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Speech Transcript

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L. Scott Ferguson: [00:00:00] I’m Time To Shine today, podcast varsity squad at Scott Ferguson, and I have a two point interview 2. 0 interview with a really good friend of mine, a fellow Midwesterner Brian Ahearn he authored a book which if you’re a veteran or you’re a family member of a veteran, you must pick up. It’s kind of like a heartfelt memoir between, , a father and son who go through what father and sons do.

, where you get along, you don’t get along hurts bleeding that hurt into other family members and whatnot, but he put it in an awesome story if you’re watching here, it’s his story, my story, our story. And again, it’s by Brian Ahearn it’s a book that I can’t put down me being a service member, my dad being a service member , the military is it’s just a, it’s a real book.

It’s not full of fluff. I wouldn’t say it’s a happy ending thing, but it’s really dives deep into forgiveness and how forgiveness is very powerful. And that not forgiving people you’d become living in your own prison. So, , again, [00:01:00] please check out, I do have a book giveaway throughout it. I’m giving away five books.

But if not, if you’re not one of the lucky five, then please do pick it up. Or I’ll be happy to buy it for you as well. So without further ado, here’s my really good friend, Brian Ahern, the author of his story, my story, our story. Let’s level up.

 Time to shine today. Podcast varsity squad. This is Scott Ferguson. And I’d have a 2. 0 interview with a really good friend of mine which I owe him two cigars now because his Ohio state Buckeyes absolutely demolished. I mean, he gave me like 28 points to demolished my Michigan state Spartans, which was, which was pretty good.

Which is kind of like it was a Sparty’s like an afterthought. They played the little weak teams and then they get into the real schedule when they get smashed. But again, my good friend Brian Chaldeen, he’s with the I’m sorry, Brian Ahern, he’s with the Chaldeen Institute. He authored a book that I still reference quite a bit, the influencer.

And I’m going to do. I’m going to put that in the show notes as well, but we’re really here today to talk about his book that he [00:02:00] authored. You can see it behind him. I have it in my hand. His story, my story, our story, the eternal lessons of fatherhood, sacrifice, and service. And I’m glad that Brian’s putting this out because it has kind of like a, Another view of somebody that has witnessed something from the family standpoint and not just the veteran, , it’s a, to me, I feel it’s a heartfelt memoir that delves into like the powerful bond that he has between his father, , between the father and son and also puts a lens on the military service and what the people are.

kind of going through out there. They’re forgotten, and the people that know me know I do a lot of pro bono work with mental hygiene at the West Palm VA. Just kind of setting, , the people that are transitioning out of, , military service into the civvy street or civilian world. and getting them ready and setting up their, their just kind of really giving them a direction to go and Brian again, man, you’re one of my good buddies here in this world.

And thank you for offering this book. It’s a it’s very heartfelt. , it’s something that’s needed to be written. And I [00:03:00] just kind of want to get into the roots of it. Brian of like, what? Like kind of urged you really to put this pen to paper.

Brian Ahearn: Well when I was about 30 I had a lot of questions and my dad and I had a blow up.

That’s all in the book. And it took a while to repair that relationship. But I really, as somebody who was married and wanting to become a father, I was wanting to understand myself better. And I knew that He held some of the keys. I mean, I’m his son, I’m his genetic offspring. And, and so as I was pressing, he didn’t like that.

And it took a while to repair the relationship, but at some point, about 10 years before he passed, he handed me a document that was about Vietnam and his time in the Marine Corps and who he met and time over in Vietnam, coming home, all these things. And he said, maybe this will answer some questions.

Maybe it’ll, yep, that’s dad. Maybe it’ll maybe it’ll raise some others. And so I read through that and we had conversation. Unfortunately, he passed [00:04:00] away in September of 2020, and I just thought it would be a good idea to sit down and think more deeply about this. And I decided I would write a book. And so the book has two distinct aspects.

One is. from my point of view firsthand accounts. I kept a lot of journals when I was in high school. And so you have my firsthand accounts about things like the final fight that led to the ultimate divorce, dad moving out, all that stuff, firsthand account, 15 year old kid. But then you’ve got my dad’s own words about his time in the core in Vietnam.

