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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Please introduce yourself to the time to shine today, podcasts varsity squad. But first, what’s your favorite color? And why?

I would say probably blue. It just seems like a positive color to me. I guess. There you go. I don’t know why.

Epsom salt thing over here in Florida called the oceans in my face. Yeah. Seriously, man, thanks for coming on brother is such a small world and dropping names that we both know. It’s just fantastic, man. And so can you give us a little bit about because you’re a high level athlete? Can we kind of start with your story there and moving forward and how you’re helping people that maybe that are stuck and help them level up?

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I played sports growing up and ultimately soccer became my best sport and went to go on and play in college. I started at a small liberal arts college and then I transferred University Wisconsin because I wanted in Madison, because I wanted to play division one, I thought it would my ultimate dream was to play professionally, which was much different back then because I’m you know, 52. So professional soccer was different than it is now. But ended up being able to do that I got drafted. And then I played for three years, I played a couple years in Milwaukee and then I played a year in Portland, Oregon, and then figured out that that’s probably not how I was going to make my career. I turned in to a little bit more of a business guy entrepreneur sales guy was in the staffing and recruiting industry ultimately was with a big staffing company, Robert, half International, and I broke off from there and started my own company, which was the my kind of first step into trying to be an entrepreneur. And ultimately, I failed a couple times at that. And then and then in the long run succeeded. During that time, I was spending a lot of time working with people who were struggling different things, mental health, addiction and all that type of stuff. And my wife came to me one day and said, Hey, listen, Derek, you’re not I had started another company and this company was actually doing well. And my wife said, Look, you come home every night and you talk to all these people who are struggling with things and you’re reaching out to people and talking to friends. She’s like, you need to go do that. That’s what you really care about. And so, which I was scared to do, I didn’t want to do it because my business was going well. I was finally having some success on the on the business side and but my wife’s smart woman and and I guess I was a smart guy for listening to her. So I went and did that. So I went back and got my masters in my mid 30s A total career change. I went from a business owner to a successful business owner to to being back in grad school. So I’m the oldest guy in grad school ultimately graduate from there but I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to be a therapist. I wanted to work with people individually. And specifically people with CO occurring disorders are dual dual diagnosis meaning that A combination of substance abuse and mental health or a combination of any of those two things. But it’s that was the area that I was really interested in was the Substance Abuse and Mental Health combo. So you know, somebody who’s an alcoholic who’s got, you know, clinical depression or you know, something along those lines was what I was interested in. I got an internship with Millennium counseling, when I first started, so I was an intern with the place I am now kind of worked my way up there. It’s a it’s a medium sized, you know, 15 people kind of worked my way up about five years ago, I took over as executive director, and then three years ago, myself and another guy bought out the founder, woman, a man Foster, who’s amazing. And we, we worked out a really good deal with her. So we were able to take over the business, she was able to retire. And in the now I’m just, you know, I spent time running our group practice, but most of what I do is working as a therapist, that’s most of the work that I do. I’m, you know, very tightly scheduled with a lot of people on a day to day basis. So we spend a little less time running the business and more time, you know, kind of working with people individually, but the truth is, that’s what I love. So I love it the way we have it setup.

I love it. It what was the trigger? Then that said, you know, use your real quickly, what kind of business did you have that you that you shut down?

It recruiting and staffing had? Okay,

good. That’s right. You said that. Okay. So what was the trigger? Then that said, you know, I understand your wife kind of kind of gave you the push for but what was the trigger that you were coming home? Helping people talking to people that needed it? What really triggered that part of your, of your caring?

Yeah, I mean, I can give you the the vague answer, or the real answer. But the vague answer is I was going through some of my own stuff, the real, the real answer is is, is I got sober. And so I got sober 18 years ago, and, you know, had had a guy who could kind of do whatever I wanted to do, I was able to control everything. And then when it came to this one area of my life, I wasn’t able to do it. So I went in, when got sober. And after getting sober, I was working with other people who were in, you know, recovery. And so I felt like, I saw what a difference it made in my own life and how much better life got for me. And I felt like I could help other people do that and see that. And so that was kind of my dream, I felt like I had this little secret that I needed to share.

