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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Brian, please introduce yourself the time to shine today packets our sweet spot. But first, what’s your favorite color? And why?

favorite color is blue. And when I was a kid, I lived in the Los Angeles area and the Rams were out there. They were my favorite team. So I think that’s why it stuck.

While in they just went full circle right back a couple years ago right or last year.

So what they’ve been, they’ve been around.

You’re in the great run the great city of Columbus, which I absolutely love Columbus, Ohio. And I love it when Ohio State beats Michigan because I’m a Sparty fan. A Michigan State fan but like Are you still a rams fan or are you migrated to Cincinnati Bengals or what’s your story? I’m

probably mostly a Steelers fan because my wife is from Pittsburgh, and when she moved to Ohio, she began cheering for the Buckeyes. I cheer for the Steelers. And when you’re both cheering for the same teams on Saturday and Sunday, there tends to be a little more peace and happiness and I

absolutely love that. It’s crazy. I live in Palm Beach Gardens Florida and there is a bar here are called the Snuggery. And every Sunday you’re not getting in this bar unless you have a Steelers jerseys. Yeah, I’m not even kidding, man. I’m going to take a picture of it one of these Sundays in the season and send it to you because it’s your like, what? It’s crazy the huge huge steals a huge Steelers following here in this area of Florida as well. So you guys will be right at home you guys. I love it get on the flight this winter. Yeah, absolutely. So Brian, let’s get to a little bit of your because when I’m reading the book, the influencer it was like man, he’s had to have walked and allowed these steps in whatnot. And you’re you were mentored by people is while you put that in the acknowledgments at the end, which was fantastic. Thank you for doing that for those. But can you get us to a little bit It of the base, maybe the origins, where you started and how you’re leveled up to be one of only a dozen of Dr. Chau deenis students, if you will, to T

shirts. Well, I started my insurance career with traveler’s insurance right out of college knew nothing about insurance, but it sounded like a good job. And it was in Columbus where I was from, took the job, really found out it’s a great industry, because if you know, they do their job, well, you really end up helping people. But I started morphing into the sales area. And I came across Robert Cialdini, his work on influence. And I realized right away, it’s the underpinning of all selling, the psychology that he talks about explains why certain approaches work and why certain ones don’t. And I was so intrigued by it, I began to utilize it in everything that I was doing at work. And by fate ended up meeting Dr. Cialdini, and then back in 2008, went through his certification process to begin to teach his methodology. And I knew at that point, Scott, that I was going to whenever I was going to leave the insurance industry, it’s what I would do with the rest of my life. And three and a half years ago, I left and now I spend all my time teaching people coaching, consulting around the Psychology of Persuasion, or the science of influence. It’s also known as

I love it. And so what makes his teachings the science of influence, and whatnot, different than maybe others maybe help them stand out, or, or level up from there? Well,

when you talk about psychology, it’s a huge field. And so he narrowed it down specifically to influence and what is it that causes one person to say yes to another. So his approach differed in that he realized if he really wanted to understand this, he needed to get out of the confines of just the university and, and some of the experimentation they did there. So he took a three year hiatus, and he went out into the real world, and got selling cars, electronics, making calls to sell family portraits, because he wanted to first learn from the training programs, and second from the people who really excelled. And after the three year period, he stepped back and he looked at everything that he had learned, combined it with his academic background and said, you know, what, there are basically six and he coined the term principles of persuasion that make it easier for people to say yes. And so that was the framework that really set him apart from other people. And I think he wrote about it in a way that people go, Oh, I get it, I understand this. And so over the last 30 plus years, he’s become the most well known in the field of influence and persuasion.

What are the six principles if you’re allowed to share those?

