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Speech Transcript (very little editing so not exact)

Unknown Speaker  0:00  

Hey, this is Samara Lane, your relationship anxiety coach. And if you really want to learn how to level up your life, you should be listening to the time to shine today podcast with my good friend Scott Ferguson.

Unknown Speaker  0:12  

Time to shine today podcast versity sweated a Scott Ferguson. We’re Episode 226 with my really good friend Samira lane, she’s over on the left coast. She’s going to help you really level up your relationships and help you get rid of some of that anxiety. She dropped some fantastic knowledge nuggets in our interview. I’m not going to say too much more because I want to really get to this interview with my really good friend relationship and anxiety coach Samira lane, let’s level up.

Unknown Speaker  0:48  

Time to shine today podcast varsity squad into Scott Ferguson. And I have walked in some of the steps that my good friend here Samarra lane is walk through. So Marlene is a relationship and anxiety coach and knows what it’s like to be asked to be married. And basically she said, Yeah, but give me a two year little agreement here. And I thought that that’s amazing because then a lot of the anxiety of saying this is the first person or the only person we spend the rest of my life with waking up next to the sun rises and sets with the only person making love to there’s like so many things that go in and I understand that anxiety. And Samarra helps people kind of break through that. And she helps people kind of go from doubting whether they’ve chosen the right partner to committing with confidence while staying true to themselves. So after years like she’ll see in her story of struggling with our own doubts, she finally cracked the code on relationship anxiety now she will coach you and me today I’m going to tell you that right now through her unstoppable relationship program and smart thank you so much for coming on time to shine today please introduce yourself to our listener our squad but first, what’s your favorite color?

Unknown Speaker  2:03  

And why my favorite color? I’ve I haven’t had one in years. I’m gonna say blue because that’s the color of my daughter’s eyes. I love it.

Unknown Speaker  2:12  

What’s the color of Cody’s eyes? Blue as well blue. Okay, that’s cool. Cody’s are awesome sauce husband, I stalked her out a little bit on social, just to see. And he’s the lucky guy that hung out long enough to have this phenomenal woman. So smarter. Let’s get to the origins, man. Let’s get to the roots of the story to bring you up how you start leveling up people to the unstoppable relationship program.

Unknown Speaker  2:33  

Yeah, absolutely. So I’m a relationship anxiety expert and coach. And it really all started with Yeah, with my story and my struggles and things. I’m sure if I spilled too much. No, no, it really is about getting so honestly, you can have so much shame and self judgment around like our fears and our doubts and our anxieties. And it’s really powerful to start letting that all out and realizing that we’re not alone. So yeah, how I help people really like, you know, when people have relationship anxiety, it’s this fear of, am I settling? Like, is this relationship right for me? What if I’m making a mistake? And that’s highly, highly distressing. And there’s this fear as well around? Maybe it means I need to break up with my partner in order to solve this. And so it’s really characterized by a lot of doubt and fear. And that was totally where I was. Yeah, my, my, my amazing then boyfriend has been Cody, with us engagement on a on a crisp October evening after my birthday dinner. Actually, we had never talked about marriage before. Together, then we’ve been together for two years. Okay. That’s about the time we started getting that question. Yeah. Yeah, we were living together. And in my mind, I was like, Yeah, yeah, I could see this work now. You know. And so in that moment, when he proposed pop the question out of nowhere, I said, Yes. And he was super stoked. And I was like, I need to go home and lay down because I’m freaking out and I might have a panic attack. So So we went home and spent the next two hours crying on the kitchen floor together as I spilled every fear and doubt I had around our relationship and marriage and commitment and and, you know, to this day, he has been such an amazing rock through all of it. I’m so so blessed to have him.

Unknown Speaker  4:18  

Love that. So then you went through it, you’ve leveled up, you have an awesome rock, you have awesome support system. What do you think that makes a great relationship coach?

