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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

And Kim, thank you so much for coming on. Please introduce yourself the time to shine today podcast for our sweet spot. But first Kim, what’s your favorite color? And why?

Purple? I think I think we share the same color the same color. I have always my entire life purple has been my color. It’s yeah, I’m not sure why but it’s a special color.

It’s it’s regal. I mean, if you look in the book of Numbers and whatnot, you get in there and every the cloths and everything is is kind of royal regal and whatnot. Plus, it’s a mesh between, you know, red and blue. So you can have that nice, cool blue side. But I’m sure being a mother and raising children. You got that red side to come out every once in a while as well. It’s in your color wheel. So that’s fantastic. So let’s let’s kind of get into the origins maybe a little bit the roots of Kim and kind of where we started where we kind of came through and it also into authoring the book.

Yeah, yeah. Well, sure. Yeah. So I I didn’t come about this on purpose. I guess. I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. And four months later, my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Oh my gosh, passed away six weeks later. And so it was crazy, right? I mean, you never want to hear the cancer word once but to hear it twice in four months. And my husband was wonderful. We had a great marriage. It was great. We had five kids and got these a love and grandkids now and most of them never got to meet my my husband who was wonderful. I was 47 years old. Never expected to be single at 47 Never expected to be alone. We’re going to be that couple on rockers, you know on the front porch drinking lemonade and our 90s You know, whatever smiling at each other whatever it is people do in their 90s and so it shocked my world. It rocked everything that I thought was gonna happen with my future. And it really made me question love, the true meaning of love and being a Christian, you know, that John says God is love. Not that God loves but God is love. So love is something you are. So love isn’t an emotion or just a word you throw around or something that’s only between couples or whatever people think of love is but it’s something you are it’s living breathing. walking, talking God is love. So what does that even mean? Like, what does that even mean? And I just questioned love because Did I do it right with my husband? Am I doing it right in general? Am I being loved to other people I might, I figure if you are loved, if you can be loved to other people, you are being as close to the way God wants you to be as humanly possible. So I decided, Okay, I’m gonna figure this out. I’m gonna figure out love the true meaning of love. And so I took first Corinthians 13, I heard a lot of weddings, your eyes glaze over, because we hear it so often, right? Love is patient love is kind does not envy does not boast, etc. Yeah, I took one word a month to figure out what is love that is patient, what is love? That is kind. And I was mostly in Haiti when I was doing it. And holy cow, my world changed. And I really believe I now know what love really is. And I also believe we get it wrong.

Oh, get it wrong. How can?

Oh, well, I think we’ve one way is we put numbers on love. Like you go to a premarital counseling or something. And people will say, Well, you know, it’s 5050 or it’s 100 100. You know, well, there’s no number to love. Love and numbers don’t go together. Love is love period. And love is a one way street, not a two way street. Love is on you. And you give love period. If you give love to get love back then it’s not love, then you’re doing something to get something. Do that. Right,

right? Absolutely. It I love. I love it. I just say I love that you kind of bring that up because you know, I make two new year’s resolutions every year. One is to make someone smile every day. And that see I won? Yay. Well, my day in that’s an I don’t expect a smile back here on the east coast of South Florida. We get a lot of Boston, New York, Philly, nothing against the people, but they’re edgier. And I just smile and he just might be like, what’s your problem, but I I understand that I’m giving and not accept it looking to be reciprocated towards. Right. And I love that you put that out there that love just is. It’s just it’s it’s almost static, in a sense, right? Where it’s just like it exists and either you believe in it as all being or not. And that’s what I kind of got from reading the first part of your book. I’m sorry, I didn’t get through the whole thing yet. But it’s beautiful. So when it comes to love Kim is what do you find? would pee people’s biggest blind spot to love?