Sure. There’s principle of liking, it’s easier for us to say yes, to those we know, unlike reciprocity, we feel a natural obligation to give back to people who first give to us consensus or social proof. We are heavily inclined to follow the lead of many other people. We’ve got a herd instinct, yes, authority, which says we will naturally defer to people with superior wisdom or expertise when we’re making decisions. And then the final two that he talks about, consistency is about that internal need to be consistent in what we say and what we do. And the final one was scarcity. We value things more when we think they’re rare or going away.

Wow, those are so in the book, the influence are you really covered it. But what I loved about it, Brian, is that you covered it without being educational, you did it in the conversation, there’s an art form to that, and thank you, thank you for doing that. Man. That was, that’s awesome. I’m going back and you know, I took no I, what I do is when I read a book I highlight and then I go back and type out what I highlight. And it took me an hour and 10 minutes, and I’m a fast typer that type out the knowledge nuggets you threw in there for John. Right. So yes, name was John. Right in the character. Yes. Okay. Perfect. Okay. And that that was fantastic. So right now with your your leadership, you know, in influencer training, are you doing? Are you working with people Brian, one on one? Are you doing more groups or what? What’s, what’s your format for that?

So I do a variety of things. Usually I go out, I speak at conferences. They go, Hey, we like what you said. And then I may go in and do workshops for anywhere from a dozen to two dozen people. Also, I do one on one coaching with individuals and then I also consult so it depends on what the needs of the organization are. But I will tell you, Scott, I stay in my lane. For example, I had a potential client who said, Well, we’re really looking for somebody to help us build a sales process. And I said, That’s not my expertise. I know people, I’ll make referrals love. But once you get your process, I can help you maximize it by incorporating the psychology. So I tried to stay very tight in that lane. But anything that revolves around it, I’m your man

or law, I love that you do that. And because again, the smartest person in the room really is someone that can refer out what they don’t know. Right, and they can grow from there. And thank you for thank you for doing that. So when you started to work with a company, is there any or individual for that matter? Is there any good secret sauce that you might not mind sharing? That maybe helps them find their blind spots?

Probably the best secret sauce comes back to that principle of liking. Everybody understands that it’s easier for someone to say yes, if they like you, right? If you like me, Scott, easier for you to say yes to me. And it’s not very hard to get people to like you once you understand how that works. But what most people do wrong is they spend all of their time trying to get that person almost desperately to like them. The real key is that I would put all of my efforts into coming to know and like you. Because when you begin to send Scott that, Hey, Brian really likes me. He’s genuine, he cares for me. He’s doing things that are beneficial for me. That’s what opens you up to whatever I might ask. And everything gets easier from that point going forward. So everybody gets it, but they do it just a little bit wrong.

Wow. And that’s, that’s fantastic. Something that I was taught is, you know, I’m in that now I’m that person back guide. Now I’m 50 years old. So it’s kind of it’s been for the baby the last four or five years where I really am genuinely more interested in hearing your story than telling you mine. Right. And I once I started doing that, Brian, I make friends or contacts, acquaintances connections, like, they never if I would have learned that when I was in my 20s. Right? Without would be and I do well, but I’d be so much further ahead. Right? And that you’re putting that out there to them. So when you’re working with the individual? Or maybe you’re still in the discovery period, a little bit, Brian with a company, is there any good question you wish they would ask you but never do? Hmm.

I’m so thorough, I think when I’m covering things that a lot of times when I pause, and I go, okay, so what questions do you have, I think there’s so much going on in their mind, with the psychology in the application, that it takes them a while to process through that even when I’m speaking to a large audience, it can be difficult, because you can just see their thinking really hard, right. But one thing I would that I would point out that I wish that we had more conversation, that principle of consistency. People get that backwards because they start thinking about themselves and their own consistency. And it’s super important that you do what you say. But when you’re trying to influence another person, it’s about them. What have they said, What have they done? What do they value, the more I come to know that the easier it is for me to align whatever it is that I’m asking of them. And when it’s right in line with what they think, believe and value. That’s what makes it easier for them to say yes.