And so it’s a, I think it makes it a very unique book. From that perspective to, I don’t have to remember how things were. I don’t have to wonder what dad was going through. It’s all there in black and white from both of our perspectives.

L. Scott Ferguson: It’s like a third of the book, right? You didn’t change anything except for grammatical errors and, , stuff like that, which, , it’s, it was, it was it pen to paper though.

Or was it typed Brian that

Brian Ahearn: He typed it out and then gave it to me after he was [00:05:00] finished with it. It was cathartic for him. And I, and, and I don’t know, maybe my pressing caused him to start thinking about things, but he does write in there that he had a friend who was going and getting some counseling and the counselor said, maybe you should sit down and write about your experiences.

And my dad reflected and said, , I just thought it’d be a good idea and I’ve been doing that. And I think that really helped him. Quite a bit.

L. Scott Ferguson: You think with him doing that, it helped kind of repair your guys to become even closer with that? Or is it something he wanted to kind of leave behind for you to really kind of take the torch and shine a light on what these, my fellow veterans need to see?

Brian Ahearn: I don’t, I don’t think he probably ever thought this would be turned into a book. I think he was doing it more for his own mental and also to bridge the gap that had been formed, , where I was pressing in and wanting to understand. When I was pressing in and asking him questions, he wasn’t, even though he’s a really intelligent guy, you could tell, he wasn’t thinking deeply about why he was doing what he was [00:06:00] doing.

So I think the writing caused him to pause and reflect a lot more. I also found a lot of other writings that weren’t contained in that document, but I found them on his computer after his passing about His father and his feelings towards his father and his mother. And so we’re able to piece a lot of that into the book as well.

But one of the things that was really ironic, Scott was there was a point where he wrote that his dad was so drunkenly abusive to his mother that my father said to his dad, I’ll kill you if you lay a hand on her. But then my dad became that guy. Right. Because he was physically abusive. He, he wasn’t an alcoholic like his father, but he was physically abusive to my mom.

And that’s a big part of what led to the demise of the marriage. So yeah, , sometimes you become that thing that you don’t want or that thing that you hate. And, and I don’t know that he, that he recognized in that moment, Oh my God, I’m just like dad. And [00:07:00] that’s the last thing I wanted to be.

L. Scott Ferguson: Do you think that Vietnam shined the light brighter on him doing that?

Do you think that maybe when he was younger, he’s like, when you, when he told your grandpa, dude, you do that again, I’ll kill you. , and again, that’s a natural instinct, but you think he, if he didn’t go to war, if he did not, , have to do the deed, go down range and do what few of us have did, do you think that that would have, , Ben less, or do you think that was programmed into him from the thing?

And again, I know I’m speculating, but again, I, it’s just veterans. We kind of ask these questions of each other.

Brian Ahearn: He and his brothers, there were six boys and a girl and they were a rowdy bunch. I mean, your typical Irish Catholic, , they love their mom. They had problems with their dad. Get in bar fights, all that kind of stuff.

So they were a rowdy bunch, but I think his going to Vietnam, the stresses that he was feeling my mom got pregnant before they got married. That was the cause of their getting married. So there’s stress there. He gets out of high school or college. He’s got a difficult relationship with his [00:08:00] father. So he’s kind of like, screw you.

I’m going in the Marines. And then all that all that comes with that. But I think his his time in the core, he said something, two things that were really revealing at once. He said, he said of the priests when he found out my mom was pregnant, he went to them for help and they just said, go away. We don’t want to deal with this.

And so that really soured him on, on a church. And then he said, , you go to Vietnam, you see what I saw and you think all that crap can’t be real. And so for a while, the moral compass was just haywire and he had no problem running around with women, staying out, shooting pool, drinking. And there’s a story that would typify this.

My uncle, his younger brother at the funeral said, yeah, I remember when I flew out to California, it was 1969. Your dad got me a, an interview, picked me up at the airport on Friday afternoon. He goes, we went straight to the bars. Shop pool, strip clubs, slept on the beach, woke up, did it all again. He goes, we didn’t get to [00:09:00] your house till Sunday afternoon.

And he’s laughing.