I would say the biggest blind spot is that I really believe that you’re supposed to love everybody. Yes, you should. You should love everybody doesn’t mean you got to like them. Right? love everybody. Right? And with love. There is acceptance there, it’s unconditional. There is no room for discrimination. There is no room for condemnation, judgment are out the window, you let people be who they are, you realize that you have control over nobody but yourself. Only you have control of it, you have control of an infant for a short time. And then that infant becomes a toddler and you realize you have lost all control, right? And you no longer have control. And how many times I am guilty of trying to fix somebody, you know, giving unsolicited advice and thinking that I know better. So I’m going to tell you, for you, if you just did this, your life would be so much easier. Well, it’s not up to me, you know, for your own choices. And our individuals and people are people all over the world. And to really appreciate people for who they are like every day we live leads us to today. And we have not walked in anybody’s shoes but our own. So we don’t know what makes people the way they are today. Right? To appreciate it, to understand that that’s the truth. And then let people live who they believe they’re created to live. Yes, ma’am. And stop putting labels on people, you know, stop calling them up by their political party or calling them by any other name, but the one that their parents gave them beautiful, you know, when we label people, we we automatically think things about them, right? Medically make assumptions and well, there’s this so they must be that. And most of the time, it’s not true, right? Stop and talk to people and you’ll find out you’ll learn a whole lot about him.

Right and I love that with my coaching clients is that I don’t take a niche like I coach everybody that I’ve been blessed to have just fantastic clients. But I just I’m more interested in their story than telling them mine. And when I am that’s my version of kind of love is because one i selfishly get to learn from them. But at the same time if there’s any Opening, if you will, to help them through, you know, getting them because within the person resides the problem, but then within the person resides in the solution as well. And they all have that. I just think that if you come at a person, I don’t mean to say that aggressively, but come at the person is a form of love, then so many things can be, again, like you said, Take labels off, take discrimination off and just really have that conversation and love is present. I love I love that you just that’s the way you said it. So do you work with people within coaching that for a little bit more love? Or what is your business? I guess kind of set up?

Yeah, yeah, I do. Work with couples, but it was even to really learn about love. i There’s groups that are using my book, like in small group really? Yeah, yeah. Even in companies, businesses. Yeah. As you know, love is universal. And it’s everywhere. And it changes everything. And there are people that have problems with their co workers, or they’ve got problems with their boss, or they have, you know, issues at work, or they’ve got issues with their moms group, or they’ve got issues with whatever. And it brings on happiness because of these issues. Well, if you really understand love those issues go away. Because the issues that you have are because you’re judging somebody for what they’re doing. Right, right, right. Oh, you take that away in your issues go away.

And I love that you say that. It’s like, I live in the biggest class house that you’ll ever see. You don’t say I’m not, you know, throwing that stone ever. First, you know, I will protect my house, but I’m not doing it. But I’m not gonna lie to you and say I wasn’t the biggest narcissist before in my life. I’m a recovering narcissists, which once I implemented love into my life the right way. And my story is kind of crazy. And I understand why I was, but it’s not who I am now. And I think the reading your book and get people to understand love, and understand that there’s an abundance of a lot of, there’s everywhere at all times. And that’s, that’s beautiful. Another thing he says, you just can’t see it. But I truly believe that it’s a sin not to love and I don’t mean a sin and a religious connotation. I’ve mean, it as you know, the Greek word, the Greek root word of sin is Cindy, which means missing the mark. Right? And I just really believe that, if you’re not loving, you’re missing the mark in life. And I and I think that we probably agree with that, right?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

Love it. So when you’re working with somebody, whether it’s couples are some that come up to you to level up their love. Is there any good question? Maybe during the discovery period? Any good question that you wish they would ask you, but never do?