That is awesome. That comes straight from the heart. So it’s genuine. And you wake up every day with that passion and persistence and wants to move forward and help out people out. So do you do a lot of I heard you say you talk group, but you do do one on one counseling as well.

We do. Yeah, in fact, most of what we do is one on one, we do have some group, some groups. But the most of what I do is one on one. And in you know, we’ve talked about, we’ve got this intensive program, which we’ll talk about at some point. But I think that’s that was the you know, that was kind of the thing that that excited me was just an opportunity to kind of treat people as individuals, I think one of the thing is, is that we all react to different things, things are important, you know, something that’s important to me, or would be meaningful to me may not be to you. And I think the key to really trying to help people is is getting to know them well enough to figure out what that is, as opposed to just giving them a bike bunch of psychoeducation. And hope that that sticks, you know,

I love it. So that means you’re listening, which is fantastic. So when someone comes to you, maybe your discovery period to make sure millennium is a good fit for them is there, what part of maybe your secret sauce is there to maybe help them initially start to find their blind spots.

Here’s the hardest thing I think we have to do is we have to, you know, if somebody comes to me, and they’re trying to make changes in their life, the single hardest thing they need to do is trust that what I’m telling them is that is the truth. And so if they can trust that for the short run, that I know, they’ll see that in the long run. And what I mean by trust is, is just having faith, that life will get better that things will get better if you change the way you’re living it, you know, if something’s not working, then we need to change that. And I think that I, you know, I will kind of lay out to them what I believe things will look like if they continue to you know, kind of work at those things. But in the beginning, they’re just you know, you’re, you’re somebody they just met, and so they have to trust you and believe you and so I think that the most important part is being able to connect with people initially, and just have that kind of initial connection so that they have that they’re even open to to having faith in what you’re saying or believed in, you know what you’re saying because, like, the secret that I know is if they do that they’re like will get better 100% of the time, their life is gonna get better not because of some secret I have, but just because we know that if you work at something, it’s going to help change things. And so I just need to keep them engaged long enough till they can see it themselves. And they start to see kind of the thing I refer to as kind of personal historical data. So the you know, so that basically they start building their own data on their own lives instead of me talking about what has happened with other people or what they are medically could happen or what the ideas would be? I love

it. That’s a very fun way of saying facts without getting into numbers and boring the shit out of people that that’s fantastic there. So when you’re maybe in this discovery period, is there any good question that you wish they would ask you, but never do?

Let’s see any I mean, there’s, I guess a lot of good questions. But I, I would if I were sitting in the other seat, I would say, Well, you know, how are you going to help me what, you know, what’s, what’s that going to look like? That would be my question. The, you know, a lot of people have different ideas about that. But if I was going to go and spend the time and effort to try to change my life, I would, you know, really want to know, you know, what are we going to do? And how are we going to get there?

Love it. So if I’m out, networking or anybody else, that’s your that’s out. Networking presents the flesh meaning so people, what kind of things am I listening for, from people that might make them a good referral contact or connection from millennium?

mean, we’ve got a kind of a wide range of therapists who specialize in different things. So we kind of cover the group, I mean, one thing that’s a little bit different about us is that in the substance abuse world, we also do mental health, we’re not strictly substance abuse. So we work with mood disorders, and, and you know, kind of anxiety, depression, all those types of things. And so, I just think that if somebody feels like they want to make a change in their life, and they don’t really understand why, you know, that basically, if life isn’t going well, and you don’t, you’re not exactly sure why that is, and you want to explore that, I just think that one of the greatest things about human beings is that we can change, we wake up every day, and we have the opportunity to, you know, to be who we want to be. And so I think a lot of times we get stuck in this idea that, you know, kind of this, this idea that people never change, or I am who I am, or you know, things like that, which I think is brutal. Because, you know, if I would have stayed who I was, I’d be dead.