L. Scott Ferguson: Right.

Brian Ahearn: And I said, Kevin, that’s why mom was always so pissed.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah.

Brian Ahearn: And all of a sudden he’s like, she had a right to be. Right. But that was, that was my dad’s way of, I think, dealing with the rage. That he had inside because of what he had experienced. There was nobody to talk to. They weren’t talking PTSD and, and given mental help and stuff like that.

And so he just was off the rails.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah. And I actually have eight millimeter tape of my dad coming back from knob that. His oldest brother who happened to be like 19 years older than him. Like set, , that we have, and I actually put it on digital now and just, there’s no celebration for people coming back from that, when I came back from the storm, , desert storm, it was like, it was fricking borderline ticker tape, , parades and everything free, everything free, this, free that, and they moniker baby killers, , basically, , everything.

And. He when he came back brian did he get [00:10:00] zero help he just went right into the work world or What what’s without divulging too much? We want to get people to read it, but yeah, ,

Brian Ahearn: he he went straight to work got it. He was in accounting and then operations and and ascended very high in the business world but yeah, he he went right to work and then But I think they my family was from New Rochelle.

So outside New York City, they moved out to California in 1969. I mean, envision California in the late 60s, early 70s, , free love going to the beach, all that kind of stuff. And it was a very different environment than what he had at home. And I think that was part of, , hey, all the.

Restrictions are off. And so, so I think that contributed, but, but somehow Scott, he, he also maintained this side of him as a business person where, again, he ascended was almost CEO of the final company that he was with. And when he wasn’t going to get that, that’s where he decided he would retire.

So very compartmentalized in [00:11:00] terms of his life, I think like that.

L. Scott Ferguson: Gotcha. So what, what role do you feel then that. Your experiences with your father play in your kind of views of sacrifice, service and family.

Brian Ahearn: Well, family, I thought I don’t want to be like dad because yeah, he, he, of the 20 years he was married to my mom, I think it was nine or 10 of those years.

They weren’t actually together. Some of that was over in Vietnam, but. But nonetheless, there were a lot of times where, okay, dad’s moving out. And I even write about that in the book that, , I, I admire the fact that my dad’s very successful at business, but he’s not successful at everything. And the biggest thing I want to be successful at is my marriage.

And so

L. Scott Ferguson: in spades, brother, I’ve got to say that out there, you and your wife, , just your guys dynamic and everything. You’d never spilled that part of the life, never spilled over. So congratulations on really leaning into that part.

Brian Ahearn: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. [00:12:00] And I tried to as our daughter, who’s be 29 here in December, as I was raising her, I would talk about these things because I wanted to make sure these patterns I saw in our family, we’re not going to be passed down and cause hardship for her.

Life’s tough enough. I don’t need to lay a, bunch of family garbage on on her. So Jane and I worked really hard to make sure that wasn’t the case. So I learned that. But I also, I mean, I have to say to that the things that he taught in terms of like discipline, I’m a highly disciplined person like you.

And that has served me well in my marriage. , to be consistent in things. My wife took that

L. Scott Ferguson: from him a little bit. The discipline part, right? Absolutely. Okay, cool.

Brian Ahearn: And, and it has been incredibly helpful as an entrepreneur to be able to sit down every day and not have to have somebody over my shoulder.

I can discipline myself to sit down and do things. Semper Fi always faithful. I’ve taken that to heart in terms of my [00:13:00] relationship, my marriage relationship, and I think my friends would say that I’m faithful. So I took, I hope I’ve taken the best parts of him and incorporated it into me, and I’m hoping that our daughter will take the best parts of Jane and I.

And if we can do that and make the world better one person at a time, Hey, that’s, that’s a great start.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah, absolutely. And again, it shows in spades what you have, , off mic, we were talking about the celebrations that you’re, going to experience here in the next six, seven months from, , being a new granddaddy and, , also making a trip down under and stuff like that never stopped you from living.

So what, like writing this, there had to have been kind of like times where. You, were you ever stuck on what you should disclose and what you shouldn’t? Cause you’re the first of all squad out there. Brian’s a great author and he’s a fantastic storyteller. I mean, again, he’s, he has another book that really changed my view on a [00:14:00] lot of things, the influencer, right?

