www.NotOKthatsOKCoach.com 

Alissa’s Book: How to Listen and How to Be Heard

Alissa’s Linked IN

Alissa’s Instagram

Alissa’s Facebook

Alissa’s Twitter

Host Your Podcast for Free with Buzz Sprout 

Our Show Sponsor Sutter and Nugent Real Estate – Real Estate Excellence 

Music Courtesy of: fight by urmymuse (c) copyright 2018 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/urmymuse/58696 Ft: Stefan Kartenberg, Kara Square

Speech Transcript

Unknown Speaker  0:00  

Hey, this is Alissa Carpenter with everything’s not okay. And that’s okay. And if you really want to learn how to level up your life you should be listening to the time to shine today podcast with my good friend Scott Ferguson.

Unknown Speaker  0:12  

Time to shine today podcast varsity squad. This is Scott Ferguson and we are at Episode 199. With everything’s not okay, and that’s okay. Fantastic, fantastic coach Alyssa carpenter. She’s also a rockstar author. She’s been featured in Forbes, NPR, ABC Fox, CBS TEDx speech is just fantastic. Fantastic woman. I have an awesome book giveaway at the end. So you have got to stay on and listen to my good friend Alyssa. So without further ado, here is Alyssa Carpenter from everything’s not okay. And that’s okay. Let’s level up.

Unknown Speaker  0:56  

Time to shine today podcast varsity squad. It is Scott Ferguson. And I’ve got a treat here today. My Miss. It’s okay. It not okay. That’s okay, coach. She’s fantastic. Her name’s Alyssa carpenter. And she wrote this fantastic book if you’re watching on YouTube. If you’re watching us anywhere else, I’m gonna have a free giveaway at the end. So make sure you listen to the podcast all the way through because my friend Alyssa is going to drop some serious knowledge and I guess I knew to help you level off. This has been featured in Forbes, NPR, ABC, Fox, CBS and Tad acts as a workplace inclusion expert with a master’s in social and comparative analysis. smarty pants, Alyssa Carpenter empowers leaders with practical strategies communicate to communicate effectively with their diverse workforce. A former administrator at the Wharton School and a Gallup certified strength coach again, smarty pants, let’s say has trained 1000s of leaders and consulted with multi billion dollar enterprises to successfully bridge communication gaps across generations job functions and geographies. She’s also the author of one of cosmic top politicians top nonfiction books of 2020 how to listen and how to be heard inclusive conversations at work the founder of everything’s not okay and that’s okay consulting firm and creator of the D and I intention to action which we’ll get to that later in the show how to be a diversity Equity and Inclusion Changemaker program and Alyssa thank you so so much for coming on. Please introduce yourself the time to shine today podcast varsity squad the first What’s your favorite color? And why?

Unknown Speaker  2:31  

Oh, like a bright blue and just reminds me thanks so much for having me.

Unknown Speaker  2:38  

Of course reminds

Unknown Speaker  2:38  

me of just summer I think it’s like a fun color to wake up to seeing the sky just that bright blue.

Unknown Speaker  2:46  

If it makes you feel better I’m literally and we should get to my camera looking at the Atlantic Ocean right now. And as a really nice shade of blue. I was on my paddleboard this morning and I was like I get to interview Lissa and and i hope her favorite colors blue what emoji Do you use the most when you text

Unknown Speaker  3:08  

and the laughing crying one and a heart

Unknown Speaker  3:11  

ups upright laugh or sideways laugh

Unknown Speaker  3:13  

Oh, that’s a good one. Upgrade

Unknown Speaker  3:15  

me to the upright. So let’s get into you. Let’s get the origins maybe a little backstory that brought you into not okay, that’s okay.

