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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Angie, welcome back. Thank you so much for coming on. And if you could remind the squad what your favorite color is,

oh, thank you. My favorite color is purple. I love it. It is the color of royalty, it is the color of leadership and walk in those halls of power. And what I love about working with attorneys and leaders is that these are the people that are in the position to move the needle and create the kind of world that we want to live in, right. So many times, especially the last couple of years, it was easy to feel like we were at the mercy of the world around us. And to forget how powerful we are when we show up as ourselves and turn that impact loose turn turn ourselves loose as leaders and authentic people. Wow. Oh, yeah, purple.

That’s awesome. You know that I take notes during, you know, my show. So that’s why I just can’t write fast enough is that what brought you to because you’re an attorney, you know, in Spa, she’s a badass attorney. Definitely want her in your corner. Like you’re an attorney, you’re working with, basically, your colleagues and whether they’re worldwide or whatnot. They’re still your colleagues being an attorney, what got you into kind of parlay in this and really leveling it up to the masses?

Well, as I looked around, I really actually people came to me. And I would describe what I was doing for lawyers. And they would say, oh, gosh, can you do that for an accountant? Can you do that for an engineer? Can you do that for me? And I would say Well, yeah, if you don’t mind all these lawyer examples, but it turned out that what I was doing for lawyers was really part of the human experience. And so if you remember, sometimes I talk about lawyering is is inevitable, but, you know, we’re not, we’re not. But suffering is optional. I say that to people sometimes. But really, we think of ourselves as people having a business experience or people having a professional experience. We’re actually humans having that professional experience. We’ve got to connect to our humanity to be truly successful for the long term.

So what are you finding is the major cause for the burnout that they’re experiencing?

For for so many people, it’s the disconnect from who they really are, to who they think they’re supposed to be?

Wow. Wow, it let’s go deeper on that. Let’s unpack that a little bit.

Yeah. One of the first things I do with my clients is I take them through a process where we identify their core values. Now, lots of people have done values, exercises, they’ve checked a thing or filled out a form. We do this a little bit differently, because the way we define values is not a political affiliation or religious affiliation. It’s not a set of standards. It’s not your corporate mission statement. When we talk about values at happy at law, and as part of the happy life habit, the leadership habit, what we’re talking about are the ideals that light up your soul. Oh, yeah. So what we do is take people through a process where they will funnel down to their top five core values, the things that will get them out of bed when they’re tired, right, the things that like, that’s the hill, they are willing to die on, whether they realize it or not. And so sometimes we get a step disconnected from that. And we think, Well, what I really care about is, you know, being successful having a thing, you don’t really care about the thing you care about the freedom.

Wow, that’s so true. Right? Yeah, the values that get you out of bed in the morning is a little bit older, you know, I’m just turned 50. You know, it’s like, like, like, check engine light comes on just a little bit more often than usual. I mean, I still on my paddleboard, early in the morning to match or whatever I’m doing that it’s those values, that is like, Dude, I want to grow older, you know, it’s still level up. And that’s where you’re helping them really dig down and list those five values, right? And they’re putting those to work. Maybe connect the disconnect, because we are humans experiencing the, the business world. I love that because a lot of people think that they’re, I’m sorry, I’m speaking over you. But a lot of people think that, you know, they’re a business person before they’re a human. And that’s what pays their bills, right?

Yeah, we flip that around, you are a human having a business experience. And you show up to your business with the feelings you haven’t felt because you were didn’t want to write the hurts from the past that you’re still connected to. You show up with your divine purpose, your values, you show up with all of that stuff. But then we run it through this filter of it’s just business and we wonder why we’re stressed out, right? So we take that when we’re working with people and their values, we take that core values list, but we take it a next step. And we identify the characteristics of those values, so that they can spot their value in alignment out in the world.

Wow, you’re like a psychologist, too. This is fantastic. I love it. I love it. Because a lot of times people see attorneys are like, you know, I love it. So how much do you believe that? Narcissism works against your habits?