So like, great, but like. What parts are really hard for you?

Brian Ahearn: Finding the balance of what I did not want this to come across as bashing my dad because I love my dad and I am who I am. Perfect. Yeah. Because of the things he instilled in me. It’s almost as if. Certain things that were shortcomings in his life.

It seemed like he was trying to make sure they would not be with me. So, , if I didn’t keep my word, boom, I, man, I’m getting disciplined. Now same thing with faithfulness. Dad wasn’t faithful to mom, but he really instilled a sense of right and wrong with me. So the, the, the challenge then was I don’t want to be really graphic.

But I want people to understand that he hit my mom on more than one occasion. Sure. , the, the infidelity, I don’t need to describe in detail those things.

L. Scott Ferguson: And,

Brian Ahearn: and the, and the readers who’ve come back to me where we’ve had conversation, I’ve been so gratified where they’re saying things like, man, it’s apparent how much you loved your dad.

[00:15:00] It’s apparent they’re not leading with like, man, your dad was a bad dude. How did you turn out well or something? So I feel like I hit the mark in terms of I give you enough, , what’s going on here. But I’m not bashing him. And ultimately it’s about redemption because our relationship did turn around.

We had, we were in a very good place at the time of his passing. I obviously wish he would have lived longer. I still had, I learned a lot about PTSD reading. Bessel van der Kolk’s the body keeps score and I had a lot of questions, wanted to talk to my dad about, about those things. But , life didn’t allow for that to happen, but yeah, I, I, I want the book to be something where people can see, wow, this was pretty bad, but you got to a good place.

And so it gives them faith and hope.

L. Scott Ferguson: What can I ask you what age he lived to? He was, he was 80. 80. Okay. Which is still young, , these days and stuff. So yeah. Or actually

Brian Ahearn: 79. He was seven.

L. Scott Ferguson: Okay. And what [00:16:00] kind of message I’m kind of feeling like we want to get this out to the people that are not serving also, , because there’s a message that can be of help for them.

But like, what, what is your main, like kind of guts message that you really want people to take away, , to both veterans and the family members from, from your book, from the awesome read that it is.

Brian Ahearn: Yeah people are complicated, which means families are complicated, and we bring baggage into relationships that we are not even aware of.

I detail an incident when I was 17 and I got expelled from from high school for three days for having words with a teacher at that time. If you would have said, Hey, Brian, I think this has to do with some of the stuff your parents are going through. I would have been like, hell, no, it doesn’t. She’s a, , as a 17 year old, how do you process all this?

What I was able to take from that though, with years and understanding. [00:17:00] And I talked to my daughter about it a lot as she was growing up. And I basically was like, Abigail, you’re going to be encountering people who do things and they don’t know why they do them. But just think of my story and the turmoil I had going on.

And if you can think that maybe they’ve got turmoil in their life, you’ll be, you will be in a position to offer them a lot more grace and a lot more acceptance. And so those, that was how I, Tried to process and learn these things. And, and funny thing too, Scott, that the, the lady, the teacher that I had the words with I called her and I apologized.

It was 40 years later,

L. Scott Ferguson: but it’s amazing, dude.

Brian Ahearn: I called her up and I said, Hey Mrs. Russa. And she’s like, yes. And I go, this is Brian Ahearn she goes, Oh, Brian. She remembered me right away. And, and I started telling her about the book and what I learned. And I said, I just, I just want to say, I’m sorry. And she thanked me.

And I said, I always felt like if I would have apologized in the moment, you might have let me off. And she goes, I would have, but you didn’t. And so you needed to learn a [00:18:00] lesson. I said, well, better late than never. I learned it.

L. Scott Ferguson: So forgiveness seems like a big theme, , throughout, cause I, I had to have it with my dad.

I mean, growing up. Like my dad had this thing with drinking really bad and put me in headlocks until my face turned purple. And I was going to make it tough, , but then he, one time he actually passed out while I was in the crib and if it wasn’t for my cousin, it would have been pretty ugly for me.