Unknown Speaker  4:29  

Yeah, a great relationship coach. So number one, always, I mean, really, to be a coach on anything and relationships are no different. It’s always looking at what can I learn from this? What am I projecting on to my relationship? And how can I actually go within and look at myself and my side of the street with my partner with my relationship? So that’s really, really key. Even even a master relationship coach is still going to have things that come up in their own relationships. Not about being perfect, right? But it’s all always about progress. So if we can really show up that way for ourselves, and we’re going to be able to show up that way for our clients. Do you have your own coach as well now? Yes, yeah. Okay, so So yeah, me and Cody still see still see a coach some times here and there as needed. And it’s so amazing for you know, for a marriage and a relationship, especially when we’re going through new transitions, right? You have a kid Now, how do you do parenting? What is that? I love it totally new playground. business coach, I always have a business coach as well. I like to have lots of coaches in my corner.

Unknown Speaker  5:37  

I have for you know, I cover them all. So it’s like, I have a coach that helps me coach, you know, mindset coach, I have my fitness and jujitsu coach and I in one other one, I’m hopefully I’ll leaving them out. But I’ll get back to in a second. But it’s about you. Um, so when you’re starting to work with somebody that wants to level up and get past some of their anxieties, in level up their relationships, what kind of secret sauce if you don’t mind sharing they’re at, we’re going to call it u RP, the ultimate relationship program, the U Rp. To help them find their blind spot.

Unknown Speaker  6:14  

Yeah, to help them find their blind spots? Great question. So really, it’s such a mental game. So I mean, it’s a holistic program. So I help people look at emotionally right. Are we where are we stuffing our emotions? mentally, right? Where are we off on our mental game? Because it really relationship anxiety is such an it’s a, we’ve really created this maladaptive relationship with our own minds, and our minds our fears around the show, behaviorally, what are we doing, you know, spiritually, where can we grow in on the relationship realm? How do we really uplevel our relationship? So we really dive into each of those. And you know, I would say this, one of the secret sauces is for sure. we’re realizing that life is a mental game, and a masters of this game are the people who have stopped identifying with their own mind their own thoughts, their own fears.

Unknown Speaker  7:09  

Wow. Wow. So their mind fears and thoughts. Wow, okay. All right. And so when you’re starting to work with them, because it takes a lot of balls to come to somebody like you, especially when it comes to relationships, a lot of people are like, and this Fufu kind of thing in in, I knew I was until I started to what is there any good question then, that you wish they would ask you, but never do? Like when, like when someone is becoming or whether you’re in the discovery period? Is there any good question that maybe they you wish they would ask you, but never do? Oh,

Unknown Speaker  7:50  

maybe, you know, what’s the realistic expectation on how long this will take? Right? Right? Yeah, we go to someone because we want a solution. We want a transformation yesterday. And usually we’re at that breaking point, by the time we’re hiring someone hiring a coach or working with someone, but really, we’re at the beginning of our journey. Some ways, right?

Unknown Speaker  8:13  

Right. In your Are you you’re more of a coach, not so much a consultant, right? Like you’re gonna help them listen to them. And you’re going to develop a game plan for them to go out and execute. I’m saying that in air quotes, if you’re not. Okay, exactly. Gotcha. Okay, I love that you differentiate those two, because a lot of people I’m a coach salt and I’m like, well, that’s pretty tough one to be. And especially your, your niche, we’ll call it that. Yeah, coaches so much better. So. Okay. Like, what did your family think then about you? You went through this? And what did your family think about you? kind of starting into this niche of like helping people in relationships and does any of like emotional one on ones with your clients ever have backlash and your thoughts about your own relationships?

Unknown Speaker  9:04  

Oh, those are such good questions. Okay, so the first one is what if my family or my family think about doing this? Well? Well, I’ll tell you when I first told my my mom like ag Cody proposed and I’m freaking out. She was like, Well, if it was the right person, you would know, which by the way is the worst thing you should ever tell someone with relationship anxiety is such a trigger. Yeah, just right. Right. Because the truth is, our minds want to want to screw with us and stop us and keep us in our comfort zone. Right. But when but when I told my Honestly, I have an amazing family. I have an amazing husband. Everyone has been so supportive of me. So no horror stories as far as starting my business there. And, and what was the second question?