In terms of if you are the narcissistic tendency, or? Well, here’s the thing. We are oftentimes trained in a particular way of thinking about goals that make it a me focus thing instead of a service focus thing. And for people who say, yeah, yeah, if that works for you where it’s all about, I’m going to check off these boxes of achievement, because that’s external. If your identity is built on what other people think of you, that’s going to work for you, right for a certain amount of time. At a certain point, you’ll be chasing that goalpost. And you can’t get enough positive feedback and approval and accolades. It will, it will just it won’t, it will stop feeding you. Wow. And that’s when you have the breakdown.

That’s, that’s amazing, because I’m a recovering narcissists. 100% and I still have my tendencies that come up, you know, having my story that people know now that chip on my shoulder abandonment issues, so I’m always that I love, love how you kind of unpack that. So when you’re working with people, whether it groups or one on one, what is your little bit of your secret sauce, then that maybe help them find their blind spots?

Yeah, so what we do is, we look at, we look honestly at what we do, okay? Because what we’re doing is never a lie. I could tell you all day long, I’m going to drink that green smoothie, or I’m going to do the workout or I’m going to show up for the meeting prepared. I can tell you all day what I’m going to do, I’m going to do, but if I don’t actually show up and do it, then that wasn’t true, right? But here’s the kicker. Instead of saying I didn’t do it, so I’m a bad person, and we go down the judgment spiral. We look at that with self compassion. And we say, Okay, what if I gave myself the benefit of the doubt, and I just assumed that I didn’t do the thing and I had Good reason, right? I wonder what my reason was?

Oh, so you dig deep for that reason, which obviously with that, obviously, but it actually kind of all goes back to those core values, right?

It does, it does that we call it the belief to behavior formula. Okay? The stimulus comes in the catalyst comes in, it’s neutral traffic, it’s, you know, your wife gave you a funny look, it’s whatever it is, right? The checking account balance is X number of dollars neutral stimulus. We filter that through a belief. Now, that might be core values. It might be I’m a good person or a bad person, because I have $1,000 in the bank. Or it might be some other kind of belief, but we filter it through. And we give that stimulus that neutral stimulus a meaning. And that’s what drives our behavior. So instead of trying to willpower tough your way through it, or control the world around you, you get a lot of control. freakiness, right?

Absolutely. I’m right there, too. So yeah,

we used to be, we go back to what we really actually have 100% control over, which is, what am I believing about what’s happening right now? Right? Because that’s the real reason I’m doing what I’m doing.

Right. So you go back, you fall back into? Would you call it a comfort zone? Or what would you call that? Like, you know, you said you kind of go back when you kind of get stuck and get stimulated? Yeah. Like, what? What do you what do you think you fall back to?

Comfort Zone is good shorthand for it. But we could also think about it in terms of familiarity, right? This is where this is the devil I know. Right? This is where I know, the outcome is going to be unpleasant, right? But at least I know what it’s gonna be. Right? So there’s no risk in terms of uncertainty. Whereas when I change something, then I don’t know what’s going to happen. Right? Might be amazing. And then we get to the identity piece, which is, now that I’ve achieved amazingness, right? Can I be the person who has it?

That segues right into something that you have kind of rolling out which identifying the right coach for you. So with regards to that, like being able to unpack it, and being able to really dig deep? How can somebody again, but what makes a great coach? Or how can somebody identify?

Yeah, to me, the first question to ask is a question. Usually people don’t ask until the end, which is, Do I want a coach who’s going to be really directive? Who’s going to tell me what to do? Or do I want a coach that’s going to be more client centered, and is going to help me uncover my best strategy right within their framework? And that, to me, is really the two big buckets of coaches, coaches who come in and say, Here’s my system, do it exactly the way I tell you, I’ll help you with the places where you feel stuck. But the answer is the answer. Right, right. And then there’s the coaches who are like, here’s my framework, it works for everybody. How is it implemented for you? What’s the expression of that? That works for you?