Wow. How do you get there? Like, what? What do you have any like me with my coaching clients? I learned again, this years ago with my real estate businesses, I use the Florida acronym, right family Occupation, Recreation dreams, if I can know those four things, I can really build a rapport and consistency. And I ask very powerful questions around that acronym. So what is are you a big believer really in powerful questions to really build? Okay, okay. Okay, good.

Because in working with with salespeople, primarily, good salespeople only talk 25, maybe 30% of the time now I know that probably many of your listeners have had the exact opposite. And that’s what’s a turn off is the person who won’t stop talking. But a good salesperson knows their product or service. They know what questions to ask. And they allow the prospect to do all the talking. They listen well, they ask other questions. And so the other person feels in control of the conversation, and yet they’re getting the information that they need. When it comes to being able to do that. Well, again, I’ll go back to the principle of liking it starts with that because one of the things that we talk about is connecting on what we have in common. And when we do that, everything else gets easier. The conversation flows naturally. That’s where you start learning the things that they value and that they believe, and then you come in and you tap into the principle of consistent See, by asking the questions, because most people don’t want to say one thing and do another. Make sense.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That’s, that’s so good. That is so good. So with your experience that you have, what, what do you believe that your strengths are?

I used to a lot of well, a lot of people have told me that I’m really good at networking and connecting. And I used to not be because my thought process on that was work in the room, getting a drink, and hey, are you in and I hate that I would much rather find one or two people that I connect with, and have a really deep conversation, yes. But what I, what I’ve learned online is if I have good systems in place, then I can do the connecting in something that’s very natural for me. So as an example, if I go to a conference, and I can get a hold of a list, I will go through every person, and send a personal invite on LinkedIn. And I will then send a personal response back to them, that starts generating some conversation, it opens up opportunities as I traveled to meet these people. So that for me has become a real strength, but not in the way that most people think of networking.

Love, it’s Can I ask you to spill a little bit about what you might say in that initial introduction, email? Or I’m sorry, to lose your message?

Yeah, so if I, let’s say, I spoke at a conference, and insurance conference, and you were an attendee, and I might say, Scott, I hope you enjoyed the presentation I gave on influence at the such and such comp conference. We’d love to stay connected with you here. If you’re open to that. Thanks, Brian. And then I just send that now what I do those guys, that message, other than the name, I can just paste that in each time, right? And so I just find that people paste it in, but it’s still personal. And sure, and that gets a lot of response.

And it’s not lack of a better term, douchebag key, you know, because a lot of times, you’ll get those messages of like, this is what I can do for you. How do you frickin know what you can do for me? Yeah, right. And there’s no record of selling those messages. Thank you. Thank you. I do you’re gonna say that Brian, like his message, because it sounds very, very similar to mine. I love that you said that. So how about let’s go into weaknesses? What weaknesses Do you think that you may have that you work on consistently level up?

Weakness used to be used in networking, and because of that time, um, in terms of what I need to do better, I think I’m very focused. But I can always be, I think, a little bit more focused. You know, for example, today’s nice day, I’m gonna go outside and relax. I know that you need to take some time to do that. But But I, I need to stay in routine. I guess. If I’m not in my routine, then I can wander a little bit and not feel productive. But when I’m home, and I’m getting the same time and I’m doing this Yeah. And I crank it back. So, you know, being able to stay focused on that is what will help me avoid weakness.

I love it. And you and I use we set it early. We’re like brothers, different mothers, man, because we have so many things in common. You know, we’ve, you know, bodybuilding, fitness, stretching everything that we’ve talked about it. It’s awesome. So I love that you’re saying that. So, Brian, have you seen the movie Back to the Future?

I have. It was a long time ago. Yeah, it was.