Right? Right, me too, to be honest with my demons as well. So how about with people that are already doing well, but maybe need that little push? Or they have that problem? Maybe substance abuse or mental therapy? Are they also a good referral for you as well, where they maybe they’re doing well, you know, they’re high level.

And there’s lots of people do really well that we see there are people who, you know, from the outside are highly functioning and, you know, have have healthy relationships and, and great jobs, and but usually it’s about, that’s about their ability to be able to kind of, kind of, I guess, situate everything in their own minds, I mean, everything. And that’s one of the things that people get frustrated about that they everything looks great on paper, but then why do I still on a scale of one to 10? Why does Why does life feel like a six to me?

Thank you for saying that, man. Because there’s people that have did it or doing it? And like you said, on the surface on the paper, that’s Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. So what do you believe your your strengths are?

As I mentioned before, I think I connect with people, I also think that, personally, I’ve been through a lot of stuff. And so I can relate, even if it’s not the exact same story, but I can relate to what they’ve gone through. I’ve had some really tough parts of my life and realize that we can come out the other side, I think the other thing is, is that I, at least this is something I tried to be and I believe I am is I’m very non judgmental, when somebody tells me something about what’s ever going on in their life. And part of that, if I’m being honest, is because I don’t feel like I have any room to judge for the way that I live. Right, like, so why to judge somebody else. And I think people hear that, I think the other thing is, is that I’m really, really passionate and compassionate about the people I’m working with. And I will I will jump over the highest structures, I combined to help people and I think that that’s I think people understand that when they get to know me a little bit, they realize that, that I will work as in this one, I always say to people, listen, I’ll work as hard as you do. I’m not going to work any harder. But whatever level you can go to, then I will equal that and I will match that. And you know, for those who are willing to put in the work, the outcomes are, you know, almost always great and beautiful

man that that’s exactly what I kind of wanted to hear. So there if you seen the movie Back to the Future. Oh yeah. Okay, let’s get that glory with Marty McFly. Let’s go back to the double Deuce and 22 year old Derrick, Bill smoke, what kind of knowledge nuggets we call them here at Townshend today? What kind of knowledge nuggets would you be dropping on? The 22 year old Derrick maybe help them that’s so much changed anything but to level up last through maybe shorten that learning curve a little bit?

You know, I think I understood the value of working hard and kind of pushing through things. I think that sometimes that that kind of I moved into the area of kind of a feeling of invincibility, and that things would always work out, I had things did work out a lot for me when I was younger, I would make decisions and it would seem like it was, you know, a brilliant decision. And I think, you know, half the time, it was just luck that I got on the right path. But I do think that there was a, you know, I would probably make sure that I worked on humility and helped 22 year old Derek understand what humility is. But also the fact that we are, none of us are invincible. There’s things that can take all of us down, and we just need to make sure it doesn’t mean you need to run around scared of them or worry all the time. It just means we need to be aware of them and realize that, you know, my dad told me something when I was a kid that I think is great. And it’s been helpful for me. My whole life is he said, Derek, you know, however, however great you are at anything, remember, there’s always somebody better. And he said, however bad you are, remember, there’s always somebody worse. And he said, I just don’t ever want you to think you’re number one in the world. But I also don’t ever want you to think you’re last in the world, we’re all in the middle somewhere, just depends where

I love that I live. And I actually coach that as well like, the the plus equal minus formula where every day I try to find somebody who’s better than me at something, and learn from them. And then I find an equal and then we share with each other and then some that is on their way up. I share with them. And that to me that makes a perfect day for me. You know, that’s fantastic. So how do you want your dash? Remember that little line in between your incarnation date, your expiration date? Hopefully it’s a long ways down the road, but your life thing? Definitely. How do you want Derek stash remember?