Wow. Yeah, I find that a lot of the direct coaches that you have, and again, I’ve been coaching eight years. So I’ve been finding that a lot of the direct coaches almost come off as consultants. Yep. versus the more that we’re going to use what works for you and asking those lofty, powerful questions, and whatnot that I do. Are you more of a coach or consultant? Are you a coach assaulted?

I am probably a coach assaulted. My my framework is the foundation, right? Like we’ve got a system to hold people, that container of the system gives them a place to work from, but because we start with the individual, the core values, looking at what’s, what’s your thing? What’s your stimulus that comes in that makes you crazy? Let’s work on that. What’s the source of your stress? As opposed to we’re gonna manage the stress? And like, take the edge off, so you can keep going, right? Because you’re gonna keep you on that path to burnout. Right? You’re gonna get to the root of it. Right?

Right. Yeah. Love that you cut off the root. It’s the you can grow something new. Within that. I love that. So when you’re starting to work with a group or even clients, one on one, maybe you’re still in the discovery period. Is there any good question that you wish they would ask you, but never do?

One of the questions that I think is important to ask is what is my you know, What’s my goal, right? Like, I don’t tell them specifically what their goal is like, but if somebody comes to me with a problem and says, I want to be happier at work, or I feel stuck, or I can’t get it Well done, I don’t know what to do. Creating that vision for them, helping them get clear about what it is that they want it to look like on the other side, how do they want to feel at the end? Because the other, the other part of this dichotomy of the directive coaches versus the client centered coaches is going to be our is the coach helping you to become? Or is the coach helping you to execute? Right? So, and this is a big piece of my habit framework. So the habit, the leadership habit framework is heart alignment to the values behaviors, which is where we do the goal setting, and then we go to identity. And then we look at the thoughts. If you achieve the goal through that behavior. And you have not become the person who has that goal, you will self sabotage it.

Never heard it said like that. That can you say that one more time, please. Just so the squat hears that? Yeah, yeah.

Because it is it is super critical. If you become if you achieve the goal, you have engaged in the behavior, but you have not become the person who has that goal, who has done it, who achieves it, who who lives that you will sabotage it and let it go. Because it’s incongruent with your old identity. Right? You’ve got to, you’ve got to upgrade that identity to match the new you that has achieved this goal, where you will let it go.

Yeah, it’s and then you kind of go through like a never ending loop of imposter syndrome, in a sense, you know, because you really never became that new identity.

Right? Right. Yeah, you can see this a lot. to places I see a lot, just as I’m sort of noticing how people are. One is a person who has worked so so hard to achieve a certain level of fitness. But they have never, oh, you’re laughing already? You know where I’m going? Yeah, in their head. They are still a fat kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking.

Wow. You You nailed it with that, even in my experience, and G because, you know, I mean, I came from a father that worked on the line that General Motors in Detroit, right, everyone’s big three, everyone had that lack identity. And, you know, I got out of the military and I grinded, I grinded, and that chip on my shoulder, and I put two commas in my, in my bank account, but I didn’t have the identity to keep it. You know, I mean, the theory of relativity happened during that time, because once you make money on once your relative, right, so that was given in a way what, but then I didn’t have it, I didn’t listen to mentors that got me there. Watch your money. Watch this. And that’s, that’s so critical. Yeah. So

you can build that identity as a person who is abundant and has wealth and success on your way to the achievement or you can kind of suck it up, buttercup, power your way through, and then look around and say, I have all this stuff and I’m not happy, I don’t feel abundant. I don’t feel successful. Right. And we’re calling that imposter syndrome right now. But it is it’s a straight up identity mismatch to the achievement

or so I love it. I love it. So last time you answer the question, I did re listen to this part of our last podcast and let’s see if it’s still Alliance because your business has evolved a lot in a lot. Okay, so like let’s go back in that glory with Marty McFly you know let’s go back you know that’s still go back to the double dues to 22 year old Angie I doubt it was Hooper by then but the 23 year old Angie, what knowledge nuggets would you drop on her to help her level up shorten their learning curve and blast through not so much change? And help her level up?