Unknown Speaker  3:25  

It’s funny because I never thought I would start a business or be where I am right now my background is in higher ed i love love love working with college students and administration and faculty in that space. It’s such a really transformative for years being able to see students as they’re coming in 1718 and then walking with them as they graduate. And just through that experience, a lot of students I would see just in the hallway talking to their friends and saying everything’s great, everything’s awesome. I like this is awesome. And then they would come in my office and colleagues and say this I’m not sleeping I didn’t get the job I broke up with my significant other and that’s really where the name everything’s not okay and that’s okay came from his words so often putting and I felt like I was doing the same like this facade of who we think that we need to show up as and in reality there’s there’s something else going on. There’s these other layers that are going on. So just a business name super long name kind of a mantra and, and bringing awareness and Well it started in that that higher ed space and and working with clients and that way it’s really transformed into working with businesses and understanding that everything’s not okay in your business and that’s fine. You have to recognize it. But you have to be open to learning and growing and trying new things.

Unknown Speaker  4:41  

I love that it’s so you must have encountered because, okay, I never graduated from college with smarty pants, okay, but like I tell everybody that I mentor that are young because I’m part of the reach and hire program to go to school just for connections and to be taught in discipline, but like there had to be Some blind spots with you being a career educator into becoming a business entrepreneur, what was one of those blind spots that really kind of tugged at you and said, Man, am I really making the right decision here?

Unknown Speaker  5:11  

Oh, everything because my, you have the content knowledge. So I know what I’m what I’m teaching business and which is so ironic for working for a top business school in the world Wharton,

Unknown Speaker  5:22  

right, exactly. And thinking,

Unknown Speaker  5:24  

Okay, I don’t know how to run a business. And I think people make it sound so easy have quit your job, start this business, do five steps. And I’m always saying that’s not. That’s not right. There’s no secret success of starting a business and you have to do these things. I really was very strategic. Before I left, I started as a side hustle one making income. I took a strategic business planning class, I partnered with mentors, and I asked a lot of questions. I’m still learning and growing and outsourcing things. And I think as a business owner, it’s so important to be aware of your blind spots and what you know, and what you don’t know and create this kind of network around you of support for when you have questions and different resources, but the running the business part.

Unknown Speaker  6:12  

Right in so what did your family kind of think about? You know, you’ve been a career educator, and I say that affectionately, because we need them. Okay. But what did they think about you spreading your wings, for lack of a better term, and really making your way as an entrepreneur? It was,

Unknown Speaker  6:28  

I am so grateful, and so thankful for the support of my partner, and my two little kids are eight and 10. So they were just excited for me to be home more, my commute was an hour and a half each way. While I loved what I was doing, I was missing a lot. I wasn’t able, my busy times in the office, were there busy times at school, and I missed so many things. So being able to be more present and being selected was amazing. I am very grateful that my husband was so supportive of what I wanted to do. And people don’t talk a lot about insurance, right? You leave your job that you have your steady income, your insurance to start, you know, like, let’s think about what is that going to look like? So I am grateful that and my family was really supportive, too. But it’s strange. Like it’s a new, not a new thing. But not a lot of people start businesses with never having

Unknown Speaker  7:20  

no business background or even a paper out when you’re a kid or something. I feel Yeah. So then do you coach people one on one? Are you group coaching? Or what are you doing Alyssa.

Unknown Speaker  7:33  

So when I started out, I did a lot more one on one coaching with individuals and leadership roles and helping them really find their space. Right now I do a lot of group coaching. So it’s a lot of keynote speaking, training, especially with my DNI intention to Action Program. It’s a lot of group training program. So I love to help people and work with them one on one. But there’s so much value, I think in getting the knowledge with people who have a different experience, you’re so ingrained within your organization. So talking with people who have the same issues, but different experiences and what worked and what hasn’t worked and facilitating those conversations. And those discussions, I think are really valuable. So

Unknown Speaker  8:14  

what are you brought in? When you say groups? Is it a company that you’re brought in to level up? Okay, so let’s go there, then, if you’re brought into a company, which, you know, I’ve been faced with this before, and the CEO usually kind of brings you in, or the owner of the company. And you’re dealing with his number two or number one, right? That’s the person what do you do to kind of break that ice and because they’re like, man, things are going good. I don’t know why this person is coming in. And don’t take offense to this but a female sometimes, or like you’re bringing in a female, you know, like, what is your secret sauce, if you don’t mind sharing to kind of break that ice and get everybody on board, so they can level up?