Probably a loving person to the people around me, my wife and my daughter and my, you know, parents and sister and somebody who dedicated their life to trying to help other people figure out the things that that we can understand so that life is just that much better. I

love it. And so what do you think people misunderstand the most bugger? Hmm,

maybe that I struggle less than I do. I think that. And, you know, to be fair life is, you know, I would say that overall life is very good for me. But I think that sometimes people think things come easily. And I don’t think that’s the case. I think that things are hard for me just like they are for anybody else. And we kind of have to work through these things. I think sometimes people believe that, you know, kind of, kind of the way that I I was when I was 22 Is that things just seemed to work out for me. And that’s not always the case.

Right? You got to kind of feel like when you’re younger and I was the same way, you know, being in the military and then coming back after what I seen and did and it’s like I thought I had the King Midas Touch and stuff everyone you know, I wear everything I touched turned to gold and you get that one wake up call. Right? So what if anything, keeps Derek up at night?

I don’t sleep much. So I wouldn’t say much keeps me up at night. I just am at night. But as far as, as far as things I worry about would be about people. It’s not about things or money or things like that. It’s just about about people and trying to make sure that the people that I care about are doing okay. But I do. I don’t find a lot of value in worrying. I’m not sure that I will happily take action if there’s something I’m worried about. But I challenged myself constantly that that worry to me is just something that gives me that helps me believe I’m doing something when I’m really not. And so I will challenge myself. Alright, so wrong. Yeah, yeah.

Don’t worry. Has you believe something? Has you? Wait, we’ll say that again? What did you say about worrying? Well,

it just has you believe that you’re you’re taking action because you’re you’re not just doing nothing you’re worrying about it. So it must be important to you. And I challenge myself to say no, you don’t get to worry. You either take action, or you accept it but just sitting around and worrying about it is not helping me get anywhere.

Yeah, it’s true. Yeah, never that I just that’s a mind bomb knowledge. No, you’re right there because worried is actually an action. That’s fantastic. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for dropping that on the squad brother. So let’s take out of the equation any family electronic devices you know, like your we’re not gonna say iPhone or iPad, whatever. What are three things that Derek can’t live without

competition. Love it. Passion, and energy.

That’s beautiful. Love it and they all have to come together. That’s beautiful. So what is your definition of a life well lived?

I think that so it’s funny because there’s this is something I talk with people a lot but I think that it’s it’s our understanding of what life is versus what factually is what life is and what I mean by that is and there’s a much longer version of the story, but I’ll tell a quick is I, I made friends with this homeless guy years ago. And, and he was very, very positive guy. So I had a friend of mine who on paper was super successful, everything was great for him. And, and so, but the difference in talking to the two guys was amazing the homeless guy was always up and happy and the other guy was always complaining about what wasn’t going right. And so I asked the homeless guy on a scale of one to 10 What is life? And he thought about it for a minute and he said eight. And then I asked the guy who looked great on paper, and you know, he was he was very wealthy. I knew his wife, she was awesome. He had two great kids. And I asked him what his life and he said seven. And so the question I always ask people is Who would you rather be? And my answer to that. So to get to your question, my answer is, is that I’d rather be the guy that thinks life is an eight, when it’s really a three than the guy who thinks life is a seven when it’s really a nine. Does that make sense?

Yeah, the facts for what is life versus the fact that’s that’s, I’ve never even thought about that. That’s another knowledge bomb, dude. Wow. Hey, time to shine today podcast versus while we were back and Derek, you and I can easily we might want a talk 3040 minutes on each one of these questions. But you got five seconds with no explanation. So you’re gonna put that athlete high level athlete hat on right now. You’re gonna answer these quickly for me all right, brother. All right, here we go. What is the best leveling up advice? The Dirks have received.

Find your passion and be great at it. You can make a career out of it.