You know, I think a lot of it comes down to communication. And with everything, you know how important communication is, but man do we suck at it sometimes, like we can be so bad at it. And a couple can be disagreeing about something little usually disagreements aren’t big deals, right? And then expands it grows, it grows. And pretty soon your blood pressure’s up and your heart’s racing and, man, you’re throwing your arms around, you’re really into it. And then somebody says they’re sorry, but you are so elevated, you’re both so elevated that you say, well, that’s fine. But remember last week when you did and remember two years ago when you did right, right. You know, you’re not listening anymore. You’re not really communicating. Communication is important, but the communication to communicate and love is to listen first and listen. Mostly. Listen,

listen. Yeah, and the guy gave us two years in a mouth for a reason. At least my mom told me that a lot. Shut your mouth. Scott. There’s there’s a message there somewhere. I’d get a lot so, Kim, if you don’t mind me asking what you’ve really internalized and brought into your life with love now, what would a conversation be like with your husband? If you can have one?

Oh, man, you know, it would be it would be different. i We there was a lot of love between us. That’s what I heard. I’m just curious. Yeah. But um, but the things that I was doing wrong was one thing I was doing is I was looking for things in return. And I and you can’t you know love just doesn’t do that. Love is kind. Love is kind of gives it does it does kind things. It says kind words that acts kindly. With zero expectations of anything in return. You know, not a thank you note. Not a reciprocal casserole. Right. Yeah. Just gives just gives and so to live that way in a marriage to be 100% a giver. with no expectations of anything in return, but the beauty of love that one of the things that’s beautiful about love is that the more you give, the more you get years ago in my marriage, I wasn’t happy. My kids were young running around, I’m chasing them, I’m making dinner, I’m doing laundry, the laundry never ends. My husband comes home from work lays on the couch takes a nap, I’m thinking, I’m doing all the work here, like everything like what do I need him for? You know, why? Why am I in this, it’d be easier, I’d be one less person to do laundry for one less person to cook for clean up after. And so I made a decision that I wanted a happy marriage, I wanted a happy marriage. And so I decided I was going to do everything I could to make him happy was so I go to the grocery store and I pious favorite candy, you know, or something special to drink and I’d make his favorite meals. And I’d anything that I could think of to do to make this man happy. write him a note in the morning sometimes, or whatever it was. And I didn’t put a time limit on it. I didn’t say you know what, I’m going to do this for three months. If he doesn’t respond, I’m out of here. I decided I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this. Well, what ended up happening was and with no expectations of getting anything, right. No matter what he did, I’m doing this for him. Sure. But of course he changed. But even more. So I changed. My attitude toward him changed the way I looked at how we appeared in my eyes changed. You know, the qualities that I love that that I married him are more and more. Leaving his underwear on the bathroom floor became less and less important. And that’s one thing that love does is that it changes you. It changes you.

Yes, yes. And, again, that’s beautiful that you’re saying it that way. And but though with your reciprocation. It’s like, you’re not expecting it, but you’re open to it, right? Oh, sure. Okay, good. I just want to again, that’s something that I coach my clients on is, you know, I mean, I give give, give until it hurts so good. Not expecting anything that in. It’s something I’ve learned over probably the past 1112 years. And it’s changed my life, just like you said, it’s attracted my Lady Susan into my life has attracted, you know, just fantastic things. And I’ll sit back and go to him. Do I deserve this? But I look back and I’m like, Well, yeah, I kind of do. Being open to it. So, Kim, have you seen the movie Back to the Future?

I have. Okay, let’s

go back to the double dues to 22 year old kid. What knowledge nuggets might you drop on her not to change anything, although your life has been tumultuous, and kind of crazy, but it is full of love. But it not to change anything so much. But to maybe help her level up last year, shorten that learning curve just a little bit.