Like in my, my kind of definition of forgiveness, Brian is given giving up the hope of a better past. Right. It’s like, I’m never going to have a better past. And, and the stat, if you’ve ever heard me speak on stage or talk, , on podcasts, I had a really warped upbringing before my parents adopted me.

Right. But I’ve learned what really pushed me forward was. The forgiveness, like how much do you feel forgiveness plays into not just your book, but just being a better person for yourself and being able to pay that forward and wanting other people to [00:19:00] forgive as well.

Brian Ahearn: I mean, it’s, it’s huge because unforgiveness is a, is a prison that you make for yourself.

That’s awesome.

L. Scott Ferguson: Write that down, people.

Brian Ahearn: Unfortunately my mom never forgave my dad. And, and, and the stuff that happened was terrible. But, the fact that she couldn’t, she’s still in her own prison. And it still plays out today. I hate to say this, I haven’t talked to my mom in two and a half years. Sorry.

And, and that’s because when our daughter was getting married and my mom called or was texting me and I could see that it was really kind of weird that she was upset. And so I called her and she was angry at me because my stepmom was going to the wedding. And I’m like, mom, it’s not my wedding. It’s Abigail’s.

And she has been her stepmom, her grandmother, her whole life. Gotcha, gotcha. Okay. She has every right to, to be there. And and my mom was, well, maybe [00:20:00] I’m going to go say something to her. And, and I said, mom, I’ll have to be the one to ask you to leave then. You’re not going to ruin her day. But, but so it’s incidents like this, that it would boil up where the unforgiveness and the anger was coming out.

And, and it’s, it’s, it’s. And because I look like my dad and I have his name and I have a lot of his mannerisms, I felt like I was the one catching all the abuse. And, and I had to finally tell her like, Mom, until we address this, this is the elephant in the room. It’s the same kind of thing that I had to go through with dad 30 years ago.

We can’t go forward until we work this out. And she’s chosen not to. So, so she’s missed birthdays and holidays and, and all these things. Yeah. Because she’s still in that little prison that she’s made.

L. Scott Ferguson: Right it , thank you for sharing that with the squad Unforgiveness is a prison you make for yourself.

That’s what you said, right? That’s that that’s beautiful and i’m gonna thank you for a kochi nugget for me as well brother On that so you you kind of tell the stories told from your father’s and your your perspective as [00:21:00] well was it tough for you again? I can’t give you enough credit being an awesome author storyteller, but was it hard to balance the two voices?

Brian Ahearn: What do you mean by balance?

L. Scott Ferguson: , cause there’s certain like. You don’t, you don’t want to make dad look like too much of a monster and you don’t want to make yourself look like too much of a pussy, , for lack of a better term, what I’m saying? It’s like you wanted to come and like the lessons that you learned has made you what you are.

I mean, I know that you work out, you bodybuild, like you, you, you really do life really well. There’s companies that hire you to bring you out to faraway places and pay you good money. It’s like, but was there like something that like any victim hood and any of the voices that were Happening while you’re writing.

It’s hard for me to ask the question. I know what I want to ask. It’s just not, might not coming out at.

Brian Ahearn: Well, no, when I was writing, no, there was, there was none of that. , there were times growing up where you might feel like you can’t measure up. , because I didn’t go in the [00:22:00] Marines and I didn’t see combat and, and that my dad and the Ahern family was already very bide full group, right?

That you’re feeling like, well, I’m not really measuring up. And I think all young men want their fathers to be proud of them. And I talked about this in my eulogy, , that, that it’s not easy and I’m 60 now. And so I, I see it not as big as fast as strong and all these things. And passing that mantle is tough because you’re admitting I’m not.

What I once was, but again, if we’re making that next generation better, I want my daughter to be better than I was at everything she does, because that’s also, , as a coach, it’s a reflection on us, right? We raised them and we sewed into them and they’re taking what we gave and they’re going even further than we would have imagined.

And so I think it would, that part was tough growing up feeling like no matter what I was doing, I might not be good enough.

L. Scott Ferguson: Okay. Now

Brian Ahearn: My [00:23:00] relatives, when they would talk to me and say like, Oh my gosh, your dad thinks you walk on water. And, but he wasn’t saying that to me. And so you’re still kind of striving and trying to try to figure that out.