Unknown Speaker  8:58  

I think it’s tough one being a female, I look a lot younger than I am, and coming into the space and saying, you know this, this is where I am, I’m brought in here for a reason. So one, I think the imposter syndrome of myself of let’s get over this, this really, you know, you know what you’re doing. But I think oftentimes, people and I talked about this a lot people bring you in to be this miracle worker have this magic pill within the hour, two hours, even a month really worth of work and having those real conversations of what is the issue that you’re having, how can we resolve it? What are the outcomes that you’re looking for, and building that relationship with them that way. And when I work with clients, I use the word we a lot because I am part of this, I want to be there. I want to help you. I want to be able to support you. This isn’t just your issue or your problem. We’re working through this together. And I think having that that connection, that compassion, that ownership of being able to work together really goes a long way. But there is a lot of these talks that what You want to happen may not be the reality within the amount of time you want. Let’s look at the data. Let’s look at the facts. Let’s see where you are and where you want to go. And is that attainable in this time?

Unknown Speaker  10:11  

Wow, that’s amazing. So you get everybody included with that connection, passion and ownership. That’s fantastic. So what do you think makes a great coach?

Unknown Speaker  10:23  

Oh, my gosh, I don’t think there’s even one thing that makes a great coach, I think a coach needs to really be an active listener, it’s not, it’s not about you. I think when I first started coaching years ago, it was let me share my story of my experience and what I’ve done. And while that’s a great connection piece, it’s not about you and what you need. It’s about the other person. So being able to release that and and listen, what do they need? What are they looking for, and holding people accountable is huge, I think. And my whole thing is this intention to action, because we have these good intentions. As people, we want to do these things. We want to grow a business or whatever the case may be for coaches, but you need to follow through, you need to do it. And so whether it’s the coach holding you accountable, or the coach working with you to create a system to hold yourself accountable, I think that that’s a major.

Unknown Speaker  11:11  

That’s huge. That is absolutely huge. So when you’re bringing in somebody to coach them, is there any good question that you wish? Maybe they would ask you but never do?

Unknown Speaker  11:27  

Oh, that’s a really good one. And even the piece about accountability, people don’t ask a lot. How do you intend to hold me accountable for for completing this? Or? Because a lot of people focus on deliverables? Or what will I be able to do as a result of these sessions of this conversation of this time? Or what will happen with my organization moving forward, which is all extremely important and making sure that you solidify that piece? And but but how will you hold me accountable? And I’m really big on asking questions, both ways. And it’d be nice to hear what is the best way to communicate with you What is the best way to get in touch with you, because we usually defer to our method of communication. So if I’m a text person, I’ll probably text you, if I’m an email person will probably email you. But that might not work for me. So if you are having a crisis, and something is going on, being able to solidify the best way that you can reach me, so I can ensure that I can get you in timely manner. In case you mentioned communication and connection so many times And that, to me, being a coach for 12 years is absolutely key and that you’re you’re absolutely okay with using their form of communication, what makes them comfortable. That that’s awesome.

Unknown Speaker  12:37  

So what is your secret sauce, maybe to helping that person after they’re, they’re coming to your program to help them maybe find that blind spot that they have, as you went through you mastered or mastering a blind spot of your own? Like, what is your secret sauce? Maybe to help them Master? There’s,

Unknown Speaker  12:55  

I’m big on asking a lot of questions. I think oftentimes people come to you with, too. And that’s the job of a greater issue. So being able to ask the right question, identify what their issue is. So even if you’ll say we are communicating and our work, people not respecting one another, well, people aren’t trusting one another. And that’s what’s happening because of that. So going on daily, what are the interactions you have? So I’m really big on asking questions, follow up questions to get really granular just root cause to solve that issue. So the other things come. So it’s not like the take the Tylenol, take the Advil, let’s solve the outward things like we have to there’s just things that are going on. So we have to make those work. I

Unknown Speaker  13:40  

love it. I love it. So are you familiar with the movie back to the feature?