You know, one thing that I’ve learned over life, and everybody knows probably is that these can be so long, but years go by really fast. Wow. And so to sit back and enjoy the moments, you know, like, like when you’re a mom, and you’re cooking at the stove, and you’ve got this kid poking your arm and poking your arm and your bowl, and you’re gone, buddy, I’m trying to cook, I’m making us dinner or you know, whatever. I wish that I would have stopped and just taken a moment and said, Luke, what do you need? Bud? would have been a 22nd I made an airplane and run away, you know, or whatever. Right? Yeah. And if I would have taken the time and not looked at my kids or anybody else’s an interruption to my plans, right, but realize that they’re the most important thing. Any person is way more important than my to do list. Right? And I wish I knew that then and I love

that because we will you pass on in our inbox isn’t going to be empty. You know, it’s it’s crazy. You just said that because I was driving yesterday and you know, schools, you know, in and there’s just a huge car line. And luckily I live right around the corner from this car. It’s all the time, but I’m driving in I was kind of stuck and I’m monitoring people in their cars. I’m a people watcher that’s just me and I’m seeing parents look really kind of peeved that they’re there. And I’m thinking man, if if you they know that in 12 years from now they’re going to wish they were sitting in that car line again. And enjoy that moment. I love that you said that about your son poking you and and just probably wanted something really little. I love that you’re transparent like that cam and so how do you want your dash remember that little line in between your incarnation date your expiration date your lifetime death date? Hopefully, God willing, it’s way down the line. But how does Kim want her dashing?

The She loved.

Right? Love it. That’s enough side. You know, it’s, I think you’re gonna kind of slide across home plate bumped and bruised, but knowing that you’ve left a mark and people that you love, and you’re paying it forward, that’s a beautiful thing. So, Ken, what do you think people misunderstand about you the most?

I think one thing that people really misunderstand is that people change. People grow. Like my 22 year old self, hopefully, I’m a different person. Now. You know, I’ve often thought that people should somebody should write a book, you know, there’s books on toddlers on on adolescents, teenagers, and then we stop. Right? But what about getting through your 20s? And you’re a different person in your 30s, right? And what about a book on your 40s a book on your 50s? You know, like, it’s different. And you should allow others to change and allow yourself to, and then recognize that change happens. And don’t think back, you know, like, you’re going to a class reunion and you remember this high school, chem, this high school, Scott and we think person, because you’re not going to be the same person. So

we just look in the mirror. I’m 50 years old, and I look back at like, when I was, you know, 18 I’m like, I look different. And then the thoughts that kind of come up in my head of like, how I was thinking, and you know, it’s crazy. So Kim, outside of anything electronic or digital, what are three things that you can’t live without? So what I mean is no cell phones, no computers, no technology, what are what are three other things you can’t live without?

Okay, so So things not people, right?

It can be it can be people places or things.

Absolutely. Family friends, you know, whatever community right? Beaches, okay, love the sand love the beach. I can’t live without a paddleboard. Oh, by the way, I often haul at the wrong word and I call it a waterboard and I invite people over to waterboard me take her I don’t know

Well, you gotta come down here. I was literally on my board this morning with my rescue people. And you know, we have Hurricane Earl that’s kind of starting up there. Luckily, he’s not coming our way but it has it’s fun waves. Usually it’s crystal clear and stop but we got to get some waves and today, my pity absolutely loves it. So yeah, we call it stop here like stand up paddleboarding. Go and stop. You know, my friend in in Michigan. He owns a company called VAs What’s up, and it’s going he’s got a really cool paddleboarding place. So if you’re ever over on the east coast of the state, Brandon I can put you in touch and you have a fun little paddleboarding excursion over there in like the Wixom area commerce area. It’s really nice. But okay, and I’m figuring love is probably at the top of those things you can’t live without right. It’s all about I love it. I love it

down in probably black licorice, maybe my Okay,

well, you can have that. I’ll let you have that. It’s, it’s an acquired taste. Awesome. Fantastic. Time to shine today. Podcast varsity squad. We are backing him up. I have a feeling we’re gonna hook up one day and at least have a nice little chat over some coffee or a beverage or dinner whatnot. But we’ll probably talk for 1520 minutes about a few of these questions and I’m going to ask you, but unless you have five seconds with no explanation, so you’re ready to level up. Ready? Let’s do this. So Kim, what is the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received?