Am I coming up short?

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah, that, that is the thing with my old man, same way. , it’s like, he will never, he says he he’s just started telling me he loves me, , and my dad’s a big stoic guy, six, five, big dude, like very stoic. Very like people approach them. They love Larry, they love big Larry, , but, but at the same time, that disconnect is kind of there between us with that, because I’m not that, and, but it also, I think keeps us glued together in a sense as well, , that’s where the love is eternal between me and my old man as well.

So what do you want civilians to really take away from your story or your stories? I should say.

Brian Ahearn: Yeah, I, I think, I think a lot of people could relate to it, even if they didn’t have a [00:24:00] parent who served because there’s a lot of there’s again, people bring baggage in and, , there may be the alcoholic dad, there could be a drug addicted mom, there could be something in that household that is not good, that is having an impact, right?

And. It’s never enough to just say, I’m not going to be like that person. Well, my dad ended up being like,

L. Scott Ferguson: and I ended up being in the parts of my old man too, man, , it’s just funny how we, the mannerisms,

Brian Ahearn: ? And so I think anybody who had some kind of turmoil in their life could certainly relate to it.

It might be different, but it’s still relatable because we, we are. We are far more a product of our parents than we realize. And I see this like with my sister, who didn’t have a really good relationship with my dad, because they were so similar. But I’ll see her say and do things. I’m like, man, that’s just like dad.

She might be offended if I said that, but it just shows how we absorb certain things. And it’s not until we [00:25:00] start to pause and reflect. And unfortunately, most people never do this. But to ask the questions, why am I the way I am? Who, , who am I? Why am I the way that I am? And then you start looking back and trying to, to figure things out.

I would encourage everybody to do that because it gives insight into who you are. And, and I love this quote from Ben Franklin. There are three things that are extremely hard, a diamond steel, and to know one’s self. Wow. Figuring out who you are is not an easy process.

L. Scott Ferguson: That’s, that’s incredible. Like, and it’s true with, , Ben was.

Pretty wise and whatnot. How about from a service members point of view, what do you want when you’re writing this, what did you want their biggest takeaway to be from if I’m, if I’m reading it, let’s say I’m 20 years old and , I’m, I’m in the service or I’m thinking about going into what, what do you want [00:26:00] me to see and kind of have a takeaway from,

Brian Ahearn: I would like that young service person to see what can happen.

If they aren’t actively thinking about their own mental state and their mental health, because you don’t want to get far down the road and maybe have lost a marriage, maybe have had a broken relationship with a child, maybe something That there’s no guarantee they’ll be repaired, right? It never got repaired with with my mom.

So if they can read that and make better choices than my dad, then I think that’s a great thing. And I think, I think, , if he’s looking down at this, that he would be happy that here’s this young guy in the core, Who took a different turn and his life was better for it because of the story that we shared

L. Scott Ferguson: Love it.

Is there any part of like I hate to call it marketing But any part of your journey with this book really trying to get it in the hands of decision makers? Of our service members that are [00:27:00] coming back from hard target situations

Brian Ahearn: Not specifically on that, , early on my, my first thought was like, if I can find the right person in the core, I’ll make the book free for them.

I just, the print cost and then you’re going to have it or ebook for, for no charge. Unfortunately, there’s not like that one place to go. And it wasn’t for lack of, I mean, I have a lot of Marines who did pre reads. One was a two star general. One was a four star general and not been able to crack that nut in terms of that, because I think the people who will get the most out of it are people who can relate to his story, but also as a family person.

So, , if a listener, if you or anybody else , has a contact by all means, let me know, but I feel like I’ve been exhausting my resources, trying to crack that nut.

L. Scott Ferguson: It’s going to probably have to happen in, in Washington. Actually Stu, if you’re listening out there, I got a book to give you here.

Veterans advocate, he’s looking for something like this. So I’ll put you in and Stu in touch. For sure. 100 percent because [00:28:00] now that we’ve kind of talked it through and getting it out of there, , out there, I think that cause he has a really good so Adam, Adam bird, if you’re out there listening, which I know you do tune in, he’s with heroes, media group, and he’ll he can be able to get that out there.