Sure. One of your personal habits contributes to success. Energy of it. So you see me walking down the street. And you’re like, Fergie looks like he’s in his doldrums. You know, what book? Might you hear me?

Drive by Daniel Pink.

Love it. What’s your most commonly used emoji via text?

I don’t use emojis. You sent me a smiley face.

Gotcha. And don’t lie to me on this one. builds me up. But if you can be one age, physically, for the rest of your life, keep the knowledge you’ve garnered and continue to gain wisdom. What age physically would you stay for the rest of your life? 25 Thank you for putting a two or three on the front. Beautiful blue. Beautiful nicknames growing up. Tricky. D really love that. Just checkers or monopoly? Yes. Beautiful. What’s your go to flavor for ice cream?

Hmm, some sort of caramel.

Beautiful. There’s a sandwich called the Bylsma. What’s on that sandwich?

Turkey, a bunch of vegetables and probably some sort of ranch flavored dressing

feeds. So you got to time she got access to a time machine. For one day? Would you go 20 years in the future? Or 20 Or 30 years in the past just to hang out for one day? Past mass me to actually I love it. Love. Ya Allah.

We already gone to the future. I think my

favorite charity and organization like to give your time or money to

urban initiatives in Chicago.

Beautiful, beautiful. You can you can elaborate a little bit on this one last question. What’s the bus day good music 60s 70s 80s or 90s 90s?

You know, I was a guy grew up around a lot of different types of music and especially, you know, in Michigan, a lot of hip hop and rap and stuff like that. So yeah, that’s that’s kind of the the area I still connect to.

Beautiful, beautiful. Now, you mentioned briefly about a program that you guys have there like to really kind of talk about that what’s going on at Millennium? And what’s your offer?

Sure, yeah, we. And I think that this is this was also probably the thing that I’ve been most passionate about, is when I had gone through my own journey of recovery and treatment and all that kind of stuff. Then I saw that, you know, there’s a lot of people that we would hear people who had gone through different programs and things like that, and they would have one kind of common complaint. And they would say I don’t get enough individual attention, right. It’s everything. I feel like I’m just a number and I’m in a group. And so we started an intensive recovery program, which is similar to an intensive outpatient program, where it’s based around almost all individual one on one counseling at an intensive level. So 10 hours a week of straight sessions. And then we also have daily check ins, we’re in touch with people two to three times a day. Mostly we use that for the Wii, most treatment centers will use this as a step down program for their folks. So they’ll be in a residential treatment center, they’ll come back to Chicago, and then they know they’re going to spend, you know, we’ll be talking to them for 10 or 15 hours a week as they’re trying to get re acclimated to their life. So I think that that’s something that people hadn’t really done. They hadn’t put such a, an emphasis on the individual work. The outcomes have been amazing. The treatment centers love it. And I would say that the People who have gone through our program, just love it because they feel like it’s different. And particularly for those who have been through other programs and felt like they didn’t get what they want, you know, I think the combination of the individual attention, the accountability, and our help, helping them to kind of get to a place of acceptance really helps people if they’re willing to do the work. And that’s what I always tell people, when they’re talking to me about our program, I say, Listen, if you really want to get better, then you will absolutely love us, you will not find anybody who will work harder, or will try more to help you. But if you just want to check a box to tell somebody that you went to treatment afterwards, were the wrong place. Because it’s too much attention, we’re too close to you, you know, you’ll hate it, you’ll feel smothered, if you don’t want to do the work.

I love that you say that. So are you guy, smothered. If you’re not down, like you can lead a horse to water all the time. I love it. So are you guys nationwide are mainly in Chicago.