Unknown Speaker  13:45  

Yes. And you’re gonna laugh? I’ve never seen it. There are a lot of 80s movies, okay, that are on a list that I have not seen.

Unknown Speaker  13:51  

Now you have to if not, we’re not friends. But anyway, so So basically, Michael J. Fox says this dude, he goes back to 1955, right in a DeLorean. So let’s get that Dory with him. Let’s go back to the 22 year old Alyssa, what kind of knowledge nuggets? Are you dropping on her to maybe help her shorten their learning curve level up and blaster,

Unknown Speaker  14:11  

be you I was 22. I have a master’s degree working in a college. And I was younger than some of the students that I was working with at the time. And I tried to be somebody I wasn’t. And I tried to wear these collared shirts, these different, you know, things that outwardly looked like I thought that I was supposed to look and I acted like, I was thought I was supposed to act and had a personal list that outside of the office and professional listed there. And just going back and saying be you you know people want to be around you. We want to have these conversations. You can’t build connections with people unless you’re honest. And you’re real and you’re transparent. And I was I think I was missing not being so young, and at least a decade younger than everybody I worked with. building that competence, I think would have been major.

Unknown Speaker  14:56  

Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you for saying that. So how do you want your day Remember, then that little line in between your incarnation date in your expiration date? How do you want to list those life date death date? How do you want that little dash remembered?

Unknown Speaker  15:09  

Um, no, I don’t even know a phrase, but somebody who passionately connects or communicates or engages. And we want to be known for bringing people together and giving them a voice that everybody deserves a voice.

Unknown Speaker  15:28  

What keeps you up at night?

Unknown Speaker  15:30  

My kids

Unknown Speaker  15:32  

love the honesty that was like, fast, super fast. Love it. I love it. So who has had the most profound impact on Alicia’s life?

Unknown Speaker  15:47  

Oh, there’s so many people. It’s so funny because I always think back to my grandpa, my mom’s dad, he passed away years and years ago. But to me just growing up, he was always the person who made me smile The most and laugh and when I’m happy that day, he was the person that I would reach out to, he was just that jovial guy that people gravitated towards. So just thinking about him, that would be somebody that I would want to be and just that light that I would like to give off to other people. I

Unknown Speaker  16:21  

emulate that right? Love it. So how about what’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

Unknown Speaker  16:29  

Oh, so funny, cuz it’s always the opposite of the best advice in some type of what

Unknown Speaker  16:34  

always is right? I think and it’s not even necessarily

Unknown Speaker  16:37  

direct advice. But I think it’s on social media or seeing these things that it’s do these three things, and then your business will grow, do these three things, and then this will happen. And that’s the worst advice I’ve seen. And I’ve heard from people that I used to gravitate towards, okay, if I do this, then this then this, like, I will have no long lasting business, I think and we can go about there’s no specific way our outcomes might be similar. And what we want to do might be similar, but how we go about it is different based on our strengths. And based on our experiences and resources and all of that stuff.

Unknown Speaker  17:15  

Not everything’s cookie cutter. Oh,

Unknown Speaker  17:17  

no. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  17:18  

So what do you think people misunderstand about you the most?

Unknown Speaker  17:23  

That I’m overly positive or that I don’t potentially see, you know, the head in the clouds don’t see the reality. And I 100% see the reality of things. And I try to put a positive spin on things, but I’m a realistic positive person. If something’s not working, I’m not going to tell you that it is and we’re gonna work together to find a solution. But I think you have the choice to free

Unknown Speaker  17:48  

us. I was waiting for that. See where you have the choice that that’s you. But what is Melissa’s definition of a life well lived.

Unknown Speaker  18:00  

It’s kind of this work, work life balance, but in the way of making enough money where I can live my life and do what what I choose to do on time with as much time with my family as I possibly can going on vacations just hanging out sitting on the couch. But having a financial freedom to be able to do that.