We do a lot through those 3, the stews on the hill. , lobbying for veterans all the time. And then Adam does, he does a ton for veterans to kind of translate back into civilian world. But there, he only takes on people that have problems, if you will, , that are hard, hard ones. So, but how about your, okay.

So your family dynamic, like how many siblings do you have? Right. Just

Brian Ahearn: one sister. Almost a year and a half older. And it was interesting that she read the book. I asked her, that was

L. Scott Ferguson: my question. What was it like with that?

Brian Ahearn: Well I wasn’t sure how she was going to react and she came back and said, she really liked it.

She goes, it was interesting to get your perspective on all of these things that we experienced together growing [00:29:00] up. She didn’t want to give an endorsement while she got to a better place with my dad. Their relationship still wasn’t great, but I really, it meant a lot to me that she said she really enjoyed the book.

My mom has not read it again. We haven’t talked in, in years and, and I tried to be very thoughtful when I wrote it to To not reveal too much but enough that people will get, a picture of what this family was like. So there’s a lot of things I don’t go into, , in terms of what I knew about each of them personally, but hopefully one day she’ll read it.

And even if she’s still angry with him, hopefully she’ll understand me better and what it was like for me growing up under that umbrella of a lot of chaos at times.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah, you and I kind of are a lot like brothers and other mothers, because we’ve, I have those family members that. When I got married because of a divorce and stuff like that, I wasn’t talked to by a certain three or four family members because I invited a [00:30:00] certain person to my wedding and it was my wedding, , so it’s going to happen, , hopefully, I mean, some good energy that you and your mom’s have amends.

I went through with my mom, we did a three year stint of not talking to each other and made my dad and, , and the thing is, is their, their generation. Well, not brag on us to us. Like my dad will never be like, Oh, , my nickname is tadpole. Cause his nickname is frog man. Right. He was like, dad, , , you did a great in this, but.

When I go to Alabama and hang out, people are, everyone’s like, dude, your dad’s so effing proud of you stuff like that. It’s like that generation does that for us. Right. So

Brian Ahearn: Scott, it can be hard to express heartfelt things.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah.

Brian Ahearn: I’ll give you an example. When I did the TEDx talk a couple of years ago,

L. Scott Ferguson: plus views.

Brian Ahearn: And I practiced that thing hundreds of times. The first time I did it, and Jane is, it was a rehearsal, and she’s sitting in [00:31:00] the audience. I started to break down even now. I feel that when I actually did the talk too, and she comes out on stage at the end, I had a hard time getting the words out and finishing.

So it’s, it can be hard. I mean, when it’s deep and you’re expressing the deepness of things to people, it’s hard. And I don’t think the generation that we came from, our parents, It just wasn’t a thing. People weren’t really talking about that. There was no modeling for that at all. Thank God I’ve been able to model that for our daughter.

And my wife and I, we learned that, , as we grew together in our marriage. But, but those are hard things. , years of life give you wisdom and you can look back. And so the things that I didn’t maybe get, I’m okay with because I have a better understanding of like who he was and where he came from and how hard that must’ve been.

It’s hard for me. So it had to be even harder for him.

L. Scott Ferguson: There are major silver lining. A lot of it, Brian, which you’ve already says is Abigail’s your daughter, right? [00:32:00] You actually pour into her more because of it, which is fantastic, man. It’s people like the older general that makes you weak. I know it doesn’t, man.

, iron sharpens iron, it says it in the Bible. It says, , it’s just how it is.

Brian Ahearn: Yeah. And, , with, with our daughter I always tell people, in fact, I had coffee this morning with somebody and we were talking about being parents and I said, , it bothers me when I hear people talk about sacrifices for their kids.

It’s an investment because when your child grows to be this mature person who is doing well in life and they they look back and they and they want to spend time with you. You are reaping so much more at that point than you were Sowing in and and we see this with our daughter and and now soon our grandchild.

L. Scott Ferguson: Yeah

Brian Ahearn: We’re blessed

L. Scott Ferguson: the dividends that pay the pain spades when you have that kind of energy that’s going out. So So we kind of close this out Which oh, , i’m just going to put it out there. I’m going to do a five [00:33:00] book giveaway for the first Five people that put Semper Fi in anything. I don’t care.