We’re in Chicago. And so the way that licensing is works with therapists is you have to be in state. However we are, we’re in the process of looking in some other states, a lot of the people that we work with the treatment centers have requested that we are available in their area. And so I think we’ll be particularly for this program I talked about we should be you know, in the next year, I would say we’ll have several other areas that will be open to it. And now with teletherapy you know, you can you can the city is still important, but the state is you know, you can work with people all over the state of us teletherapy. So

a lot, love, love, love that. So do me a favor and leave us with one last Knowledge Nugget we can take with us internalize and take action.

I would just say the importance of perspective and gratitude. I think that, that we get too caught up in what is and don’t spend enough time figuring out what our perception of those things are. And you can take the same situation and you can look at it in different ways. And I’m not talking about false positivity, I’m talking about being able to really step back and look at something from a different angle, and be able to to kind of see how it works. And then also, you know, the way I define Gratitude is the percentage of time that I’m feeling grateful for the things I have in my life and the percentage of time I’m thinking about the things I want to change we need both we need to want to change things in our life and we need to be grateful for the things we have. But for me if I’m spending 70% of the time being grateful and 30% of time thinking about what I need to change and what could be better than that’s the right balance for me we are balanced but that word Thank

you. Thank you for saying that brother because you know my clients that use a gratitude sandwich every day is required to them and what it is is I have they set their the first line they set their intention for the day okay second line is what you worried about man what do you want to change what what bank account low business low leaves low whatever you’re talking about, and then they have to list 13 things underneath it that they’re grateful for. I don’t care if it’s gravity, it’s stuff that they’re grateful for. And the 14th is a love letter to yourself the 14th thing is like Scott, you’re doing great today. You know you’re smiling you’re making people smile and I tell myself every day and my clients I have to it’s required them to tell themselves I love you know it’s part of it. So the reason why it’s a sandwich is the top is the intention the bottom is the gratitude and the love letter, and that middle gets squeezed out in the gratitude sandwich every day. No, you just said it in the basically the exact same way in squad we’ve literally got a fantastic masterclass. And I have notes upon notes from my good friend here and kind of a homeboy, you know, Derek Bylsma, you know, he says treat people as individuals, people attach different meanings to things and a great therapist will treat them as individuals and not just put them into a cookie cutter, you know, program. You know, he wants you to trust your therapist in the short run, because in the long run, you’re going to see results. So inch by inch, it’s a cinch by the yard, it’s hard to trust your therapist, to take you through, you know, you’re gonna if you’re starting to work with therapists, don’t be afraid to blindly ask him how are you going to help me What’s what is that plan? You know, if you are passionate, Derek is known as someone that’s passionate and compassionate. So he sees through empathetic eyes as well as taking action to level up you know, he therapists you want them to work as hard as you do. So remember you as the patient that is being leveled up is got to put in the work and be able to put in the RAPs in have the grit that mountain that madness, madness, you activity that I always talk about the grit is you’ve got to stay the course that your therapist puts you on. You know, he’s a loving person who loves his family, his wife, his daughter, you someone that’s going to slide into home plate bumped and bruised, but knowing that he’s left the world a better place Derek is actively planting trees that he probably will never sit in the shade in. And I love strategically aligning with people like that. You know if you’re persistent If you have a passion, go do it. Be great at it. Okay. And then just remember, like Derek ended with the importance of perspective and gratitude, you have to see things as they are, and have that balance of hey, there’s shit to worry about. We can worry about that but have gratitude it like Derek said a 70 30% split is actually pretty damn good. And I love that he kind of put it out there that it’s okay to have things wrong. But make sure you’re grateful for what you have. Right and Derek you not that you need another one. But you’re in your varsity letter here at time to shine today. Thank you so much for coming on. You level up your health, you level up your wealth. You’re humble yet you’re hungry. You perfect for our slot here. So thank you so much, brother. I love your guts.

Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. A lot of fun and keep going keep doing the great stuff you’re doing. Thanks, Derek.

I’ll talk to you soon, brother. Sounds good. Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. proudly brought to you by Southern New Jersey real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on top to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com Flash guest. If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see a recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends how to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine

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