Unknown Speaker  18:18  

That’s amazing. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people like oh, money, that’s bad. No, dude, money gives you choices. And but if you can do it by we say here, you know, we do what we love in the service of people that love what we do, you know, and that’s the way that I rock and roll and people see that and as long as you’re open to reciprocation, and to get yours and along with that comes the happiness. So thank you so much for saying that and being very transparent. Alyssa, hey, we’re back with my good friend Alyssa Carpenter from that. Okay, that’s okay. Just fantastic. I’m sure you heard the first part of our interview, which she just rocked it and we’re gonna move into our leveling up lightning round. And what this consists of Alyssa is I got five or six questions for you. And you give me five second answers. You and I could talk for 2030 minutes and each one of these but you have five seconds. I don’t want any explanations. Just fire away and all of them can be answered quickly. You’re ready. Mm hmm. All right. What is the best leveling up advice this has ever received.

Unknown Speaker  19:16  

Show up as your real self Yes.

Unknown Speaker  19:19  

share one of your personal habits that contributes to your success.

Unknown Speaker  19:23  

Working out in the first thing in the morning

Unknown Speaker  19:25  

love it. You have to love it. Other than your own website. It which is not okay. That’s okay coach calm and of course, time to shine today. calm my shameless plug. What other website does Alyssa go to to level up and in just kind of learn something new?

Unknown Speaker  19:44  

Not websites, more podcasts. Yeah, I listened to Adam grants 10 his Ted, his TED Talk one and Rene Brown. I love those for inspiration.

Unknown Speaker  19:55  

Love it. Love it right if I’m in my doldrums. It’s not kind of feeling it and not how to listen and how to be heard not not that one, but I’m in my doldrums. I feel it. Fergie read this book. What is it?

Unknown Speaker  20:09  

Oh, how the crawdads things?

Unknown Speaker  20:11  

Really? Wow, who

Unknown Speaker  20:13  

is that is that? I can’t remember the author. I’ll have

Unknown Speaker  20:16  

to find that and put it in the show notes. Absolutely. Gotcha. So and Don’t lie to me here. Okay. On this one do not friggin lie to me. Physically, physically, what age would you stay for the rest of your life? If you could keep the wisdom and education that you have now and continue to garner more wisdom? What age physically would you stay for the rest of your life?

Unknown Speaker  20:37  

29

Unknown Speaker  20:38  

of it. I always say 28 to 32. So we’re right on board. I’m coming up on 50. So I would go back to the less aches and pains. You know,

Unknown Speaker  20:46  

there’s a 30 day.

Unknown Speaker  20:48  

Okay, what’s your favorite charity and organization like to give your time or money to

Unknown Speaker  20:53  

cystic fibrosis?

Unknown Speaker  20:55  

Awesome. Last question. You can elaborate on this just a little bit. But what is the best decade of music 6070s 80s or

Unknown Speaker  21:03  

90s 90s?

Unknown Speaker  21:04  

I knew you’re gonna say that because I love it. Love it. You stay true. I love that. So tell me about this book, how to listen and how to be hurt.

Unknown Speaker  21:14  

Yeah, thanks so much for asking. It was such a joy to be able to write it. And my goal with it. I’m glad you mentioned it just in our conversations before that. It’s a conversational book. It is a quick read in terms of it being 16 chapters, different topics of how to get your voice heard how to work with toxic colleagues have a say know how to communicate with other people in terms of what is the platform of communication. So it’s a book that can be used, reused and looked at as a resource in the future.

Unknown Speaker  21:41  

You know what I love about it, Alissa is that your smarty pants? I see that affectionately right. You’re super smart. I mean, come on, you know, you and your masters are 22. You know, I mean, this is like huge, but you wrote it in a conversational piece that I was like, dude, I wouldn’t expect this to be written by some nerdy girl. You know what I’m saying? I’m good. In squad, I am going to give away a free copy of her book, which if you’re looking, it’s right here in the screen. It’s kind of blending in with my green screen a little bit. But all you have to do is comment on either Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, the first one to comment is going to get a free signed copy from Alyssa which is going to be on time to shine today’s dime. If you know maybe she can sign it in maybe pick up the postage? If not, I’ll Venmo you the post, if you can we agree to do that.

Unknown Speaker  22:27  

Now, that’d be awesome. Awesome.