It’s almost 40 years old. It’s crazy, right? But let’s get that DeLorean with Marty McFly. Let’s go back to the Double D’s the 22 year old. Brian what kind of knowledge nuggets as we call me a timeshare. today? What kind of knowledge nuggets would you drop on him? Not so much to change anything? Because you? June is your wife, I believe right? June, or James? James? Sorry, Jane. Like you’ve met all that you just gave her daughter away at an awesome wedding last month. I mean, you live a good life, but what kind of knowledge? Would you maybe drop on the 22 year old brain to maybe help them level up or maybe shorten his learning curve just a little bit?

I think I would have been more of a learner early on when I first got out of college. Last thing I wanted to do was read any books. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 30s that I really dove in deep into learning. And I think I could have gotten a lot more out of that, you know, 10 to 12 year period, if I would have stayed in rhythm and and continue to read books and learn and who knows, you know how that might have expanded opportunities that are here today. So that would be the advice. Love it, man.

What do you have listened?

He might have it would depend. I think about some things and I was pretty good listener, like my dad served in the Marines. And he told me when I went to college, treat it like a business, do your work until five o’clock that you can go have as much fun as you want. And as I’ve reflected on my life with my father, because he passed away about a year and a half ago, I did listen, I did take a lot of what he said. So I probably I probably would have listened to that. But he didn’t have a mentor when I was 22. People weren’t talking about that so much back in the mid 80s.

Yeah, exactly. I exact same paths path, I would have been like, slow your roll a little bit, you know, get your asking gear asked for the help that you need, and continue to educate yourself and level up. But that’s beautiful. So how do you want your dash? Remember, Ryan, that little line in between your incarnation date, your expiration date you lifeteen a debt that hopefully it’s consuming two years down the road? But how do you want that dash remember for yourself

that I was someone who helped people, I wrote a personal mission statement at the top it says that when I die, I want to hear God say well done good and faithful servant. And I really believe Scott that with what I do through influence, I have an opportunity to help people enjoy more success at the office, and happiness at home. And if when I pass away, people can say, you know, because I knew Brian, I was so much more of a success or chips with my, my spouse or my kids, then I think God will be saying, hey, well done.

Wow, that’s amazing. That’s something that I want to be remembered as, as well. As you know, I believe that the more you mentor, the more immortal you become. Right? It’s like you okay, just because what you spell the people, they’re spelling to people in the future. And I love that you take that giving that go giver, if you will, from Bob, you know, that attitude. So then, what do you think people might misunderstand the most about Brian?

Initially, when they meet me, what they misunderstand is that I actually have a great sense of humor. And I say that because I have I know I have a serious look to the point where my wife a few years ago, for my birthday bought me smiling lessons, she hired a guy to teach me how to smile, because she’s like, You don’t smile enough. But what makes my humor funny is because I do come across serious. And then when I kind of cut the grain with something, that’s what makes people laugh, and then when they start going, like, wow, he actually is funny. He’s got this great sense of humor. And then it’s like Game on. And then so that would be the thing I think that people would would misunderstand, just because my look that I’m more serious than I actually am

of it. I love it. So I’m the same way. I had to get somebody that they there said, you know, for you look like you just drank vinegar. Some it’s something because I would have this hard look, you know, and I’m like, maybe that’s not me. You know, I’m from the Midwest. I like to give hugs, and when I meet people, but the initial I’m you know, I’m six one up to 60. And that, that little of a dude. So when I walk in people and I have that kissy look, they can come in like, Oh, he’s a boy, in a sense, right? And I’m wondering, I’m not I’m the first person to give you a hug and love on you, man. How about, is there anything? If anything that keeps you up at night?