Again, like last time where there’s Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, wherever that our team posts this. Also, you can text it to 561 440 3830. I’m happy to buy, , up to, , I’ll buy five books on my dime and I’ll have them, , mailed out to you, but what else you got in the, in the hopper, man?

Do you have anything else with your writing gems coming out, Brian?

Brian Ahearn: One final writing project that I want to do, and I say final, it’s just the only one that’s like hanging in front of me, I would like to write a follow up to the book, the influencer, because , that guy left his, he left his career in his mid fifties.

So he’s got a whole life ahead of him. What does he do with that life? And, and that book will probably be. Faith based and what’s rolling around in my mind is, is the title would be influenced and he’s going to recognize the influence of God in his [00:34:00] life, but, but still tying in these principles of Cialdini.

And so I’ve really been mentally thinking about that a lot, but I haven’t started it.

L. Scott Ferguson: I can’t wait. And then like that, the whole airport scene, like, cause I’m doing something, , my agent has me traveling. She’s had me. , three 31 times in 2024 speaking, right? I’m in and I run into that airport scene of his patients and i’ve been Utilized it a couple times.

I’ve got some upgrades, dude what i’m saying? And i’ve always been like that, but I used a little bit more of what he he put out there with that and It’s it’s a great book if you , pick up this one his story my story our story But also pick up the influencer As well by brian ahern and brian If you could do us a favor, as we close this up, as always, can you leave us with a knowledge nugget that we can take with us, internalize and take action on?

Brian Ahearn: I think it would be that if you’re in a broken relationship, be the first one to act, right? It’s very easy for, , Scott, if you and I had a fractured relationship and we probably both have [00:35:00] responsibility. If I’m over here saying, yeah, I’ll apologize when Scott does. And you’re saying when I’ll apologize when Brian does and nobody’s apologizing.

But if we understand that we want that relationship to work and we’re willing to take a step to the middle and I say, what, Scott, I regardless of what happened, I am sorry because I did this. And most of the time people are going to soften and go, what? Hey, I had a hand in it too. I’m sorry.

And all of a sudden you’re, you’re kind of coming back.

L. Scott Ferguson: Right.

Brian Ahearn: So, , because forgiveness is such a big part of the book. That’s what I would encourage people.

L. Scott Ferguson: And i’ll subscribe again i’m gonna urge you and plead with you to get out there and pick up brian’s book It’s on all the major sales. Do you have it on your website too?

Brian? I didn’t see

Brian Ahearn: I do i’ve got a for people who want to learn more if you go to yes,

L. Scott Ferguson: please

Brian Ahearn: brian brian Ahearn biz Then you can, there’s a short video of me introducing the book. You can see the testimonials you can order from Amazon, Barnes and Noble books, a million from there. So you’ll be able to, to learn more about the book on the site.

L. Scott Ferguson: It’s right [00:36:00] here. Squad. If you’re on Vimeo or YouTube, that’s right here. He introduces the book. Excellent. Just excellent. Brian. And, , thank you so much for just being born, , I’ve got to thank the parents for that, man. Cause you did what you do for people. Is above reproach. And I’m so blessed to be aligned with you.

And they just, the knowledge that I picked up today, cause I’m a big believer in the plus equals minus living that lifestyle, , every day, look to emulate somebody and learn something from them, like rap with somebody on the equal side and the minus side, pulled people up and, , send the elevator down for them.

And, , what I just learned today about, , unforgiveness is a prison you make for yourself. And so I just remember that, , as you’re going through, if you’re going through something with somebody, , forgive them. , cause you never know when, , that incarnation date is up, , and it expires.

So that’s what we want you to do. I go out, buy the book, any veterans out there that can put me in touch with somebody that more into mental hygiene, where we can get in and get this book into the right hands. So people can read it and help [00:37:00] build military lives even better. So Brian, thank you so much for coming on.

You earned another varsity squad letter here, brother at times shine today. Absolutely love your guts. Thank you so much. Okay. Thank you. Chat soon.

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