Yeah, just to like reduce the level of misery I put myself through. Here, here’s what I would tell her become first then do embody it, be it claim the identity of who you are becoming. And achieving it will be so much easier. It will It will feel natural and intrinsically motivated. But you got to be first then do it backwards.

Yeah, exactly. And a lot of times it kind of goes back to the you know, someone will say I believe it when I see it, but you see it when you believe in right? Yeah. Love it. Love it. So how do you want your dash remember that? You know that little line in between your incarnation date, your expiration date, your life date and death date on your tombstone? Which, hopefully it’s yours in the future?

Yeah, yeah. Have you gotten more ambitious? I’ve gotten more ambitious about the dash I’ll at all admit it, because when I was here, the last time I was like, I want to be known as the person who transforms the legal profession, right and my, I have become the person who is willing to be of greater service. So now My ambition is to become the person who’s known for transforming what it means to be successful and transforming how we train leaders. So that we have leaders at every level, who are values driven, who are passionate, who feel intrinsically motivated, so that we let go with the grind and we let who we are and our love and what we want create the success along the way.

Okay, so then what is Angies definition of success?

For me personally, it is to be who I am, it’s to be who I was born to be. Right? In all the things that I do is actually it’s funny, as I’m answering this question, I’m recognized in my head, how these line up with my five values, one of my five core values is celebration, it’s to have awe and wonder in the world around me to to be of service, my, one of my core values is stewardship, to show up and leave every person place thing and event better than where I found it. You know, all success, the rest of it sort of takes care of itself

a lot. I love it. It’s like, success is kind of like a It’s the direct result of knowing you kind of did your best and became the best along the way. That’s something you’ve really reiterated a lot in our discussion right now. Is that the end the person that you’re becoming, right, yes, it’s like yes, really become that person. I love it. I love it. So then as you What do you think then people misunderstand about you?

We think we’ll, we’ll, we’ll get it when we get there. Right? We’re constantly pushing that goalpost down the line. If I get x, then I will feel y. If I get x, I will be y and it’s backwards. How can I be? Y? So that x comes to me and I create it. And I accept it when it shows up? Right? How many times have you looked past an opportunity? Yeah. Yeah.

You have to know your why. Well, that’s the one of the first things you kind of unpack with finding those five core values. That’s awesome. That’s awesome. So how is there anything really that keeps you up at night?

Yeah, the thing that still keeps me up at night is is Did I did I say that the right way? Or did I have fear? Was I did I show up 100% authentically, fearlessly, because you and I haven’t talked about the difference between courage and fearlessness. I’ve got a

deviated version.

rebated version. Courage is acting in the face of fear. Courage is a fear based decision. You see how that works? Fearlessness is moving toward your dream. Letting everything else get out of the way Wow when I am fearless I am 100% focused on my dream and my vision of who I want to be and how I want to be today. When I am courageous I’m thinking about everybody else

wow so courageous is facing the face of fear

is a fear based decision but

if you’re listening courageous running towards it

yeah

right and just saying alright man, let’s bring it on and you know that you’ve prepared for it and I really believe the separations in the preparation right so that you really prepared for it Love love love that and so if you then I asked you a definition of successful What is your definition of a life well lived

at our best it’s the same

I love it. I love it. It is very true. It’s very true. And time to shine today pockets varsity squad. We are back and Angie, we’ve done this before so some questions might be the same but I threw a couple curveballs in for you, counsel. Okay. Number five seconds, no explanations. Okay. Okay, ready to level up? Alright, let’s do this. What is Angie’s best leveling up advice she’s ever received.

stop and take a breath. Yeah,

sure. One of your personal habits that contributes to success.

Morning Coffee outside with the Great Danes.

Oh, love me great danger about a nice nice. So you see me walking down the street I’m in my doldrums a little bit like Fergie man. Read this little book you handed me

I hand you the Four Agreements.

Ah, Paul. Hello. Well, I love it. Love it. What’s your most commonly used emoji when you text?

celebration with the party had nicknames grown up text Tex Mex. Why?

Why text?

I went to an international school for a couple years. I was the one from Texas, and I was really tall.