Early on, when I started this business, yeah, a lot of things would wake me up in the middle of the night, I would just have a thought about oh, what about this? How am I going to do that, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. And so I would start getting up and working at ungodly hours. But as I got into a rhythm, though, I feel like entrepreneurship in some respects is like a snowball going downhill. If you put in all the work up front, and you keep doing the things and nurturing all of a sudden stuff starts coming back and you keep feeding the pipeline. So the pipeline is bigger, but things are coming back gets easier for the opportunities and you’re not stressing about things as much and you’re relaxing more so. So I’ve kind of slid down with with the with the snowball going downhill. My sleep is a lot better now,

isn’t it it’s like when you know, my coach had to tell me like for you. There’s absolutely nothing you can do about this at like one in the morning. So just let it go. It’ll still be there. And he also told me that when I die and I pass away, my inbox is not going to be empty. There’s always going to be something there and that just goes back to your time management and your protocol during the day. Like you said I’ve been getting nothing and getting it done. So if you take out of this question this equation anything electronic and includes phones, tablets, computers, whatnot, what are three things that Brian can’t live without?

Oh, but without Ya know, what are three things I can’t live without scotch. I love scotch. I will lump them together my wife and daughter because I love them with all my heart though. They’re the two things that when I talk about I smile, and I cry, and that’s all everything. So those of you and then probably the gym in my basement because I’ve had it for about 30 years, and I use it five, six days a week. So those would be the three things stress my family and or I mean, scotch my family and in the gym, and

we use the Scotch for the stress. Yeah, I love it. I love it. So pray, what is your definition of a life well lived.

Happy is the man who wants what he has. I think that when you can look around, in fact, we were sitting on our patio last night enjoying some cigars, and my wife looked around and she goes, we’re so blessed. Our home is not extravagant, but it’s ours. And we’ve lived here for a long time and everything that we have, we appreciate and I think when you can look around, and it doesn’t mean that you don’t aspire for other things. But you know that if you don’t get those things, you’re still happy and so happy is the man who wants what he has.

That’s That’s awesome. It’s funny Susan and I were just driving a couple days ago and you know just looking around in here in South Florida you know, we live in Palm Beach Gardens Jupiter, Florida and it’s just, you know, we’re like wow, we’re blessed. This is just amazing. You know, everything was going on I love that happiest man who wants to be as as beautiful time to shine a podcast firstly Scott, we’re back and Brian. One day we’re gonna meet up in Columbus or even down here and we can have a chat about some of these questions and maybe go 1520 minutes on him but you got five seconds with no explanation on our lovely new lightning round. You’re ready to level up brother. All right. All right. Let’s go for us do this. Right. What is the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received?

Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

Yes, sir. share one of your personal habits that contributes to your success.

Daily fitness,

beautiful. So other than if you see me walking down the street you may have Fergie looks like he’s in his doldrums a little bit just you know, put off a bad vibe other than the influencer? What book might you hand me?

Victor Frankel’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

Thank you. Thank you used to imagine, though. Oh my gosh. So Brian, what’s your most commonly used emoji when you text?

Probably the surprise one with the big eyes. Yes, I say a lot of things. Surprise people.

Love it. Nicknames growing up.

Bringing brainy breed er, E and i e.

Love it. Love it. So and don’t lie to me on this one, my brother. But if you could stay one age, physically, physically, for the rest of your life, keep the knowledge you’ve gained and continue to garner wisdom. If you can stay one age physically, the rest of your life. What would it be?

Probably 47.

Very good. Very good. Chess checkers on monopoly.

Monopoly,

right. Ice cream, go to ice cream flavor.

Mint Chocolate Chip.

Right. I mean, you’re definitely hanging out. If so there’s a sandwich called the brainy. What’s on that sandwich? Build it for me.

Let us tomato, onions, green peppers, jalapenos, maybe some asparagus. It’s going to be entirely vegetarian.

Very good, very good. favorite charity and organization you’d like to give your time or money to?

It’s called P O. J, personal Jesus. And I support somebody whose ministry is that?

That’s awesome. Thank you for saying that. Last question. Brian. You can elaborate on this one a little bit. But what is the best decade of music 60s 70s 80s or 90s.

For me, it would be 80s because it’s tied to so many emotions. I mean, I was in high school, learn to drive met, my wife got married first job out of college. I mean, everything for me happened with the exception of the birth of her daughter in the 80s with all that emotion and tied to those songs.