Five seconds I’m trying to think my dad is given me so much good advice gave me so much good advice over the years. One of the things with business was watch the pennies on the dollars watch themselves.

Sure, whatever your personal habits that contribute to your success.

I make a list every day of what I’m going to get done. And I always put more on my list and I can do in a day.

Good for you. If you I do the same thing again. When we die our inbox won’t be empty. So love that. So if you see me walking down the street, you’re like forgive me and he looks like he’s in his doldrums a little bit outside of love is what other book maybe one on that shelf behind you. Might you hand me to help me level up

and get to I it’s a it’s a book about instead of saying

I have to get to love it read eautiful What’s your most commonly used emoji when you text?

I’m the one with the smirk. Right love it.

Nicknames growing up. Gimme gimme Okay, awesome. Just checkers are monopoly.

Monopoly just because more people can play

love it. Go to ice cream flavor.

Guy How to Be mint chocolate chip.

Do your best friends already. There’s a sandwich called the Kimmy surreal. What is on that sandwich? Build it for me.

Okay, it has roast beef, roast beef, it has grilled onions and grilled peppers as a few different kinds of cheeses, a little bit of mayonnaise, some salt and pepper.

We’re buddies. Absolutely. favorite charity and organization like to give your time or money to?

Yeah, well, I run an organization. Sure, yes, no. What is it? rays of hope International. We’re partnering organization, we work with people in their own country who understand the culture and the language and, and the true need, and we just walk alongside

of that. Love that camp. And last question, you can elaborate a little bit on this one, but what’s the best decade of music 60s 70s 80s or 90s?

Easy 70s 70s Anybody that says anything else than the 70s not listen to 70s music

70s Music was the best storytelling music, you could understand the lyrics. And it’s funny because, you know, again, I was I was in my early stages of life in the seven years of being 50 years old now. So when I lost my mom, like three years ago, like tomorrow, and you know, like I’ll play when I’m like editing a podcast or getting ready for some I play the 70s It’s weird I thought on the Eagles are just something that just kind of takes me back to a really calmer place. I’m an 80s guy just because I kind of graduated in 1990 but the 70s was the best folk me Croce I mean, all those like this fun, fun music. So I love that you said that you’re sticking to it. You’re convicted

into it. Yeah, I love it. The artists are still around.

They are and it’s awesome in what’s been nice in South Florida is they’ll come down here in the winter and throw up impromptu shows. It’s crazy. You have two doors down as a guy, Larry Jackson, who’s in the Four Tops, right? And he plays every Thursday night at a place just himself and it’s just like kind of like takes me back live because for tops was 60s and 70s. And it was it’s fun. So Kim, how can we find you?

Well, my I am literally the only Kim Searle spelled my entire world. And obnoxious name He has way too many letters as two R’s two E’s two L’s so are our E LL. Li. So Khimsar all that calm that no one will ever remember is my website. You can also get there though. Love is that info. I do love challenge free love challenge on my website I send you if you join I send you a wristband at WW LD what would love do was the color of your choice. Yeah, so love is dot info, but I’m all over social media. And again, Kim Serral I’m the only one and so you put in Kim smile, you’re gonna find me.

I love it. Love it. Can you tell us a little bit about your book here love is and I know we got into it a little bit. But I do want to do a free giveaway to anybody that does put love is into any of our social I don’t care if it’s Pinterest, Instagram, LinkedIn, whoever personally puts love is Kim’s going to autograph it and it’ll be on time to shine today’s time. But we’ll autograph it and mail it out to you. So whoever puts the love is in there. But let’s little bit about the book if you don’t mind kind of like a Notes version in a sense without giving too much away.