Unknown Speaker  22:28  

Perfect. and talk to us about the D and I intention action.

Unknown Speaker  22:33  

Yeah, it goes back to some of the conversations we were talking about before. So it’s an online self paced class, about diversity, equity, inclusion, trust, and really the framework and the foundation behind that to get people a little bit more comfortable with the terminology, how to talk about it, what it can look like. And there also is a mastermind group with it. So once a month, everybody who’s taking it virtually different people meet online to talk about it. Because again, we’re all in our little spots. Even if we weren’t in this pandemic we’re on or stopped trying to implement things. So we talked about best practices and what’s working and what’s not working. So from the content with inside the class, as well as just things that are going on within your organization.

Unknown Speaker  23:14  

I love it and squad that will be in the show notes as well. So down there will be a website or blog and all of her social links as well, as long as a dedicated link to the DNI intention to action. So make sure you check that out. And listen, do me a favor and leave us with one last Knowledge Nugget that you want us to take with us internalize and take action on

Unknown Speaker  23:34  

Yeah, I think especially throughout this there gonna be lots of ups and downs. But be realistic, be positive and know that you have a voice to make some change

Unknown Speaker  23:42  

voice to make some change. Love that. Fantastic. So squad, we just got a free masterclass with my really good friend Alyssa carpenter. And I don’t know about you, but I got notes galore from my good friend Alyssa, you know, she’s gonna tell us that a lot of people have the same issues, but different experiences with those issues, and everybody has a gift. So really try to tune into that, you know, she wants to work together with you and be part of the process. She’s not just a consultant that’s going to come in and tell you what to do. She’s going to work with you. She’s going to dive into the nooks and crannies and be there in the trenches with you which i think that that is of paramount importance. You know, she has connection, passion ownership, when she works with you to work together. You know, she has a she feels that a great coach has great intentions and great countability. And if you’re going to hire coaches, we hope it’s Alyssa. Ask them how you plan to hold the coach accountable, and give them the best way to communicate with you so you guys can stay on the same page and ask yourself powerful questions on a daily basis. Like people don’t realize that no matter what you’re doing in life, if you’re driving down the road and you’re making a left, you subconsciously ask yourself a question. You hit that left turn signal at least you hope you do it but she’s asking you to ask yourself powerful questions that’s going to help you level up. She’s going to want you to show up as your real self. Be herself she should go back to her younger self. She’s not telling you to disrespect people. She’s saying to show up as your real self. Don’t try to conform to what everybody is asking you to do. And also be somebody with a voice to make some solid change. And that’s what Alyssa does. She levels up her house, she levels up her wealth. She’s so humble yet so hungry. Thank you so so much for coming on. Time to shine today. You rock the mic and blast I love your guts. Again, thank you so much.

Unknown Speaker  25:33  

Thank you for having me.

Unknown Speaker  25:35  

Awesome salt talk soon. Okay.

Unknown Speaker  25:37  

Sounds good.

Unknown Speaker  25:38  

Hey, thanks so much for listening to this episode of time to shine today podcast. Proudly brought to you by Southern Nugent real estate real estate excellence, who can be reached at 561-249-7266 and online at www dot Sutter in nugent.com. If you’re a business owner or professional who would like to be interviewed on time to shine today, please visit time to shine today.com slash guest. If you liked this episode, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, I Heart Radio or wherever you get your podcasts. There’s a link in the show notes to our website. Also there you will see a recommended resources. We hope that you will support our show by supporting them. If you like what you’ve been listening to, it’d be great if you could just give us a five star rating and tell your friends how to subscribe while you’re at it. I’m your host, Scott Ferguson. And until next time, let’s level up. It’s our time to shine.

DISCLOSURE: I may be an affiliate for products and resources  that I recommend. If you purchase those items through my links I will earn a commission. You will not pay more when buying a product through my link. In fact, I often times am able to negotiate a lower rate (or bonuses) not available elsewhere.

Plus, when you order through my link, it helps me to continue to offer you lots of free stuff.  Thank you in advance for your support