How tall are you? Well, I’m

like five, eight and a half. I

did not know that. Yeah. Awesome. So any new year’s resolution this year?

No, I don’t make them make birthday resolutions personal New Year.

Love. Love that. Love it. Love it. Yeah. Chess checkers or monopoly.

Bridge. Oh, actually, Dungeons and Dragons.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I’m hanging up. I love it. So what’s your go to ice cream flavor?

Vanilla. Nice. Okay, completely underrated

my two. Yes. I love just opening up vanilla container and smelling it. That’s weird like that.

You know what vanilla? Is the ice cream of unlimited possibility.

Very, very true. Just like your coaching. Your coaching is not really vanilla though. So, there’s a sandwich named the tech scooper. Yeah, what is on that sandwich?

It is gluten free toasted sourdough with bacon, provolone. And, like deli mustard.

You are some lettuce. You are a sister from another mister. You just do man candy on that sandwich bacon. I love it. Love it. Love it. So you have an opportunity to get in a time machine for one day you come back to the present day. You could go back to a time in the past and visit or go 30 years at just for one day.

I go 30 years out. Okay. Very good is kind of a lie. Like I I’m not much of a reminisce or I don’t really look back. I’m like, I did that. That was fun. What’s common? Let’s, let’s do it. Love it. Love

it. Yeah, that’s awesome. So how about any favorite charities or an organization like to give your time or money to

make a wish? Make a Wish Oklahoma does really really cool stuff. My sweetie and I were talking about this the other day, the airman Support Fund when he was a young Airman and had little kids. He was a beneficiary of that. And so now, you know, we’re in a different place in our lives.

That’s fantastic. Thank you for doing that. So, again, you better answer the same way as last time, but the best decade of music 60s 70s 80s

or 90s. Oh, golly, I don’t remember what I said last time, but to the 90s were the soundtrack of my younger self. But I mean, it’s 80s

That’s what you said last time. Yeah. I mean, he said everything big hair don’t care invasions from YouTube, Duran Duran Culture Club. You had the metal rock and rap with Run DMC and Beastie Boys and

I listened to or hanging out at the pool,

I would go back in the 80s just to hang out for a day.

That would be worth Yes, that would be worth spending a time machine day on. Go back and, you know, catch that bass concert at Texas Stadium one more time. I used to day on that.

Yeah, there was an epic kegger you remember keggers back in our day, you know, so there’s an epic kegger I go back and relive that night, man. It was terrible. But the music they were playing on the stage and everything just anyways. So let’s let’s get into how we can find you. Yes,

yes. So Angie hooper.com has sort of everything. If folks want to know how to work with us, there’s a there’s information there about how to work with us. If somebody is in a place where they’d like to talk to me one to one about how I can support them. Then they just go to Angie hooper.com forward slash apply. They’ll get straight into my calendar. We do a while I used to say pro bono because it was mostly lawyers, but we do a complimentary strategy session to help people figure out where they’re at and what their best next step is. So we do that. And then also on the site, you can find links to the forgiveness PATH program and, and the ebook that’s coming out about those five steps somebody can make right now we’ve got a guide out there that they can look into for, for finding out how to how to take those first steps.

Okay, so let’s little bit with the forgiveness path. Weights. Can you unpack that a little bit for us?

Yeah. What we found as we were working with our clients is that there were a lot of times people would bump up again At least part of their emotional and mental energy was tied up with some past event, something that hurt them something where, you know, it was it was unjust right could have been something as seemingly simple as a divorce something as complex as getting bullied as a kid. But at some point in the future, or at some point in the past, there’s still there’s still a part of them that’s back there. And we take them through nonsectarian spiritual technology is what I call it, we take them through a process to call that energy back and transform how they’re thinking about that past event so that they are free.

I love it. Is it a course? Or do they get time with Angie,

it’s a it’s a mini course, if you buy it as a standalone, we actually include it in our in our eight week program where they would get one on one time with me to work through it.