Yeah, absolutely. So each chapter is a word from from that poem, right? That 2000 year old poem. Love is patient Love is kind. And there I actually 14 words. So it took me a little bit longer than a year. Because I did one a month I focused on one a month. And so I started chapter with what I think it is, you know, like we know what patience is, you know, whatever, what we think what I think it is, and then I tell the story of what happens to me in Haiti. That brings me to the realization so I was chased by a motorcycle gang. I had to sleep outside with the tarantulas and the snakes and the chupacabras or whatever’s lurking in the bushes of last mile i Mountain with a medical student from Central Michigan University actually. And so crazy things happened and and I learned from those crazy things, you know, it finally took me all month every month took me to the end of the month. But that’s what the book is is it’s the stories of of what bring me to the realization and then it’s the realization that’s

a blob of solid all around you, you know, I guess that’s it takes me to the movie Love Actually. Have you ever seen that? That’s funny and it’s just like love is all around you is and it’s just it’s static to me. It’s just there and you just have to just, you know tune into a kind of like a radio station, if you will. Metaphorically of course. But that’s awesome. So do me one last salad and leave us with one last Knowledge Nugget we can take with us internalize and take action on KIM

Okay um I would say love that his patient listens and instead of being with somebody asking them how they are meaning those words first of all and then realizing that this is the most important moment of your life what’s in the past is in the past what’s in the future is yet to come this is this is the moment so set up your to do list or the meeting that you have later what you have to pick up to the grocery store on the way home love that as patient would say no, you are right here right now and you’re showing love by giving the person everything you got.

Yeah, I love that. It can I say love all the time. But you know it’s kind of like so many people like have a foot in the future foot in the past that because all over the president and what you’re here and it’s just stay right there. It’s a beautiful thing in squad we I just had a fantastic conversation with kind of a home girl of mine here from the great state of Michigan and she went through, you know, metaphorically Helen back you know, she’s diagnosed with cancer lost her husband, that nasty pancreatic cancer is just sad. It rocked her world and made her question the meaning of love, you know, and she reminds us that love is something we are not an emotion or word you just throw around. You know if you can be love that is as close as you can get to God or you know, believe in God than your Creator. As you can possibly humanly possibly be. You know, sometimes we put numbers are on there it’s in we call it like a two way street. Kim is remind us that it’s a one way street, you give give give without any wants of reciprocation, because that is true love. But the thing about that is and Kim reminded us is that no matter what God is going to give, because he’s a he’s a good God. And if you’re just someone that again, don’t believe in God, then your Creator is a good guide in your universe, or however you believe it is going to provide, it’s going to come back to you, the more you do, but don’t do it for that, do it because it’s frickin the right thing to do. You know, you don’t have to really like somebody to love them. And that’s something that I know going through relationships and, and kids and whatnot. And she wants you to really stop putting labels on love. Because again, love just is and she wants to her younger person to remember or even anybody out there that wants to pick up on this days can be long. But the years go by really fast, enjoy the moment slow down, because my good friend cam here she’s planting trees with this, that she’s probably never going to sit in the shade of. And that makes me grateful to be connected to her. You know, she has her nonprofit raise Hope International, which you will find in our show notes. She has a fantastic book Love is again, that’s that’ll be in our show notes with a free book giveaway. And that her name is spelled with two R’s, two E’s and two L’s. So it’s very unique. You can find her very easily. That way, you know, online or anywhere she is and then, you know, reminds us also lastly that love is that is patient will keep you in the moment. You know and you don’t and we want you to be persistent with your love as well. They continuously love, love, love until you just baby comes who you are like she said love is who you are. It’s not something you’re striving to be or something you’re trying to give. It’s who you are. And that’s what my good friend Kim is she’s full of love. She loves Opera House. She loves upper wealth. She’s humble. Yes, she’s hungry.

She’s a diversity squad leader here at times shine today. Kim, thank you so much for coming on. Absolutely love your gods.

Oh my word. This has been fantastic. You are amazing. And I can’t wait to have coffee or whatever.

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