It’s so funny. And this is so off track. But I you know, my friends said, Forget You have to watch Stranger Things. And these friends of mine. It’s on Netflix, right? These friends of mine are in their 50s and I’m like this little kid show you like but it takes place in 1984 and the kids are 12 and I’m like I was 12 and 84. So it was like go and watching the show. Takes me back in there were so explicit on stuff and I’m like, Man, I do miss the 80s Bro. It was like I do miss that time with the music and you had the invasion of you know, Irish from YouTube Duran Duran minute work, but you also had the big hair don’t care right? app with like Beastie Boys or Run DMC and you still had some classical music in there too. So it was the best thing I graduated in 1990 So my whole childhood really was the 80s I absolutely loved it. Love love love it so Brian How can we find you my friend?

Well LinkedIn and I promise anybody who reaches out if you don’t put a how you found me I will ask you you’ll get some personal connection with me and then my website influence people dot biz

influence people dot biz, I love that. And Brian do mean one last solid, please leave us with one last Knowledge Nugget we can take with us internalize and take action.

Do everything you can to like the people that you meet work with, or that are around you will be amazed at how that changes your relationship status.

That’s often in squad. Like again, we’re we have brothers from different mothers, you know, me and Brian, is so much that I’ve learned from him just do his readings. And you just got really a free masterclass. From Brian, you know, he reminds us the influence is the underpinning underpinning of all selling, you know, it’s kind of what causes each person to say yes to another. And he brings it back to the set six principles of persuasion that it makes it easier for that person to say yes, or even in you to say yes, as well. There’s certain things but that’s liking reciprocity, reciprocity, consensus, authority, consistency and scarcity. And go back to probably around the 10 minute mark, or seven minute mark and, and Brian will, he really explains those that detail because I want you to get with Brian, you know, if you make a warm introduction of Brian, if you’re looking to level up your skills, you know, a good coach really will maintain his lane. You know, he doesn’t go outside of what he’s got a maximizes his skills, like a punter in football is not going to start on the defensive line, they have skills, they stick to it, and they farm out the other parts, you know, what he does with companies or individuals, they come to Him to help them find the blind spot, he’s really ramps up the principle of liking, you know, he likes to try to get to know them, and he puts all efforts into liking you. And then he’s more interested really in your story than he isn’t telling you about his you know, he says that, you know, 30% you know, good salespeople only talk 30% of the time. Now, they really want to get to know the person that they’re selling to, because they want to build that relationship, that rapport, you know, and if you can connect on things that you have in common, everything gets easier the conversation flow does. And then you can really build a relationship or maybe even a friendship, you know, you would tell his younger self and he would tell himself even now to consistently be a learner, in educate yourself and get your asking gear like my good friend, Leah Woodford would say if you don’t know any know something. And he’s such a mentor, through his writings, and also to the people that he comes across in life. And again, I said it before, but the more you mentor, the more immortal you become. You know, he’s a true helper. He’s planting trees that he’s never going to sit in the shade of. And then when he’s done, he wants God to tell him that he’s well done and he’s lived a loving and faithful life. You know, and he minds us I love this quote is Happy is the man who wants what he has. You know, it’s okay to want more, and to go after it, but be really at peace and grateful for what you have. Now. You know, in Lastly, do everything that you can to like everyone that you are around doesn’t mean you have to be best friends. But it Why sit there in silence when you can have a fun conversation and get to know someone and that’s what my good friend Brian does that he levels up his healthy levels up as well. He’s earned his varsity squad letter here at time to shine today. He’s humble yet hungry, and I can’t wait to collaborate with in the future. Brian, thank you so much for coming

on, brother. It was my pleasure, Scott. Thank you for having me.

You bet we’ll chat soon. Bye now. Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. proudly brought to you by Southern New Jersey real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com/guest If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify iHeart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see a recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends how to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine

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