Gotcha. Where can they find the eight week program, the eight week

program, they’ll book a call, we only take people into that program, if we’re sure that we are the right solution for you. So we ask people to it’s you know, just part of one of our five to

ride horses for every course. And that’s right, it doesn’t work out. And that’s why I love this podcast, because I can refer business to people they gangee in whatnots, right? It’s fantastic. So you’re also got a show launch and an honest network through Roku and Fire TV, what’s the name of that show,

that show is going to be the leadership habit. Also, we are going to talk about these five aspects of stepping into your leadership dealing with the heart, which is where we look at our feelings, the alignment to values the behavior, we do goal setting a little bit differently than you see out there. Based on the our goal setting is based on making decisions without regrets because you based on your values. The identity piece that we talked about earlier today, and then up upgrading those thoughts and beliefs to match the new identity and the and the goals that you’re achieving. You

can say level up. It’s alright. Just kidding. If you do me one last favor, love and leave us with a Knowledge Nugget that we can take this, the listeners can take with them internalize and take action.

Yeah, you cannot think your feelings

cannot think you’re feeling

you cannot think your feelings if somebody asked how you’re feeling and you say, I think I’m a little sad about that. That’s your brain talking. Right? We gotta get to your heart, your heart is feeling as occurred. I know it’s a whole other podcast we could do on that,

wow, I this is a spot. I’m so glad that I did a 2.0 interview with my awesome sauce friend Angie, hear that, you know that we are kind of at Mercy to the world. And when that happens, we forget how powerful that we are, you know that you gotta get in, line up with those ideas that light up your soul, the core values that gets you out of bed in the morning. And something like Angie really helped you dig deep and unpack that and get to it. Remember, you are a human having a business experience, not the other way around. You know, make sure you show up daily with your divine purpose and values, you know, if your answers will help find that blind spot that you have by actually looking at digging deep to find those values, what you fall back on that person that you fall back on, in her or five step process is something that I haven’t heard of the way that she’s rocking it out, you know, you know, she has the belief, the behavior formula and neutral stimulus to get the give it meaning and drives your behavior. Just go back and re listen to us because I’m just reading off my notes that are abbreviated here, you know, you know, so coaches can be their direct or Client Center, that’s two different people, someone’s going to tell you what to do, and it’s their way or else they’re gonna get a little creative and work your way around to get you where you need to be. And that’s what Angie does on both sides, depending on which course that you’re going to go you know, and she you know, wants you to ask your your coach, maybe when you’re in the discovery period, you know, how are you going to help me reach my goals? You know, how are you going to create some clarity for me to get there? You know, is coach is your coach helping you to become who you’re going to be? Are they just helping you to execute there’s different coaches, different horses for different courses, you know, and she says that if you become your goal, but you don’t become the person that achieves it, you will sabotage and let go never ending loop of kind of like an imposter syndrome. Okay, you know, and she believes that if you we always say here at time to shine to the inch by inch, it’s a cinch by the yard it’s hard. So if you build your identity kind of slowly and become that person you will keep that identity and you know she says become first then do claim the identity you are becoming you know as her dash she’s, she’s evolved so much from before, you know, but she’s becoming she’s What it means that we are transforming what it means to be successful given that definition, a more elaborate, fantastic meaning, if you will, you know, she’s someone that lives in all the wonder of the world is just a person of service. She’s always so giving, you know, and she reminds us that courage is, is is facing just the fear fearlessness is moving towards it. That’s what a lot of people, I use a metaphor of our military, you know, they’re scared shitless people, but they move forward and they go and that’s what fearlessness is in. Lastly, you cannot think your feelings you know, get to the heart of things and some like Angie can help you do that. And Angie levels up her house, she levels up her well. She’s humble for an attorney, yet hungry and curious. And I’m so blessed to do this second one you you’ve earned another varsity squad letter. Thank you so much for coming in. ng i love your guts so much. Thank you, you too. It’s my privilege. Thank you. I’ll talk to you soon enough by now. Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. proudly brought to you by Southern New Jersey real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com/guest If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see a recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up it’s our time to shine.

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