Unknown Speaker  9:48  

So you’re having, you’re working with me, okay. And you’re like Fergie, we’re gonna level you up. You I start spilling stuff to you. Is there ever any triggers and your situation that triggers you and makes you go back and question your own relationship. I’m just curious. Because it happens to me. I get triggered sometimes I’m like, did I am i doing that in my own relationship? But my business mainly, you know, I’m saying. So raw, I mean, you have like the sex part with the making love and it’s part of a relationship. You have waking up in the same bed every single day and stuff like that. So is there anything that just if you ever just got woad, in consultation or a session that said, makes you question a little bit about your own life?

Unknown Speaker  10:33  

Such a good question. Yeah. Because we’re working on fears and doubts and all of this and notes. My clients are going through every possible doubt and fear that’s coming up. They’re like, Well, what about this angle? Well, what about this possibility, right. And so we’re trying to come that back down. And to so how it looks when we have so because I have cured my own relationship anxiety. And it’s been that way for years. And obviously, when we coach on something we have, like we are, we have to constantly show up in such a way that we are, right, we’re so inspiring. It’s so inspiring, and so motivating. We never get to let ourselves off the hook and let ourselves go down that path. So but how it looks when we trigger relationship anxiety is Yeah, I’ll have like a random thoughts in my mind once in a while. Right, right. Totally. Right. Because we the goal is never to control our thoughts or never think a certain fear again. That’s not how the brain works. That’s not really a fair expectation of a human being. So right. It’s really about like, oh, there’s that thought there’s that old pattern of, you know, is my partner right for me? Are we really compatible? Or whatever the fearful thought is okay, yeah, there’s that thought again. It hasn’t doesn’t have any juice behind us doesn’t have any trigger.

Unknown Speaker  11:49  

I love that. Love that energy and juice is not behind it. I love it. So smart. Have you seen the movie Back to the Future? Yes. Okay, love that. Let’s get in the DeLorean with Marty McFly. Let’s go back to the 21 year old summer which by the way, Scott if you’re watching She doesn’t look much older 21 Let’s go back to the 21 year old smart what kind of knowledge and I guess that’s what we call them here time to shine today. Are you dropping on smarter to maybe help her shorten your learning curve level up and blast through just maybe a little bit quicker?

Unknown Speaker  12:24  

Yes. Okay. So 12 years ago thank you for the compliment on my books. So 12 years ago, I would say to Samarra that girl you were born with everything you need to succeed in this lifetime it’s within you already. And the universe’s it’s we live in a benevolent universe. It’s really here to support us the universe is dying to give us what we want and what we dream of. We just got to get out of our own ways.

Unknown Speaker  12:50  

Yes. I love that I love it. I sort of like Coach 90% of the time is you have these two selves and one is ego and fear and all this other stuff and the other one really wants that pleasure and and can blast through and that’s once you get rid of that one self it’s what it is and like I was taught you know like I my alter ego when I’m starting to like get into my day is chili Palmer he was in the movie. Be cool and Get Shorty john travolta plays them. Dude if I could live every day is that character at all? So I get into my chili chili Palmer when I start rocket So I love that you were transparent. Thank you so much. Then what do you want some arrows dashed? Remember that little line in between your incarnation date and your expiration date your life date nothing on your tombstone? How do you want that dash remember?

Unknown Speaker  13:42  

Oh my gosh I’m so it’s also makes me think of Back to the Future. right all right $80 or whatever. So how I’d love that to be remembered is messy but

Unknown Speaker  13:55  

happy.

Unknown Speaker  13:57  

Love it. Your transparency just rocked my world man. Awesome. Alright, so then what keeps me up at night?

Unknown Speaker  14:07  

Okay, so yeah, but night your child maybe everyone’s No, she’s actually an amazing sleepers. I don’t have an excuse thing. It’s really about you know, I’m the type of person and I think all of my clients are this way too. And I think all coaches are this way too which is like reviewing in a healthy way. What Where can I still improve? Where am I still holding myself back? Where can I get better? How am I still keeping myself stuck? And how do I bust through that? Right so right used to didn’t didn’t used to look at my fears at face value. And now I’m like every day I’m like, cool. What’s next?

