we’re transparent. We’re 15 years apart in age but we’ve seemed to block a lot of the same paths and the world is blessed to have a guy like Jay walking in it right now helping people level up and Jay. We’re gonna take you through a leveling up lightning round you and I could talk an hour about each one of these questions but you got five seconds with no explanation. You ready to rock? Let’s do it. All right, here we go. Let’s level up. What is the best leveling up advice Jays ever received?

Unknown Speaker  19:21  

Oh, don’t let fear our fear is never a good reason not to do something.

Unknown Speaker  19:25  

Love it. Sure one of your personal habits contributes to your success.

Unknown Speaker  19:29  

The daily check in it’s a mindfulness technique, it helps clear out my subconscious and keep me going

Unknown Speaker  19:33  

beautiful. Other than your own websites, because you got a lot of them. Okay, little spots and also time to shine today.com Shameless plug, what website does Jay go to to level up?

Unknown Speaker  19:45  

Well, I’ll tell you what my newest thing is I’m teaching myself ukulele. So I’m you I’m on a lot of ukulele websites, figuring out different maps and and I love it.

Unknown Speaker  19:53  

Love it. If you see me walking down the street, Ferguson looks like he’s in his doldrums. I guess To get Fergie a book man, what is

Unknown Speaker  20:01  

it? Oh, to get out of your doldrums Man, what a great question I would probably go with in the realm of hungry ghosts by Gabor Ma Tei

Unknown Speaker  20:11  

got it put in the show notes from awesome. Your most commonly used emoji.

Unknown Speaker  20:16  

The crying laughing guy

Unknown Speaker  20:17  

love it New Year’s resolution

Unknown Speaker  20:20  

next year it’s gonna be continuing working on my business and continuing check in my own ego.

Unknown Speaker  20:25  

Love it chess or checkers.

Unknown Speaker  20:28  

checkers, me to

Unknown Speaker  20:32  

favorite charity and organization like to give your time or money to.

Unknown Speaker  20:36  

So here in Philly, it’s called savage sisters. I’m on the board. We do outreach and recovery housing.

Unknown Speaker  20:41  

Beautiful. Thank you for doing that. Last question. You can elaborate a little bit on this one. But what is the bus ducky to music? Jay 6070s 80s or 90s? Oh, wow, whatever it

Unknown Speaker  20:50  

question. So I would say it’s either the 60s come a big Beatles guy, or 90s. The early days of hip hop is unparalleled, bro when you

Unknown Speaker  20:59  

come to South Florida, which I’m going to get you down here. Okay, I’m going to set up some speaking events here, bro. Like you and I like I have a vinyl record player. I want to get out and get it. They gave a vinyl record player over here. It works through Bluetooth. It’s really weird, but it plays my vinyls in my first record anytime when I’m stressed as meet the Beatles. I’m not even lying to you, bro. I just throw that on opens up. Hold your hand and just like Dude, that’s awesome, man. So, Jay, if you’re finished writing this book yet? Mine Yeah,

Unknown Speaker  21:30  

I the first draft is done. But we’re editing right now.

Unknown Speaker  21:32  

Beautiful. Can’t wait to get my hands on that. And how can we find your brother?

Unknown Speaker  21:37  

You can check me out at Jay Schiffman calm or choose your struggle calm. Love

Unknown Speaker  21:41  

it. Love it and leave us if you don’t mind with you a whole lot. So you mentioned fear my question number two, what’s your acronym for fear? My acronym? Yeah. Cuz everyone’s like, false evidence appearing real?

Unknown Speaker  21:55  

Oh, I see what you’re saying? Um, that’s a great question. You know, I’ll say this. I don’t have a good answer. Because I do my best after getting that advice. And so much time thinking about it right? You know, instead dive into what the fear might be telling me that for me is more important.

Unknown Speaker  22:12  

I love it. My acronym for fear is FBA our face everything and respond. That’s my jam. Anyways, but leave us with one last Knowledge Nugget. If you don’t mind, we can take with us internalize and take action.

Unknown Speaker  22:25  

I’ll tell you this. There’s one thing I say whenever I speak whenever I’m asked to be interviewed, and that is please reach out. I was I did the stupidest thing you can do. And that is I attempted to take my own life twice. I did that because I truly felt that there wasn’t anyone there who wanted me to reach out to them wanted to be around. And I say this whenever I’m interviewed if you truly think that you’re wrong, but at the same time I get it again, I was there to please reach out to me. Tell me you heard me with Scott. And I’ll tell you this, I’ll give you a code word because saying I need help us really hard. Say instead I heard you, Scott and I have a question. Or there’s something I wanted to ask you about. I’ll know what that means. I’ll say great. Let’s get on Zoom. Let’s get on the phone. Whenever you’re ready. Let’s have a chat. And I’ll be there to hear you. Because as those of us who do this have a saying we’d rather spend two hours listening to you today than two hours at your funeral tomorrow. Love these regions.

Unknown Speaker  23:14  

Yeah, you know, my little brother took us life man, he was 10 years younger than me. But so I kind of raised them in a sense. And Matt is this I wish he had someone like you to call brother and and squad guy that went from not misdiagnosed to an overdose almost taken his life, man. You know, this is a guy that’s walked the path that I want to introduce the people out there that have that are struggling right now. You know, you know, send a question to me to say question or ask you about and we’ll get you over to Jay. You know, he’s a speaker, a storyteller and a consultant. You know, he works with people, he’s a catalog, right horse for every course if he can’t help you, though, he’s going to put you with somebody that can just because he can’t, he’s very empathetic. And he’s also a connector. He just reminds me so much man, he will tell you vulnerability, vulnerability, vulnerability, because vulnerability and apathy begets apathy. So come from a place of empathy. People need that he believes in communal conversations. He wants you to learn how to tell your story in the right way. Embrace that story. In your truth. You’ll even reminds us of the opposite of addiction is connection. So it’s not really sobriety, it’s connection. It’s getting connected with the people in the feelings that are going to help you level up. You tell him to his younger self, he wants you to tell yourself you are not the problem. Your opinion matters, your hunch matters, your intuition matters. And again, reach out to Jay. If I reach out to me if you’re close with me and my squad. Let me put you in touch with Jake. You know, he can remember to some of that. You know he he chose his struggles in a sense, but he’s going to slide across home plate to be bumped bruised Rashed but he’s going to come out knowing that he helped us many people that may be diagnosed that went through an overdose and whatnot too. Really level up, he levels up his healthy levels up as well. He’s earned his varsity letter here at the time to shine today varsity squad. Thank you so much for coming on Jay. I can’t wait to collaborate with you in the future Brian.

Unknown Speaker  25:10  

Thanks so much for having me. Man. This was a lot of fun. Awesome brother

Unknown Speaker  25:13  

chat soon. Love your guts. Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. proudly brought to you by Sutter in New Jersey real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on top to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com Flash gust. If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see our recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine

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