Unknown Speaker  14:48  

Bring it on. Just push it through kick its ass. I love that. So then what do you think people misunderstand about some of the most?

Unknown Speaker  14:55  

What do they miss or Sam? What’s more, the most? Um, well, you know what I am what called a highly sensitive person. No way and Yes. Right. So and so so many people in my community, I feel like so many coaches are definitely my clients all are so but it’s really this personality trait of like, deep thinker, deep processor, we feel everything really deeply, we’re naturally empathic. And so we’re also prone physiologically to like overanalyzing, right, and all of that stuff. And I think there’s a big misconception about this personality trait that by the way, 15 to 20% of the population is born with it’s literally a trait found in all humans and higher animals, is that it’s a weakness, right? And that we should toughen up. And, you know, nothing should faze us, you know, this tough, strong image that we have, especially in Western cultures. And really, in my opinion, vulnerability and authenticity and just honoring how we’re naturally wired is the most badass thing we can do.

Unknown Speaker  15:52  

We should embrace it, right? Yes, yeah. I mean, I always say don’t get out of your comfort zone, but stretch your comfort zone to embrace what you can have, you know, and once I get out of the comfort zone, do not I like to stay in my comfort zone, branch that out and then grow that comfort zone even bigger and bigger and bigger. So I love that. Yeah, I didn’t get it. I didn’t make it up. I was taught to me as well. So everything, everything is regurgitated from, you know, like Tony Robbins regurgitates Jim Rohn. Back to Earl Nightingale back to, you know, Wallace wattles or, you know, back to first sure Marcus Aurelius you know, it’s everything. Yeah, yeah. So then let’s take anything electronic out like let’s take our cell phone. Let’s take our computers, tablets, anything electronic. What are three things that smart can’t live without?

Unknown Speaker  16:41  

Oh, gosh. Trees. Fresh air water. Okay, that’s all three. I guess my my kid my husband. Absolutely. Yeah, that’s right. We should just say family.

Unknown Speaker  16:54  

Got it. Gotcha. So your tree hugger like me, but I’m more of a beach guy. I’m looking at the Atlantic Ocean right now. I have to get in every day. It’s like, that’s me. I have to I don’t care if it’s 55 degrees on I’m Duncan and I’m getting out. So now I appreciate you saying that. Hey, we are back with my ERP my unstoppable relationship program rock star Samira lane and tomorrow we’re going to move into our leveling up lightning round right now. You and I could talk an hour on each one of these questions. Easy, but you got five seconds with no explanations. You’re ready to level up on counts. Do it Oh, explanations. Can we agree to that? Okay, you got it. Let’s go. Smart. What is the best leveling up advice you’ve ever received? You’re already perfect. Yes. And you can always do better. Love it. share one of your personal habits that contributes to your success. visualization. Beautiful, beautiful. You see me and you’re like Fergie’s just not looking right. You know, he looks like he’s in his doldrums. What book are you handing me? On Napoleon hills thinking grow rich. Obviously. I’ve read it 18 times it’s Yeah, I can’t. It’s like Yeah, yeah, I sit some right here all the time. Right next to Green Eggs and Ham actually anyways. Other than Samarra lane calm or time to shine today.com my shameless plug there what website the summer like to go to the level up. I love everything. Marie. Forleo. Beautiful, beautiful. Your most commonly used emoji when you text. Definitely in hearts, hearts. Got it. Now, you can actually say your age now. But if you could stay one age, physically, for the rest of your life and keep everything you’ve garnered in wisdom and continue to garner knowledge. What age would you stay physically? Physically? Oh, I don’t know. 20. Okay, that’s cool. I’m done with that. I don’t have any aches and pains in my body at 20. So quickly on this one who’s had the most profound impact on your life. Oh, goodness, my mom, beautiful. Your favorite charity and organization like to give your time or money to Alzheimer’s? Thank you for saying that’s, that’s amazing. So, last question. You can elaborate a little bit on this one. But what’s the best decade of music 6070s 80s or 90s? Gotta be at your early 30s and you said 80s Well, I’m almost 50 so I was born in 72. So it’s like, you know, 80s is my jam. But really,

Unknown Speaker  19:38  

I am also a total 90s alternative girl. Right I’m in I’m in the Seattle area. I live in the grunch the sound guard? Yes, but 80s man dancing around Michael Jackson with my daughter or you know anything Metallica, whatever,

Unknown Speaker  19:57  

whatever mood. We have everything. It’s like big hair don’t care if you had, like, you know, seriously you had disco is phasing out but your rap I mean rap started in the 80s you had the British invasion. You had the Irish invasion. You had Duran Duran. I mean, you had, like, everything from Springsteen to you know the Motley Crue to the cure. I mean, it’s fantastic. I love it. I love that you said the 80s although I was blown away I thought for sure you’re gonna say the 90s but he’s as good so smart. How can we find you love?

Unknown Speaker  20:27  

Yeah, Samira lane.com you can check out the unstoppable relationship program that’s a one on one coaching program you get my whole step by step system to help you ditch the doubt and commit with confidence and and also I have you can also check out on there my free online community you can join that group that’s a place to have totally free access to me and get free personalized advice and support and tons and tons of peace of mind and an awesome community of

Unknown Speaker  20:54  

people.

Unknown Speaker  20:55  

Yeah and also you have a free video on there right three keys ending relationship out Yeah, yeah, so

Unknown Speaker  21:01  

I didn’t say that yet. But I do I have a free gift on my websites Marlena calm you can get that free gift three keys to ending relationship doubt. What are you writing a book? Why am I writing? Yeah. Oh man. I guess I’m slowly writing it piece by piece and I have been for a few years now. I’ll let you know I’ll be the first person want advance copy

Unknown Speaker  21:21  

on that. I don’t care if I’m the first person I just want to be one of the people. Smart leave us with one last Knowledge Nugget you want our squad to take with us internalize and take action on

Unknown Speaker  21:31  

Oh, I’m just wherever you are in your relationship in your business. Just remember that everyone goes through it too. And there is nothing wrong with you. You have got this Wow,

Unknown Speaker  21:45  

that’s that’s amazing in squad you’ve got my fantastic friends Tamara lane just gave you basically a free masterclass who really is, you know what she had a fear of settling. And she thought she was going to make a mistake. You know, she wants to ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Go within progress go with progress over perfection. That’s one thing that she said that really stood out, you know? And are you stuffing your emotions? Are you often your mental game, and you got fears of kind of running your show there. Let me put you with a warm introduction to Samira and she can really help you level up, you know and want you to really stop identifying with the mind. The mind part is getting in your way the fears and the thoughts you’re not that person. Your responsibility, I believe is the ability to respond and how you respond to those fears, thoughts and emotions can really, really help you in a strong way. If you get with somebody like Samira, she can help you blast through that. She wants to remember that you were born to succeed and let the universe universe support you get out of your own way. And when you don’t know something like my good friend Leah Woodford says Get your asking gear, ask for help. Get out there and ask for help. And she’s going to be remembered Samira here is someone that was messy, but happy in that if you’re going through hard times, and like we say here at time to shine today, everything is finite. Everything ends if it’s a good thing, it’s going to end like if you’re going on vacation next week for a week, guess what that weeks up, that’s going to end so remember that you need to overlap your happiness. You need to do stuff at all times every day to overlap your happiness. So you’re consistently staying in a attitude of gratitude. Remember, it’s a sin not to grin be happy. And my friend here who’s looking at the camera. She’s smiling, she’s fired up, she levels up her health levels up her wealth. She’s humble yet hungry. I’m so blessed to be a part of her squad. Now her a part of our squad. She’s earned a varsity letter here. Thank you so much for coming on Samira. It was such a blessing. I can’t wait to collaborate you with you in the future.

Unknown Speaker  23:47  

Oh my gosh, it was such a pleasure and honor. Thank you for having me. Gotcha. Talk soon. Love. Bye. Bye bye.

Unknown Speaker  23:53  

Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. Proudly brought to you by Southern Nugent real estate real estate excellence who can be reached at 561-249-7266 in online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com flash guest. If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcast. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see our recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host, Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up. It’s our time to shine.

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